Hello, nice to meet you all

[James_92]

I'd been thinking about making an account here for some time, but there was something off-putting to me about joining a new community, as I've been used to the same routine for so long.

I don't have that much to say or ask, but I'd just like to get some opinions and thoughts from a community which seems far less toxic than the one I'm from (An Australian prawn catching forum). I've been mostly a shut in for the last five years (due to numerous reasons which are beside the point) and stepping back from "ordinary" life I've watched as people have seemingly become more and more tribal/divided on every issue that arises, whether it be health, political or anything, to the point where each considers the "other" evil and it feels as if people no longer talk to each other or are willing to even argue or listen to others' ideas. For someone like me who hates everything being like this, it feels like there's nowhere to go.

We all know social media is a big part of this, in some ways by design, and that the nature of it forces people to places where only like minded people lurk. The few times I've talked with people in real life (Who weren't family members) their behavior did not seem to fit the extreme partisan type I had described above, then I go online and I'm told if I wasn't aware of some issue then I'm part of the problem and that I have a "duty" to act on it.

It's a small sample size and it's anecdotal of course, but I need to ask the people here, do you miss being able to have civil conversations with others you may disagree with? Am I wrong and the internet/social media is giving me an unrealistic impression of how people behave now?

[Croix]

Dear James_92~

I'd like to welcome you here to the Forum, which is just what I expect you were hoping for, a place where people are respectful of each other, even if they hold opposite views. This is partly becuse of the rules, partly becuse what is posted here is checked to see if it is likely to cause harm, and partly because everyone here has had hard times and this tends to make them more sympathetic and understanding towards those who have also suffered.

You can't say the same thing for social media, which may have many advantages but has huge downsides too. The fact that you are remote from a person, not present and seeing all the eye-to-eye visual clues seems to make some people lose their sense of moderation, and they can become abusive and dogmatic. I guess it is easy to forget one is interacting wiht real people, not just bits of text. 

At the same time there is no real way to see if anyone is telling the truth, or exaggerating some things and totally ignoring others.

Then too there is the 'echo' effect, where some people tend to block those they disagree with, ending up in a world where nobody disagrees with them , causing them to become more and more extreme.

Add to al this mix the fact that may people may simply be thoughtless, with no intent ot harm, and you end up with a pretty potent mix.

For some reason people tend to be affected more deeply and longer by the unpleasant than something good, so if you have a dose of toxic media its effect is going ot be disproportionately large. That's the reason I don't listen ot the news of a morning, if I did I'd get increasingly frustrated and depressed as the news invariably is bad, and that would help ruin my day.

I'd say you are right, on social media there is nowhere to go, unless you are in a specialist or moderated group.

Is there any chance you can get out and about more and enjoy more pleasant social interaction?

Croix

[On The Road]

Hi James_92 welcome to the forum 😊

Perhaps because it's anonymous or not directly face to face, ppl on social media tend to be more tribal and more out front when it comes to discussing issues, sometimes they even act out, and vent it out in an extreme way as they'd thought it's of no consequence or no serious consequences, most of the time they just got banned or de-platformed. 

I have similar feelings towards this that's why now I rarely engage in any conversation that could probably go sour online, it just won't help my mental health. I agree that in real life we tend to be more civilized because we want to look good & don't wanna cause trouble. and it's easier to find common ground when we argue in real life, the one in front of us is as humane as we are, it's not just an account, which I reckon would soften the situation. Of course fights happen, but it's not as easily triggered as it is online. 

Does anything I said that you resonate or don't agree with? Please feel free to share more 🙂 we are here to listen.

[Mark Z.]

Hi James_92,

Welcome to the forum.

I believe you bring up a complex but meaningful topic.

I think everyone has two sides deep in their heart, the side of kindness and the 'dark' side. Many factors will have influence on people's hearts, and determine which side dominates us. 

For example, according to Maslow's model, if we are in a prosperous, wealthy, and stable era, we will be more willing to release kindness and perform more altruistic behaviors. But when the economy is down, when there are various instabilities in society, and our quality of life is affected, our attitudes and behaviors gradually become less generous. It sounds a little sad, isn't it?

Another example is the online virtual community and offline physical community you mentioned. Online, our dark side can easily be magnified without proper guidance and management, coupled with people not being held accountable for their words. While off-line in the physical community where we're living, these words or behaviors  might not be tolerated. 

But there're also online forums where people aim to support and help each other, such as this forum. I guess it's because of the nature of the physical organization (BeyondBlue) behind it, and its well-established management. 

Mark

[James_92]

I'd love to get out more, though I'm not really a social person. Part of the problem honestly is just not having much of a means to meet people, I'm currently unemployed (Though I've been looking for entry level jobs so that I can hopefully support myself in higher education) and really only have one family member, my brother, that has become close with me over the last few years. If I can expand my social circle then I'll definitely try and seek out that avenue.

[James_92]

Yes, for sure it resonates, I'm seeing a lot of frustration from people due to some serious problems we're facing in Australia (Really they're occurring worldwide) and although things seem to be escalating, perhaps people will be more willing to discuss these problems face to face as they become more relevant.

It's strange, the forum where I'm from is almost completely uncensored (It is moderated slightly) and there's a varied mix of garbage and sincere opinions which can sometimes be insightful, it basically allows all views to be presented. There are times where I spend half an hour sifting through utter trash, but some days you may read of the struggles a person goes through and it's a unique experience seeing the "rawness" in the way that they express themselves. I don't really get offended or feel bad when someone insults me online, I just feel there's no weight behind it, compared to being insulted by someone you know personally. It may just be a by-product of using the website that I became used to, or maybe my priorities are just different to some people. 

[Fiatlux]

Hi James_92,

Sincerely, nice to meet you to.

YES! I do miss being able to have civil conversations with others, whether we agree or disagree on the topic of conversation.

At times I miss heated debates on social media and am tempted to have a peak occasionally but my common sense gets the better of me. It has been a while since I have been labelled a 'snowflake' or 'woke'.

Being socially aware also has some negativity. There is so much going on. I ask myself how much can I absorb before I start to become numb to it all. 

Here on BB I can express many feelings without the fear of being attacked. For example, a thought came to me that the World including Mother Nature has just gone mad. We have had Fires, Pandemics, Floods, snow one day and heat wave the next and it's November. 

The 24/7 constant bombardment of News from around the World and now from Space, has kept us too well informed. How can we watch a War going on while maintaining a sense of normality in our every day lives. We have to block it out and become de-sensitised. 

You are not wrong about how some people behave now. I find that I cannot have a passing discussion with my 25 year old son without it and him becoming verbally abusive and it ends with a tirade of homophobic and racist abuse, re the Soccer World Cup for example. It is just his Generation who receive far too much information, mis-information and opinions on Social Media? 

My Motto is “Before you speak ask yourself if what you are going to say is true, is kind, is necessary, is helpful.

Have a great day!

[James_92]

Nice to meet you too Fiatlux, 

Yes, I've seen all the stuff spewed back and forth between both sides of the aisle, including the terms you listed. Isn't it unfortunate we all just shove these vague labels on each other, almost to remove and nuance and dismiss conversation. I used to be guilty of that too, and I'd have an immediate reaction to certain terms etc. Ironically I don't think I'd be as open as I am toward other people's ideas if I didn't spend time in the "boogeyman" of an environment I did.

The world feels like a mess in a number of ways and it's bizarre to me the way the news media seems to purposely get us all on edge instead of what it should be doing, trying to give us a sense of optimism and keeping us thinking rationally. I think it's betrayed a responsibility it had. How are we supposed to come to solutions together with the state we're in?

About your son, it's complicated. There are things I wouldn't say here because it's a complex issue (I know how this sounds, but I mean it without any hostility) and also a very sensitive one, I may not even get this post approved. I'm around the same age and although I'm not a soccer fan, I can guess exactly what he was talking about. Everything, including sport has become politicized, some see it as necessary to enforce a message (In this case human or cultural rights) constantly while others want a form of escapism.

If you're a person who thinks homophobia and racism are an epidemic, then someone like me saying it's a complex issue may seem highly offensive, I understand. The opposite is true for a person who may think these issues exist, but are overblown to create a divide among people and benefit from that. When the latter sees certain issues pushed into a place where they feel they don't belong, it may feel artificial to them or they feel there is an agenda. Maybe that's how your son feels, or maybe not.

I had more to this message, but it exceeded the character limit. I'll post the rest soon if allowed.

[James_92]

I think most people are good, and I think the overwhelming majority aren't racists (I'm not denying Qatar's issues). I doubt your son decided one day to suddenly have those opinions (I've seen people from all views become radicalized over time). If he's abusing you then disregard this (You should make sure you're safe), but you could sit down with him and ask him what he believes and why, and then try and de-escalate things a little. I believe sunlight is the best disinfectant, and in my experience if you don't talk about problems with people you care about, then they're bound to get worse.

[Fiatlux]

Thank you for your thoughtful reply.

I was thinking that I should ask my son to write down his thoughts and feelings. He suffers from anxiety and has done so all his life. My eldest son is 27 and although my boys were very close, they couldn’t be any more different. 

I look forward to reading your posts.