I am really struggling

[Jack84]

Hi everyone, I have had the worst couple of weeks.   Almost a fortnight ago my ex-partner broke up with me and a day later I broke up with my workplace.  Both elements of my life were toxic- The workplace was awful and a bullying culture.  The girl I was seeing, we really seemed to like each other to begin with, but then something changed.  She  said she was in a toxic relationship before me which she found traumatic and wasn't ready for a relationship.  We had a big argument that night.  At first I got up to leave when she first said she couldn't be in a relationship, then I came back and talked to her.   She tried calling me the next day and texted me to see if I was okay.  I never responded.  I erased all our photos, any gifts she gave me I threw away, a checklist we had of things we would do together I erased.  I saw her for shy of a couple of months.  I'm getting anxious writing about this.  On this messaging, can you direct message people or is it only a public forum?  I really want to talk out what has happened with people.  Some details are specific and I'm trying to divulge what I went through without the risk of my ex workplace or my ex seeing my post and connecting the dots.  Please help me.    

[Croix]

Dear Jack84~

I'd like to welcome you here to the Forum and can see you are in  bad position at the moment.

Before I say anything else I should say that in this forum you cannot talk to anyone in particular except other members, and everyone here uses a username that bears no relation to their real name. So from that point of view thay all start out as strangers.

That does not mean they cannot become friends, and many wil have gone though similar circumstance to yourself.  If you want to hear the sound of a human voice you can call our 24/7 help line phone , which can be a source of advice and comfort  (you can also web-chat)

https://www.beyondblue.org.au/get-support/talk-to-a-counsellor

I'm sad to see you broke up with your girlfriend, and can understand your refusing contact and throwing away all reminders. Please bear wiht me as I make a suggestion.

Any person who has been in a toxic relationship is not going to react - or even think of themselves - in the same way as a person who has not.

For one thing they may be constantly on the edge of "flight or fight" rather than being able to consider matters calmly, and also may not regard themselves as worthy of a relationship. For people that do not realise this it can be very easy to mistake this for outright rejection -which may or may not be the case.

As she did reach out to you after would you think contacting her again might be a good move? True it might just confirm things are over but then again gentle understand may reveal there are possibilities. If you do not mind me saying so it is possible you were bit hasty? (Sorry to be blunt, if I'm mistaken I apologize)

I think I've said quite enough for one day so might leave the matter of employment for another time

I do hope you come back and we talk some more

Croix

[smallwolf]

firstly. See Croix's reply for all the good information.

The one thing I wanted to say was that you have gone through 2 big changes around or at the same time. Stopped your job and your relationship broke down. That said, to come here and write about this takes courage. So please heed what Croix has said and things can improve over time.