Hello Friends

[GenXburnout]

I am new to Beyond Blue, and to any forum like it, so forgive me if I get something wrong.

As an introduction, because it seems only polite, I am a cold war kid who has never really been that stable. I have struggled and fought through addictions and paranoia, anxiety and depression as long as my memories go. Not to overstate my case, I am a healthy white middle class male with an education,.... perspective.

I have two beautiful intellegent boys and a wife who is the most productive and creative person I have ever known and I love her dearly.

seven or eight years ago I finally emerged from fifteen or more years a heroin addict. I emerged broken, and exhausted by what I thought was the battle of my life, naieve maybe to think that it would be downhill if I could get out. Of course "the ocean's just a desert with it's food underground and a perfect disguise above", to quote America.

At least as a junkie my defect was obvious, it was never hard to find help.

I find myself now in an even more desperate struggle to keep my head above water.

So here is me waving to the lifeguards.

I hope I can find a place in this community,

Thanks friends

[JessF]

Hello GenXburnout, welcome here. It is not uncommon for people to come and post here and say something along the lines of, I have everything in life, but I am still struggling. There's a lot of added guilt and desperation that comes on top of that, feeling that we should be feeling a certain way because we have been blessed in life with good family, friends, education, propserity.

I think it's interesting that you say that when you had a heroin problem, it was a bit easier to seek help, because you could put all your problems in a box marked 'heroin' and be treated accordingly. Do you think perhaps you turned to drugs as a way of escaping the paranoia, anxiety and depression you were feeling?

I see you waving to the lifeguards. I would like to finish up by saying, I think you have the potential to be your own lifeguard. Despite your struggles with stability, you are here. You have survived drug addiction, and are a father to two beautiful, intelligent boys, and a productive, creative wife who loves you. Think what they must see in you to be by your side - sometimes it's hard to see our own strengths.

I hope you will post again soon.

[GenXburnout]

Thank you JessF,

Yeah, I had established this fact long ago. The hardest way to have a mental health issue is to be a clean living, law abiding citizen. And your right, of course, that escape was the whole appeal of drugs in the first place. I guess I am daunted that however hard it was to get clean, this is harder, and there is no crutch, and I am ill equiped to fight such an invisible adversary.

Thanks again, voice from the blue,

Gen

[baet123]

Hi GenXBurnout,

Welcome to the forums and it is great to have you here and there is nothing for you to apologise for. You will find that BB is a great non-judgmental platform where you can share your situation and receive advice/support from people who are experiencing and have experienced what your dealing with at the moment. I would also like to point out that it is extremely brave and courageous of you to post on the forums and share your story with us. I thank you for this and you should be proud mate.

I think its amazing that you have gone through addiction and battled it for years and now have come out on the other side. You seem extremely resilient and hard working and a loving and caring father and husband and I am sure your family is proud of you. By the way, you are extremely intellectual. You write with such depth and emotion. Have you written professionally before?

One thing you might want to look into is seeing your GP and either establishing a mental health care plan and schedule an appointment with a psychologist who specialises in additiction/depression and keep "shopping around"until you find one which you are comfortable and have a connection with. The professional/client relationship is so so important and is often a big contributing factor to a client's improvement. Are you on medication at the moment? I recommend that you consult with your GP and seek a referral to a psychiatrist and consider your options in terms of medication. I think a combination of medication/intervention techniques and methods may be the way to go.

You may think that you are ill equipped but you aren't mate. You have a supportive family, us on the forums and a plethora of health professionals that want to assist you.

Please keep us posted and I await your reply.

Stay strong mate and try be as positive as possible.

All the best,

Nick.