The warmest of welcomes to you at a time in your life that has become so incredibly challenging in so many ways.
As a 55yo gal, I can say there has always been a reason for experiencing depressing episodes in my life (since my late teens), always. It was only later in life that I reached the conclusion 'If there's something seriously depressing going on with me, I'll definitely feel it at some point'. So, the question always becomes 'What the hell is it? What is it that I'm feeling the depressing side effects of?'. Btw, not our fault we can feel something depressing going on when we have the ability to feel it.
Personally, I start with the basics. 'Is this a physical/chemistry thing, a mental/psychological thing or does it have a 'dark night of the soul' vibe or could it be a mix of all three? If I can't work it out, I'll go looking for another detective (besides myself) who might be able to detect what's going on. My next port of call tends to be my kids. Both in their 20s, they're pretty intuitive people who have managed to pinpoint certain issues in the past. If they don't know, I'll then go to the GP and have blood tests done (to see why I have such a depressing lack of energy, if that's the case). If nothing shows up there, I'll consider asking others in my life. From their experience, they can sometimes lead me to consider a variety of things. With you coming here to the forums, you've ticked the box on that last one.
Based on my own experience, I'll offer what can be felt at depressing levels. A depressing level of B12 deficiency, sleep apnea, healthy relationships (as opposed to depressing ones), pregnancy miscarriage, a false and deeply depressing sense of self, seriously low energy levels where you can't feel life running through you, intensely depressing inner dialogue and/or external dialogue (harsh judgement), no sense of direction and a lack of much needed guidance, false and depressing beliefs, a depressing lack of much needed revelations (remaining in the dark about things), certain meds and the list goes on. What I haven't experienced the depressing side effects of involves ADHD, autism, iron deficiency, thyroid issues, trauma, dopamine transporter deficiency, extreme poverty etc etc. I do know people who've experienced different degrees of depression regarding that second list. In other words, when it comes to detecting or being a detective, it's about detecting what the depression could be related to. While there are plenty of things we could tick off the list straight away, there can be plenty of things left on the list of possibilities.
Btw, I can relate to the anger side of things. Sometimes it can involve the anger we can be feeling toward ourself, the anger felt when no one else seems to want to get in there and help us solve the mystery (being left alone to wonder), the anger felt when others are doing life quite happily (aka 'resentment'), the anger behind people waiting for us to 'snap out of it'. Waiting makes no difference, it's action that does. Sometimes it can involve the anger behind being told to stop feeling or sensing so much or being told to stop thinking or over analysing so much. My response to that would be 'I'm trying to get a feel for why I'm struggling/suffering. It's not my fault I can sense something depressing going on, while I'm trying to analyse the hell out of everything'. Let's get real, it can feel like hell on earth at times so why would we not want to analyse the hell out of things? A little heaven on earth goes a long way😊.
