Hi Im new here

hmk3 · ‎05-05-2016

Hi there

I have been dealing with depression since I was 24, I'm now 42. I just seems to be a long deep tunnel which is not getting better even with medication.

I lost my mum 5 years ago and I'm still suffering from it, she was my rock the person I spoke to when things got to bad, now I feel as if I'm on my own is this deep black tunnel. My husband says to me why are you sad all the time, you have a loving husband and 3 beautiful children. I know I should be happy but I just cant seem to get out of this hole. I had my own business which I closed when my mum died and I have not worked since, not to the lack of trying to find a job mind you. My husband says to me all the time he wants to buy a house and we need me working. But at the moment things just don't seem to be going my way.

I just need to tell someone what is happening in my life so I don't feel so alone in this world of mine.

Thanks for reading this.

JessF · ‎05-05-2016

Hello hmk3, welcome here. When we lose someone so close to us, we learn to cope with the grief of loss but never to forget it. No one can ever replace your mum, but I'm wondering whether in the five years since she passed, that you perhaps need to find others in your life who can be your rock in other ways. Having 2 or 3 good friends in life with whom you can mutually share and support each other through the ups and downs of life will serve you well in the years to come. It sounds like you are very alone at the moment and you don't mention friends... how are things in this area?

I'm also wondering why you closed your business when your mum passed. Was it because you needed to take time off working to deal with the grief? Can you look at rekindling that business?

When we're deep in the dark tunnel everything seems murky. Hopefully you'll post again so we can help you find your way out again.

hmk3 · ‎06-05-2016

Hi JessF,

I don't have many friends actually I only have one sort of friend but she is not a person you can be a rock. I closed the business as I could not cope with what was going on around me at the time when mum passed I had 3 very small children and I found it hard just to get up in the morning a lot suffered at the time.

As far as rekindling the business my husband doesn't want to do that he wants me to get a paid job so we can get a house.

Things all around my life aren't great I used to be a very strong person now I'm just a shadow of my former self there are things happening which are out of my control and I'm ashamed of myself for getting into that sort of situation as I knew I would never have put up with it but now I feel I'm stuck and can't get out.

Sadmummy · ‎11-05-2016

Hi there. sorry to hear about your mum.

I lost my mum too in a sense but she is still very much alive.

what has happened i am not sure if there is any chance of repair but I come on to say I completely understand the rock thing. She was my rock and the person I went to for everything and I looked up to her.

after what happened I feel like my whole childhood and opinion of her and my family was a lie. And I am hurt and angry and so damn lonely.

part of me wants to fix it all to be able to have her in my life while she is living because other people don't have that chance.

but I can't get past the things she has done and made me feel.