I am not Ok

[Equalitysmiles]

I am not ok about a whole bunch of stuff happening at present. So I am resting . And I am not writing at this time, because it would distress people out beyond measure including myself and yet I would come back into a quiet rest and come into the quietness that I know because I am not spending any time with people and u r alone and yet ur also with ur family who are also alone. And a lot of the time, I simply can't be with other people because I am disabled and in a health crisis but I am also gifted with contemplation was born that way. Or u can't spend time with the family u live with because they are disabled and in a health crisis and they are also contemplators and meditators. And no one talks to each other. And when the health crisis then transforms into Serenity Grace there are no words quiet like it. When our silence goes from an oppressive abuse to a freeing grace and we can live our life in the way we can simply because we come into a beautiful quiet awareness. And we go from crisis mode into an inner quiet confidence we are than able to deal with our lives and take the necessary action and the problems get solved. The bush fires are a lot easier to deal with and accept than our disablement and health crisis situation.

[felix mendelssohn]

Hi there Equality,

Thank you for expressing your thoughts like that; you are clearly a deep thinker with what sounds like an aching and weary soul. You speak of being in silence and repose and I do not wish to disturb that, but the fact that you've come to an online forum suggests to me that you might be seeking some support or assistance. If that is what you need, I and everyone else on this site would be glad to hear what else you have to say.

Felix

[Equalitysmiles]

Thanku Felix, for ur greeting.

I am in trouble however its about not going into crisis mode while trying to get mine and my family needs met. We can't get access to medical help and treatment we need. When others treat u like ur mentally ill and shouldn't be believed, but u need to access medical help and treatment which also means surgery because u have physical problems that need to be addressed. And action actually needs to be taken. When u r being made to wait because of cirucmstances outside of ur control we r in a situation that things we live with shouldn't be made to wait, and we are talking years having to wait, when u r in an internal injury and crisis. Some things can be helped and other things can't be. Its absolutely exhausting. And can be draining. Or leads to abuse and then being provoked. So its now a matter for us all to learn not to be easily provoked in a situation that is just outrageous to live with and deal with.

The deep thinking part has saved our lives and us being injured. Its been a learning journey like no other that we call life. And it also helps us face the unknown and how to deal with that. And even though we need physical help also in our home, and its just not there. And what is offered to u, causes more problems than it actually helps and solves. And its matter of going from I can't do this, to Ok how can I do this and how can I deal with this. When what is expected of us is absolutely impossible. U need miracles.

Our soul has been crying. Not just my part of the soul has been crying. And its matter for that cry to come to an end becaue the problems were solved and the crisis and cry ended. The cry I cry is the cry of injustice.

[felix mendelssohn]

Hi again Equality,

I think that I understand what you're saying about resting and not entering a crisis mode. When there is a brick wall in front of us, we only harm ourselves by smashing ourselves against it. Rather we should bide our time and conserve our energy for a better opportunity to present itself. Similarly a cat, when sick or injured, will hide itself away and rest until it has either passed or recuperated. But you are now tired of resting?

Please correct me if I am wrong, but in your case, you say you are suffering from physical disability or injury, but others are not taking your concerns seriously and are instead saying you are mentally ill? I would like to ask what the physical disability that you are experiencing is. I would also like to ask what it is that you would like to gain or receive from this online forum? We are happy to listen and can provide some advice, but we are ill-positioned to intervene in the physical world.

Felix

[Equalitysmiles]

Hello Felix,

I understand what u r saying about being not prepared to interevene in the physical world. Sometimes intervention can be interference which causes unnecessary problems. And I don't expect that. Sometimes u just need to have someone else hear u.

I have multiple disabilities, injuries, disorders, diseases all internal and my internal body was virtually wiped out and whole body systems were affected such as the nervous system, the sensory system, the immune system, the digestive system for example. I also have traumatic brain injury and cognitive problems and injury. Its a long list.I also have undiagnosed problems that are not recognised, but I can recognise them because I live with them.

What being here in this forum can help with is I need help with getting my communication to be more direct and a lot more concise because it can be overloading. It also helps me writing so I can confront the crisis emotions and reactions, so when I do go to the professionals, that I don't get triggered into crisis mode or emotional overload, because I have already dealt with it and them. And that I can remain on the ball with it, so I don't get taken advantage of, or we talk about something else. And we get to talk about what should be talked about. And what treatment we are going to get access to. And be able to get access to it without unnecessary problems.

Along with a time frame to be given to us that is reasonable and we can live with it.

As for the solution to the crisis mode I was in this morning, and thanku for responding to me, and what I need to be able to finish this journey is patience, of which has come, slowness that can be processed along with quietness. What the problem is what we r dealing with is very intense now, very dynamic but a little too quick in transitioning, and timing for the process to be properly complete and healing to take place. Or its too slow, that its so still, nothing moves and ur body and parts of ur brain along with your cognition shuts down. Its awful.

Also we r not keen on taking advice from others, because advice coming from people that don't fully understand the situation or us can injure us and put our lives at risk. But if u really understand and u can offer something helpful and healthful then that sort of advice is appreciated.

I would like healthy communication with other people.

[felix mendelssohn]

Hi Equality,

Thanks for your reply and for understanding the limitations of what this site can provide.

Absolutely, it is hard to understate the value of being listened to and treated with respect. With regards to your many physical conditions, that must be an incredibly distressing reality for you to be experiencing and you have my sympathies.

I am very pleased that you are using this forum as a way to more clearly articulate your thoughts, feelings and experiences. If I may say so, your writing is becoming much more clear for me to read, and yes, that can be important when you speak to professionals. If you cannot describe the problem correctly they may try to give you the wrong solution. You are very welcome to continue writing to myself and others and I will do my best to understand and get back to you.

I also respect that you are wary of taking advice. Unless someone says otherwise, the people here are not medical professionals. We are people like you who are going through our own struggles, also seeking healthy communication with one another. This means that we are in a good position to share similar experiences and to empathise, but we are not in a very good position to diagnose problems or offer solutions. I feel like I have a responsibility to make that clear so that I don't get banned or something.

Hope to hear from you soon.

Felix

[Equalitysmiles]

Thanku for ur reply. Its hard at times to live with limitations not only for my personal being but also everywhere I go. There is just limitation and lack. Its seems like limitation and lack are married together. I know it doesn't have to be that way.

At present can I write to u? I have problems with some people, that I have made peace within me and but I want to physically come into having no problems with people. Sometimes I know Its enough for me to be here along with its enough for others to be here.

Thanku for giving me feedback to how u r perceiving my disablement.That is important to me. I am glad my writing is becoming more clear to u. Thanku for sharing with me u r are going through ur own struggles too. I can appreciate that. Because I live that too so when I can, I can be a help as well, if I am allowed to be.

I have dealt with my own struggles and then I have helped people deal with theirs. I am gifted at problem solving and have those solutions come and end what needs to be ended. But at present its all too much. I don't mind helping others but some times the help and support also need help and support. Sometimes I need help and support too. I understand.

And its not all terrible with my experience, its just that present circumstances are pushing us into crisis mode, and my old physical internal injuries are getting reinjured because of it. Along with retriggering past experiences that u thought u had already dealt with and its done, because we already lived that and don't need to live it again. Once was enough.

Its not that the medical and professional community that I come upon, don't wan to help cause they do, its just that they can't.But its not all lovely in there either, and sometimes u get demeaned, belittled, and made fun of. U can't say a word in that moment, because u need the treatment. If u do say a word, they ignore u and if there is a group of them they talk amongst themselves so u can't participate. And if u say anything, they then look at u differently, and treat u differently that is hurtful beyond measure. Poignantly so.

I am glad u also want healthy communication, so maybe we can help each other acheive that. Along with healthy communication for those that come here as well. What I am required to live takes more patience than I have to live or give. So its a matter of balancing that out and having the patience that meets the needs, or it meets more than the need. It can't be less because it causes crisis.

[Equalitysmiles]

This is the second time I have replied to u, so if u get two replies, I am sorry. The first one I don't know if it posted because it disappeared after I sent the post, but it didn't come up whether it was received or not.

I am a gifted problem solver and having these problems end and bring forth solutions, its just that I am exhausted and the gifting needs to rest. So that is not what I was asking for. And its not that its all terrible with me either. Its just that its going to be a long journey requiring more patience than I and we have to live with or give. Which pushes me and everyone else into crisis mode.Until the matching patience comes. Its just that u have to wait, at times where u should not be waiting.

Its like with the fire it comes, u can't just go ok We will wait until We are patient enough to deal with this. Then maybe the fire will get put out. While we just sit here and wait while everything is burning. The fire brigade doesn't behave like that and neither should we. When we have to take action, we need to.

Its not all terrible either with the medical and professionals, and its not that they don't want to help, a lot of it is they can't or don't know how. When we get treated properly, its fine and really good, when we don't get treated properly its not. Its horrible and unjust. I also know I am not the only one in our nation that is experiencing this, or feels this way.

I am glad that u r understanding my writing more clearly and we are coming into a shared understanding. And thanku for sharing with me that u also have ur own struggles, along with everyone else on the forum. I appreciate ur honesty and that u don't want to get banned. I don't either. Sometimes we also have to communicate and talk about things that need to be talked about, discussed and addressed. That also means talking about what is difficult, challenging and oppressive in a way that brings forth solutions and is healthy and action gets taken. Maturity is required for that. But I also know there are times we just can't talk about what makes us speechless and cry invisibly. Where there just no words left, there is no action nor help given and u r on ur own. That is the time, ok I have to stand on my own two feet.

If I can write to u that would be great, and have u respond back that would be even better. So for me its enough to be able to communicate to u. If u r happy to communicate with me.

Have a lovely day.

Es