Hello -first time poster

[Guest_68247342]

Hello All. I’m 40 f and I am all over the shop. My other half and I have been together for over 20yrs (not married) we have a  9yr old - thx to IVf . I have endometriosis and adneymosis and looking at a partial hysto. 
my other half - i love him- but he just beats me down - not physically - more like mentally / emotionally. He got really mad at me for dinner tonight and

i overcooked the veges so I had to re cook them. If I showed him I was upset/ tears he will get mad and tell me

to stop carrying on . He then later on as we went to bed - wanted me to

do something- I have no drive and i said no

not Tonite please - he got all

sooky and grabbed my hand .. down there and then guided me I  didn’t cry - in my head I was - I didn’t say no -

I just did it … and he was happy went to

sleep and I’m now wide awake at 1am. Still reeling and trying not

to cry - he thinks this hysto will solve all my libido problems - he thinks my anxiety is in my Head. He has strong opinions on mental health so I dont open up. He puts our son down with his sport - as like a

joke - but I can tell it starting to eat at him … he makes gay jokes and homophobia and he knows how strongly view is as my cousin whom I love and are very close too has a long term gf—— and my best friend is gay … so he doesn’t understand how much it

hurts me . I don’t know - I’m lost / I have no one to talk too.. can’t talk to anyone … I’m walking on eggshells …. I keep my thoughts to myself . — thank you for listening 

[Guest_28135390]

Hello, 

I just want to say you’re very brave to reach out for support. That is a big positive step. 
I know right now you may feel hopeless but there is a way to get through this and to achieve a better future for you and your child. Reach out and organise sessions with a psychologist who deals with trauma and abuse. This is not your fault and you have every right to feel how you feel. Remember to take deep breaths and regulate your breathing. Trauma creates a lot of tension in the body. Please seek professional help! You deserve to live in safety and be happy ❤️

[therising]

I feel for you so deeply, given all the challenges you're facing at this incredibly challenging time in your life. I think one of the greatest challenges of all sometimes can involve not having a partner who can really feel for us and what we're going through.

While I've been married to the same guy for 22 years, I used to think 'What's wrong with me? Why can't I be more easygoing? Why do I feel so depressed at times? Why can't I just be happy for both our sake?'. That's the shortened version of all the questions I used to ask myself. A lot has changed in recent times, based on having woken up to a number of factors. While I'm not suggesting that waking up to the nature of our partner is easy, what it can give us is the confidence that comes with identifying who we naturally are. I believe that when we can begin waking up to who we naturally are, things can start to take an interesting turn.

On a quest for greater self understanding, there are definitely some questions which can unlock the way forward. I've found some of those key questions can be

• 'Why am I so sensitive?' The answer can be 'This is one of my abilities in life, to sense or feel. Sensing or feeling is not my fault, it's my ability'. Sensing the need for compassion, the need to comfort someone, the need to lead them to wonder toward finding answers or the need to raise them are just a handful of the many feelings that come to serve. If you can feel those things, then you are a guiding light for people (your son included). Your son's blessed to have someone in his life who feels so deeply
• 'Why do certain people appear not to care about me?'. There can be many different answers to this one. They are insensitive (lacking the ability to sense) or they can be so self serving to the point where there is no room to care about anyone other than themself or both of these factors combined. On the other hand, some folk don't know how to care in the ways we need them to but they do actually care
• 'Why do I feel so lost?'. I've found this one to be rather straight forward. There can be no solid guidance and sense of direction. Whether physically lost or emotionally lost in life, it pays to stop and ask for directions, guidance from someone who can lead us in the best direction
• 'Why do I feel so depressed?'. Chances are, if we're a natural feeler, we're feeling the depressing nature of something. Again, it points to our ability to feel or sense. Could be a matter of 'There's nothing wrong with me, this job is depressing and I can feel it' or 'There's nothing wrong with me, my partner or their behaviour or nature is seriously and deeply depressing and I can feel it' and so on

I'm going to be a bit cheeky here and suggest that anyone who can feel or sense their partner's self serving and depressing nature should feel free to question it, out loud. If it helps, they could tap into or channel the wonderer in them that will lead them to a genuine sense of wonder. Could sound like 'I cannot help but wonder what leads you to be so self serving and depressing. I've been thinking about it and I just can't work it out'. Chances are the response is going to be 'I'm not self serving and depressing'. Again, a bit cheeky but the response to that could be 'Oh, yes you are and I know you are because I can feel it and I'm learning to trust what I feel'.

I'm glad you've come here to share your thoughts. Feel the freedom in coming back any time. ❤️

PS. I smile when I say that while my son, my daughter and myself are all sensitive, we tend to share an eye roll on occasion as if to say 'Yes, I also just sensed/felt what that person actually said out loud. What the heck?! Where is their filter? How could they not feel what they said? Are they insane?'. Wonder if you and your son share such looks on occasion.🙂