Hi again Ms Sensitive;
You seem to have quite a few issues going on there from what you've written. It's no wonder you're finding it tough. I know what it's like to have a son without his dad present for special occasions. I was a single mum, my son is grown up now so those situations rarely occur.
I don't know how many times I've heard people tell me to toughen up, it infuriates me. You have a right to express your sadness and grief in your own way and timing. Trying to shove feelings down only makes matters worse because you're not being true to yourself.
Fear can be at the core of most problems, whether it's the past or future causing concern. Mindfulness is a technique used to bring focus to the present moment. This gives a sense of control and peace in dealing with life in the 'now' instead of 'imagining' what the outcome will be (or once was) and worrying about it.
There's plenty of info about this online or in books, to learn how to incorporate it into your daily life. Most of us on here swear by it as a strategy to face each day with purpose and self maintenance. It doesn't mean you won't feel anymore, it just stops the worry when 'what if's' take over.
Medication for anxiety/panic has the capacity to give you a break from symptoms long enough to sort thru daily life and give your mind some well earned respite. (Not to mention the great side effect of quality sleep)
Discussing this with your GP might serve to turn things around. Talking with a psychologist could also help to find the core of your fear and instil some coping strategies. Anti depressants sometimes don't address anxiety; they didn't with me, so anti anxiety medication was prescribed. It saved my life.
I understand the issues you face are difficult, but without you being at your best, coping will remain tough. You are your biggest priority in this respect. Put the oxygen mask on yourself first as they say.
I wish you well; I hope opening up as you've done helped to rid yourself of some pain and gave you confidence with posting and seeing us as new friends.
Kind thoughts...Sara xo
