Hello

[PandoranMama]

Hi. Hello.

Decided to post on here cause why not?

Can call me Mads, Mama, Yeen... I have a few nicknames, and more are welcome.

They/Them pronouns

28, casual, queer, indigenous online artist.

I like animals, creatures, monsters, videos games, music, art, etc, etc.

I also suffer from general anxiety and depression and it really sucks to be honest because I want to be able to do things, get out there, get a job and all that, but it feels like nothing seems to ever happen.

And the worst part is I know it's up to me. I have to be the one to do something, but I don't know where to start. I'm almost 29 and feel like I don't know how to be a functional adult. It really eats at me because of how much I want to do, but can't.

Hopefully I'll be able to find some help on here, or at least pluck up the courage and energy to actually get my butt into gear and do something to help myself.

Questions are welcome!

[Sophie_M]

Hi there PandoranMama!

We are delighted you have chosen to join us on the forums!

Your background sounds amazing! We will be extremely blessed by your knowledge, awareness and experiences! We hope you might reach out to others on the forums with your vast abilities, as well as share more of your stories with us.

We are grateful you have come to us with the battle against the beast that are Anxiety Disorder and Depression, and we hope that the community can be an amazing support for you, as they so often prove to be! We wanted to let you know as well that you can reach out to us here as well. You can call the beyond blue team 24/7 on 1300 22 4636 and you can use our webchat function as well by clicking https://www.beyondblue.org.au/support-service/chat

Please know if you get lost at all, or have any questions you can email the forum team at modsupport@beyondblue.org.au 

We know that others in the forums will want to be in touch soon, so please keep talking to us!

Regards,

Sophie M.

[ecomama]

Welcome to the forums Yeen! You are SO WELCOME. 
I am SO HAPPY you joined up! Yay! 
In our Nation here we say YAMA! so YAMA! 

I'm really excited for you, I truly am. 

"I have to be the one to do something, but I don't know where to start."

By joining up HERE, you've done something. I am SO PROUD of YOU! 

So lol you've already started. High five! 

But this "start" began many years ago.
You know this.
Are you feeling the rumblings of movement deep inside of you now urging you to do something somehow? 

Do you know that ALL you have to do is take the next BEST step? 
Just the next one, 

then the next one... before long you walk and then you stride THEN you RUN!

Chasing those dreams because they wouldn't be YOUR dreams unless you could have them. 

Depressive thoughts come by us living in the past. 
Anxious thoughts come by us living in the future! 
ALL WE HAVE IS NOW. 

By quietening your mind. Opening your mind first, then your heart. SEEING your dreams in your imaginings roll out in front of you. 
This is mindfulness and or Meditation. 

Do you have Netflix? I want you to see the research on healing there in Brene Brown's "The Call to Courage"... if not then Brene has a billion YouTube and Ted Talks I've watched a billion times UNTIL... over and over UNTIL these became knowledge I put into ACTION. 

There's more! Let us know how you go. 

How are you doing today? 
Love EMxxxx

[smallwolf]

Hello and welcome.

Firstly it takes courage to recognise a problem and then write here. The cool thing thing is that many here have been in the same position. I am not sure whether you are getting any professional help or not. Perhaps you could answer that. From what I read in your post you sound like a very creative person. Some of the things you mentioned can also be therapeutic. Of course we each have to find what works for us. I don't want to overload you with too much initially but we can start a conversation here...

[PandoranMama]

I'm currently not getting any professional help no. I'm not entirely sure where to start on that front. I've really only ever spoken to one therapist a good few years ago now and it didn't work out because I felt like she wasn't really listening to me. Though it might have also been I just wasn't in the right space to do what I needed to in order to better myself at the time.

While I'm not a very combative person, I suppose I can be quite stubborn and anxious to take the next step, and while logically I know it wouldn't be bad, and that certain advice and comments are not an attack on me personally, I think we all know anxiety and depression don't exactly listen to logic. lol

And yeah, I've been drawing for probably over 2 decades. Sometimes I wish professionally to some degree so I was able to make money, but at the moment I'm stuck on government allowance while looking for work, so... "fun" lol

[PandoranMama]

Thank you for the warm welcome, and thank you for all the encouragement and positive vibes.

Things have not been so good for me recently so I decided to try something... since telephone calls are not something I enjoy, although out society is very much focused on them when it comes to communication. So I know at some point I will have to make them.

And yes. The horrible things about anxiety and depression is that I know what is happening. My logical brain is still working and is telling me that it honestly will not be as bad as I make it out to be, that I am the only one really holding me back from doing things... but neither of my problems listen to logic, and they are so much louder sometimes.

There is also the possibility I might have ADHD, as my gf(who is diagnosed with it) believes that I could have it to some degree. So that also doesn't help me in trying to stay focused and keep myself on the right path.

At the moment I don't know if I really have any big "dreams". I know I have at least a few smaller goals — find a job, learn how to drive, move in with my gf — but I've never been one to know what I really want to do in life. It kinda sucks because I know as a child I was so big on things that I could and would love to be, but that flame was snuffed out at some point as I grew and society got to me, lol

I don't have Netflix, but I'm also not big on watching shows and such. I can't make promises, but I will possibly check these out at some point, if I remember to, lol

As for how I'm doing today... could be better.

Coming off a few days with a few small breakdowns over the fact I feel like I'm useless and won't ever amount to anything, and that I disappoint everyone, and what to sink into the ground and cease to exist for a while, lol

Thank you again though.