Hi Dani867
Firstly you are not crazy! Some of the things you've described
experiencing are really, really normal. So I'm glad you've reached out for some
help and reassurance and I'm positive there are many people here who have felt
very similar things to you.
I wanted to say that giving up alcohol, which you were using to numb the
fear, was a really positive thing to do. It probably was really helpful for you
in the short term but in the long term, became an avoidant coping strategy that wasn’t actually helping you to manage the underlying reasons for your anxiety. So
well done, I’m sure it was a hard decision to make and an even harder thing to
actually do.
Another thing that would be helpful for you, but also really hard to
give up, is the constant googling of symptoms. I too have fallen into the trap
of googling symptoms and concluding that I or my children must have a
significant and life-threatening illness. But so far for me, none of us have
had anything worse than a virus. I wonder if that’s also the case for you? That
despite google’s suggestions, and the terrible diseases you have thought you or
your children must have, that nothing life-threatening has so far eventuated?
You say you’ve struggled with anxiety all your life – but that it’s been
even worse for the last three years. It must be really hard for you to manage
these fears you have, whilst trying to stay strong for your children.
I’m not exactly sure what type of psychological support you’ve been
accessing but I’m assuming you’ve been seeing a Psychologist through your
Mental Health Care Plan. And I’m guessing they’ve been trying to address your Health
Anxiety through a Cognitive Behavioural Therapy approach? You mention you only
have two sessions left and as you say, understandably this is really scary for
you. I wonder if you have considered accessing support through a University
Psychology Clinic? Most of the major universities (like Melbourne, Monash,
LaTrobe, Swinburne, RMIT, VU) have a Psychology Clinic where you can access low
cost Psychology services delivered by their Psychology Masters students. I’m
not sure of the typical costs and the wait lists but it might be worth looking
into?
Good luck exploring some options,
SammyD
