Hi all ! I'm new to this forum

[Moose1]

Hi all! . I have for most of my life lived with PTSDwhich I was Recently told by my physchiatrist who I have been seeing on and off for the last few months . I have three awesome boys and a loving supporting gorgeous wife . So why do I feel anxieties , overwhelmed , sometimes over react and be aggressive , but on the other side I'm caring , considerate and generally a good bloke.. I'm just very sensitive to other people and if cornered I come out and unleash hell on them verbally without thinking or taking a deep breath and letting it go. My councillor called it flight or fight . It's my defence mechanism??? My child hood was sometimes a violent place which disturbed me and could always remember pulling the rugs up over my head so I could block out the screaming, the yelling the punching etc. Even in a hot summers night I would pull the rugs over my head to block out the noise and wake up in a ball of sweat. Iike I said I'm new to this and have started reading other forums . It's good to know that your not alone. There is a lot more in my life that's going on but I should be happy with what I have , in respect to my family is well and happy . Sometimes you feel like your dragging them down and they would be better off without me. I exercise don't do drugs and reasonably fit and at 47 I should be on top of things but you know what it's a day by day task. Some days are good and I'm happy others I'm down . Does anyone else resemble these feelings . I'd like to here from you🙂

[blondguy]

Hello Moose1

Welcome to the forums and good on you for posting as well!

Reading your post reminded me of my background. I have had acute anxiety since 1983 when I was 23 and then depression from 1996. It can be a really rocky road Moose, I feel your pain.

Feeling overwhelmed, anxious, overreact and occasionally aggro are all common symptoms that we have a 'tired' mind. You are seeing a counsellor and good on you. Being happy with what you have is a strength, I use the same thinking process.

I still have to 'grasp' the fact that with identical symptoms that I am mentally exhausted sometimes and that its no different than having diabetes or a broken leg. We just cant see the injury, thus the benefit of super regualr counselling.

In times of experiencing what you do, I try to keep weekly appointments with my therapist. The longest period of weekly therapy was 6 months. I cried my eyes out which was initially very hard to do but it was one of the best forms of venting. I always fought against it but fighting only made it worse. It took me 13 years to understand that my anxiety and being overwhelmed was not only a disorder but an illness.

Your counsellor is spot on, being mentally fragile we can feel threatened when pushed into a corner and lashing out is our adrenaline over pumping....a self defensive mechanism for a tired mind.

I started a small dosage of an anti-depressant (very reluctantly) 20 years ago. The AD's (for me) werent a fix all but the bulk of the anxiety vaporised and provided me with a platform on which I could heal and learn all of the various coping techniques more effectively without the bad lows, night sweats, apprehension etc.

There are many kind people on the forums that suffer the same as you and I.

you are far from being alone here Moose

my kind thoughts for you

Paul

[MarkJT]

Moose, yep you are trapped in a flight/fight, something that I lived in for a long time. It is highly draining as your brain is triggering the release of a whole lot of chemicals into your body to prepare you for fight or flight. Your adrenaline is pumping and cortisol is being released. Far from ideal when you want to relax.

I once sprayed my 5yr old daughter for drinking her milk and not eating her wheaties, fair? not in any stretch of the word. But that was the PTSD talking, not me. You have to separate what is you and what isn't you and what isn't you work on controlling the outbursts etc. So those times that the PTSD is making you different, work on why it is making you different. Work on the triggers and ways to overcome them. For example, when at home and someone wants to eat chips and crackers (the sounds drives me bonkers!!) i would put on headphones to drown out the noise and then slowly expose myself to it to get used to it again. Only be doing this though when you are in a good place. Doing it while you are angry will serve no one any good.

Highly recommend learning mindfulness. It is really valuable and keeps me grounded. From listening to music to looking at the stars and clouds to looking at buildings and nature. It is really good way to calm yourself. I use the app Smiling Mind daily and really enjoy it.

We all have good days and also bad days but they key is how to handle bad days. I just tell myself that it is a down day so be kind to myself, concentrate on getting through the next day, half day, hour or minutes, depending on how bad the day is. Fortunately i don't have to many these days but it certainly works. It's all about recognising that you are struggling and making the necessary adjustments to get through the day.

Great that you posted and searching for advice and answers to questions. Please keep posting so we can all see how you are going.

Mark.