Hello lovelies

[Pregnantandterrified]

Hello lovely people,

Just here to intro myself. 33, mum of 1 step mum of 1 and 1 on the way. Here for a variety of reasons. Suffering extreme panic attacks, mostly brought on by dealing with a narcissistic mother in law. (Appears to be a combo of covert/introverted narcissisim and malignant narcissism) I am the unwilling target, and our children are the prize. Asking for advice from anyone who has dealt with a situation like this.

[white knight]

Hi and welcome

You seem to have some challenges. How is you husband handling his mothers attitude? Does he feel the "meat in the sandwich"?

Narcissism is extremely difficult to deal with. The need for control and power over others can destroy lives.

My mother made false reports to authorities about abuse of my neices so care for her 11yo granddaughter could be transferred to her. Sadly it worked for a few weeks until I intervened. So I'm aware of such interference of untruths.

To me your major worry could be your hubby. If he is accommodating to her, is largely unaware of her negative affects on stability...you have a serious issue. If he is protecting of you and agrees that her methods are causing trauma like your panic attacks, then together you can make future plans to set firm boundaries.

A move to consult a family counselor with your husband would be beneficial to unite you both for strategies. Being on the same page helps.

As for panic attacks this is very serious. However I'm living proof of recovery. I started with therapy.

Google these

Beyondblue forum topic you cant save the world

Beyondblue forum topic he helped me for 25 years Maharaji

Beyondblue forum topic worry worry worry

All the best.

TonyWK

[Pregnantandterrified]

Oh TonyWK,

if only you knew how much your reply means to me! As soon as I saw that someone had replied I burst into tears. I’ve been in this silent pain for so long! Someone finally heard me! I will read the pages you’ve suggested. My husband is protective of me, but fails to realise the implications for his daughter. He figures “he turned out ok”. How? God knows! Doing my best to support my family through this, but my goodness it’s hard. Never cried so much in my life. Scared to leave the house during school holidays, as the grandparents know the kids are here. Scared for my son to begin daycare in Jan, as this woman is an early childhood educator and has attempted to gain access to my stepdaughter through employment at her school and a variety of volunteer work. Scared to have to face them on Christmas Day. It’s endless.... I’m just powerless and terrified. Looking forward to understanding how to better manage my own anxiety, and how to live (if that’s what Living is!) like this.

Merry Christmas to you,

And Thankyou again for hearing me in a world full of cries for help

[Burdy]

Hi Pregnantandterrified and a warm welcome to the forums.

Haven't been here long myself but have found a very welcoming, understand and caring community here.

I came here in search for answers on how to deal with my own NPD mother so I can relate to your story.

My son is grown now, 21 years old and fortunately my mother hasn't taken an interest in him for quite a few years. But when he was younger she did, not that she actually cared about him he was a tool she used to control me - hence why she lost interest in him after a while, especially once she lost all control over me.

At this stage I can't offer much more advice than what TonyWK has and that is that you and your husband work together in dealing with this - it is great that he supports you especially as it is his mother. TonyWK makes a great suggestion that the two of you see a counselor together to help with strategies to deal with her together.

I think you both need to set very clear boundaries to your MIL that you are comfortable with. I'm sorry you feel powerless but remember they are your children and it is ok for you to set boundaries.

I eventually had to cease all contact with my mother.

Please keep using the forum as a safe place to unload, no pressure write as much or as little as you feel comfortable. I found that I felt better after I had written it out and then as you experienced, even better when someone replies - not so alone hey? 🙂

Burdy