hey :3

[rory_shrimp]

hey i'm rory :3

i've been struggling with my mental health for 4years and haven't done anything about it but its only gotten worse ><

i feel so possessive over my friends and my boyfriend just broke up with me and i don't know what to do.

he's such an amazing person i don't feel like i deserve him at all

i feel so anxious and sick and dizzy 

i hate how my good emotions never end well ...

[rory_shrimp]

(oki uhm recess just ended so i couldn't really rant before )

sooo i hate myself so flipping much 

i am extremely possessive over my friends, last time one of them moved to another friend group i got so depressed and couldn't concentrate and think properly and i blame myself - i wasn't a god enough friend

ever since then i have been EVEN MORE possessive over people i like and tend to get extremely controlling when I think there is even a possibility of one of them becoming less close with me and our friend group.

about 5 months ago i made a new friend and we had basically ALL the same interests and i slowly began to  like him as more than a friend but i was still a bit unsure - until he said he LIKED me ( THAT type of like eee ) then we started chatting and texting all the time and i felt good enough for once - i never felt like i could be loved that way and i felt perfectly happy 

until he started struggling with something at home and stopped talking to me often

he only hung out in the library on his computer and i felt like we were drifting apart and i knew it wasn't going to end well

i wanted to help him so badly and couldn't 

the last time we sat together was weeks and weeks ago and that day he broke up with me

at first i was defiant and in denial replying "but i still love you" and "well whether you like it or not i'm going to continue loving you - i'm used to things being one sided"

then he replied saying he needed space and i was making him feel burnt out

i stopped replying for about 5 days

I try to stop messaging him but its so difficult - i want to give him space but at the same time i want to attempt to comfort him.

we haven't talked properly in ages

i don't want to lose him

i'm a terrible person.

[white knight]

Hi, welcome

We are very experienced here with mental health issues that we have lived ourselves like bipolar, autism, depression, anxiety and obsessive thoughts. Each champion here has various experiences. 

So in your case I see some things clearly. First and most important is a good thing that you acknowledge you likely have mental health issues. That is a hurdle many never overcome. So well done!!. The next thing is you haven't acted upon that likelihood and thats where you could be experiencing symptoms that are effecting your relationships with others. Having insight is great but we never know until we get diagnosed how extensive and serious our mental problems are.

So, see your GP and go through their referrals. 

You indicate that you experience obsessional behaviour, "controlling". That can make others feel restricted. In my experience with school friends a long time ago is that friends do come and go, they will return to your group or to you when they have issues with their new group, this dynamic change is very normal so you should let people come in and out of your direct life and activities... that gives them the freedom they yearn for. This control, can make people feel constricted, they usually dont want things to go to hard and too fast in the early stages. Telling someone they love them within a few weeks is a red flag and even though you told him you'll love him regardless of his feelings all that does is make him feel smothered. What does he want? I'm guessing he wants to find who he can fall in love with not who can fall in love with him at this stage. 

How do you stop controlling others? Well look at how others communicate. Eg At 16yo at school a friend stopped ringing me (no texts them days) so after one month I rang him and yelled that he hadn't rung me. The fact was he found a new bunch of friends. He yelled back saying you dont own me and all you do is ruin any friendship we had". It was true, we should allow friendships to be fluid, like waves, they come and they go until a real close relationship forms where both are like glue forever. And that happens naturally.

Obsession, controlling etc can be treated with things like therapy. It is a very important development you will benefit from. But on the plus side it means you care and people with obsessional feelings are usually kind and empathetic which, means you have a head start on many other people in the world. It also means you are not a terrible person.

Reply anytime

TonyWK

[rory_shrimp]

aw man tysm this actually makes me feel alot better TwT

[white knight]

Great mate

When we make adjustments to our lives like getting treatment or even investigating our symptoms and behaviour, we also should try to categorise the nature of duch changes. Eg some changes like therapy or medication can work in long or medium term, self discipline like trying to be less controlling might take simple proactive change within hours.

It also helps when a peer advisor offers clear advise. I recall joining the Airforce at 17yo and running and marching. One day we had a 30km "battle run" meaning running that far dressed in greens holding arms. After 5km i began to drop back from the troops but my boss yelled at me to catch up. I did and completed the run. Without him I would have stopped.

Its a credit to you that you read, listen take it on board and move forward.

That's remarkable.

"Keep moving forward... we should not reverse, only cars do..."

TonyWK