I don’t know how to be happy

[GemL]

Hi,  Everyday I wake and try my best to be positive, however, my head is full of negative thoughts.  I am always thinking about my problems or creating new ones in my head.  I can acknowledge there are a lot of good things in my life, but I can’t get my brain to go along that path.  I have a young daughter and try to be fun for her- but it’s an act.  I keep on going for her.  Sometimes I feel like I wish I would disappear, but I know I can’t because of my daughter and husband.  I have to be there for them, they would suffer without me and I would destroy their lives.  Deep down I am always worried about things.  Things I have no control over.   
Maybe I am scared of being happy, because when you are, something/someone always brings you down.

I have considered taking anti-depressants but have weighed out the negative side effects and have chosen not to.  I used to be more fun/talkative when I was younger (however,  I do remember getting gushes of depression every now and then and not knowing why).  Now I find it hard to make conversation.  I feel that I have become boring and dull.  I don’t listen to music anymore.  If I could understand why this is happening, maybe I could solve my problem. Thank you for listening, 

[Bob_22]

Hi GemL,

Welcome to the forums. Thank you for posting here. We are always happy to lend an ear. I'm sorry to hear that you've been struggling with finding joy and happiness in your life. I think its very selfless of you to do your best for your husband and daughter despite not feeling so well. But please remember to take care of yourself as well. 

I can relate to you in feeling worried about things you have no control over. It is a key feature of my depression and something I have learned to cope with a bit better. I talked to my doctor about this sort of thing and he recommended doing an online CBT course on depression/anxiety. I did mine through thiswayup.org.au and it seemed to help alot. Whenever I start to ruminate about something I can't help I will try to break my thought pattern and distract myself with something more occupying. For me this will be getting out of the house, exercise or just catching up with somebody. Is there anything or any activities you enjoy or feel motivated to do?

Also, would you consider talking to a professional? Seeing a doctor doesn't necessarily mean going on medication. That is only a small part of the puzzle. 🙂

Bob

[jaz28]

Hi GemL,

Thank you for being here, I am sorry you have been having a hard time with this. Have you spoken to your family about how you feel? You never know how they might be able to help you, they will want to. Have you considered seeing your doctor about seeing a mental health professional? There is no shame in this, it could actually really help your situation.

I really hope things improve soon,

Jaz xx

[Mark Z.]

Hi GemL,

Thank you for sharing your story, and I'm sorry for your challenge.

When you believe there's something wrong but you can't tell what exactly it is, it's a clear sign that you need professional help. Unlike physical illnesses, mental illnesses tend not to heal over time, but accumulate.

When you say you chose not to take antidepressants,  have you tried to see a psychologist? If not, it's time to start from your GP for a plan.

Mark