Hi, desperation sets in.

[Charley60]

I guess my story is the same as most on here. I have suffered depression and anxiety for a number of years now. I did all the right things, like going to my doc, seeing a psyche, going on pills, tried counselling, deep breathing etc etc. I'm afraid that I finally turned to alcohol. I'm not sure how I feel about anything. I'm tired and have no energy or inclination to do anything. I am a shift worker which doesn't help, but I feel so often that I've just had enough and it's too hard to keep going. I have so many good intentions about how I'm going to improve my life, but every morning I wake up feeling too worn out to try and change my life around. I have had a hard life, like most of us I guess, and it all just seems too hard.

[geoff]

hi Charley, thanks for posting your comment and sorry that it's been late for anyone to respond back to you, but it's been rather hectic, not that any post should go unanswered so I do aplogise.
I suppose that when you have tried everything and nothing has seemed to work then it's very easy to self-medicate with alcohol, I was no different and drank from when I got up to when I flaked, however I did lose my licence for 24 months and my drinking was one reason why my 25 year marriage ended, but by saying all of that isn't addressing your comment.
How often do we go to bed saying to ourselves that' tomorrow will be better', but as soon as you wake up you still feel tired and feel as though you haven't had any sleep, well that's depression taking control over you and that's why you are drinking alcohol to numb all of these awful thoughts.
So you get up then swallow your pills as you do every morning, hoping that you will begin to feel better, but no, nothing happens, then decide if you are going to work or call in sick, then sit down and do some deep breathing, wondering why the hell you are doing this, then check to see if you have a doctors or psych appointment and probably feeling at ease because nothing has been booked for that day, and then think about your day and what you may try and do, the damn grass can wait another day, so I'll just sit down and drink alcohol but one thing you will do is to go out and purchase some more grog, that's all I need is my grog.
Don't worry that's exactly how I spent my days for years doing absolutely nothing and that's why it was one reason why my ex divorced me, so our house had to be sold, the house I always expected I would live in for many years, the house I had gutted and rebuilt, now gone, but once I moved into a house which I rented and had no more responsibility, my drinking stopped and my depression lifted, mind you I do drink socially but that's all.
Shift work is an added pressure you have to cope with, so there is quite a deal of pressure put onto you, but I would like to know a bit more about you, only if you want to. Geoff.

[Doolhof]

Hi Charley,

Welcome to the community here at Beyond Blue. I see Geoff has already sent you in a reply.

The depression rut can be a tricky thing to get out of at times, it is certainly worth while trying to do all you can to find positives in a day.

Are you a list making person? You could make a list of things you would like to achieve each day like get out of bed at a certain time, have breakfast, brush your teeth, shower, limit your alcohol intake, go for a walk etc.

You could make a list for the week of things you would like to achieve and see how many of those you can tick of in the week.

It helps me to concentrate on one job at a time and to not overwhelm myself thinking I have to do everything right now, as I then tend to find it all too over powering and achieve nothing.

My go to in life is chocolate and sweet food. It used to be alcohol years ago. So I understand that wanting to block the world out and your depressive thoughts.

I found reading, watching movies, gardening, going for a walk, all of those things helped me to feel better about myself and to reduce my depression.

Like Geoff mentioned, if you would like to share more of your story, people here care.

Cheers for now from Mrs. Dools

[MarkJT]

Hey Charley, you certainly have some matters on your plate and thanks for coming here and posting.

You mentioned that you did deep breathing but it didn't work. Can I ask how long did you try doing it for? I wasn't much good at it for a while but persisted with it and now it works quite well for me.

The psych that you saw, were you happy with him/her? I know several cases where people were not overly happy with their psychs so they changed and are now getting better treatment. The same can be said for meds. Some work and some don't so it may be worthwhile giving them another go.

One thing that I learnt on my journey was that with some things, you just have to persist for some time before reaping the rewards. I don't know if you have persisted or not, if you have please do not take my words as telling you what to do.

As has been said above, it would be great to hear more about you.

Cheers

Mark.

[wantalife]

Charlie 60.. been reading Geoff's posts and he's one switched on dude and can learn a lot if you read through. I'm pretty straight up as in ( Ethanol) is such a tiny molecule... so small it can pass through your skin, hits receptors left right and center...... can pretty much take on the world. Till you hit the ground hard... feel like crap! what do you do? have some more. Thing is a passing phase moves bye, alcohol if enough has been consumed regular..(Give our bodies credit) they will go with the flow as you probably know and change expression---- very low natural GABA. Very high Glutimite. living hell in fact when all a person is trying to do is drop anx' n fit in n feel normal? bi-pass the grog bro... Most CNS are pretty regulated (obvious reasons but theirs other meds may work..... work'n my own... under professional supervision of course. Not a disclaimer just dont want work'n my own to be my last words. ...take care bud. DOES SUCK