Husband has left should I be angry or worried?

[Dobbygirl]

Hi, thanks for the join.

Hope I can get some help as so confused.

husband of 26 years has suffered depression for a few years. Since he set up his own business this year and me being overseas for 4 months, he has hit rock bottom.

he moved out October to stay with friend as he said me and adult son and the house made him feel trapped. We have not trapped him at all.

Christmas week we found out he had fell out with friend and was sleeping in car. He came back home. He said he’d not been in contact with me, his sons or our new granddaughter as he’d contemplated suicide and didn’t want to get close to us.

he stayed here for a week and went for a drink with friend on Thursday and said he was staying over. I texted and rang him as was worried as how he is, couldn’t imagine him conversation with anybody or drink. He was really off on the phone so an hour later I texted r u seeing someone. No answer but following afternoon he texted yes I am sorry.

I’ve met with him and he said he’s known her a few months but only seeing her 2 weeks. He’s moved in with her.sleep in same bed but done nothing as he can’t perform and hasn’t been able for a few years.

he said she has had mental health in the past and he can talk to her.

she knows he’s married.

should I be angry or worried about him. He’s chosen a woman he can’t perform with over his family.had us all worried about ending his life.

so sorry for the long post x

[smallwolf]

Hi there and welcome to the beyond blue forums.

I don't think your post was lengthy. It was just the right length to say what you wanted.

Is there a difference between how you should feel and how you are feeling?

You did mention that you are worried about him. I guess the question is whether he is able to listen to anyone or not. And act on what he is told. For example is he getting professional help or not. If not and you suggested this? Is there any family you could talk to? Do you think he is getting worse?

I would say it is a big step to come here and tell your story so I think you are definitely concerned about him. And you have been married to him for a longish time. You can be both angry and worried at different times. Perhaps frustrated at other times.

How are you feeling?

Listening...

[Mark Z.]

Hi Dobbygril,

Welcome to the forum.

I must to so hard for you, I'm so sorry to hear about your challenge.

I'm not a professional but I feel being angry or worried won't help a lot. First of all you need to take care of your own physical and mental well-being, which is important for your family including your husband.

Considering the mental illness of your husband, all his behaviors might not be him but his illness. You might be able to do something, at least to help yourself have a better understanding about mental health and its relative suicidal prevention. I would suggest you to give Beyond Blue hotline a call to ask for some professional advices.

BB hotline:

Beyond Blue Suicidal Prevention (1300 22 4636): https://www.beyondblue.org.au/the-facts/suicide-prevention

Other important numbers:

Suicide Call Back Service (1300 659 467): https://www.suicidecallbackservice.org.au

Lifeline Australia (13 11 14): https://www.lifeline.org.au

Hope it will help a bit.

Mark