Helllllooooo!

[Boris_the_Florist]

Hey everyone,

First time posting here so thought I would introduce myself. I'm a 27 year old female just trying to get through life but it's been pretty rough at the moment. I have PTSD, BPD and OCD.

The main motive behind joining was to learn more about PTSD and converse with fellow sufferers. It's quite a complicated disorder, more than I ever knew. I was in a relationship with an abusive person, very narcissistic and emotionally cold. I've disassociated from the memories but the triggers are still there. I want to learn how to recognise triggers and how to manage them.

I don't take any medication and have no interest to do so. I hate having PTSD, it has dictated a huge amount of my life, I struggle to get out of bed, to eat, to see friends or family, to be patient... I barely make art anymore, it doesn't even interest me at all. It leaves me on edge all the time; I have trouble trusting my partner even. I don't trust anyone. I think they're all going to screw me over... this thought pattern has taken over my way of thinking and and I can barely live my life. I'm on auto pilot.

Sorry for the intense intro, haha. These forums seem so very helpful and I'm keen to be part of it.

[Guest_9809]

Welcome Boris the Florist to the BB Forums, and well done for joining and telling us a little about yourself in your intro thread.

Definitely no apology necessary for an intense intro. Due to the nature of anxiety and depression, that is often what this place is about. A lot of stories are intense, but I think it helps people to get their stories out there. The forums are a moderated and secure medium in which we can anonymously speak of things we often dont talk to others about. Always remember that you are talking to fellow sufferers who understand what you are going through.

I see that things are difficult for you right now Boris. Certainly its not easy contending with PTSD, OCD and BPD. I too suffer from PTSD and OCD, but know very little about BPD. There are others here who do though.

As your main motivation in joining BB is to learn more about PTSD and to talk to other sufferers, there are three things I would suggest you do first up:

1. Have a read of the resources that BB have on their website below. Start with the area called "The Facts". Go to the "Anxiety section". PTSD and OCD are considered to be Anxiety disorders.

2. Browse the PTSD & Trauma section of the Forums.

3. Browse the Long Term Support section, and locate those threads relating specifically to PTSD.

This will give you information about PTSD, and the members threads will provide tips on how they cope with the disorder on a day to day basis, and what works for them. There are some very inspiring stories there if you'd care to read through them. Please feel free to contribute to any of the threads that resonate with you.

Finally I will point out that being a Forum member doesnt have to be intense all the time. We have light hearted sections where you can take part in some fun and games, and even a Cafe. So if you feel like meeting some other members in an informal setting, check out the BB Social Zone threads. There are also threads relating to wellness located in the Staying Well section. Please reply to any threads that interest you. You will be made to feel welcome, and you will find the members to be non-judgemental and supportive.

I wont go into more detail for now, as we have a 2500 word limit, but I will get back to you again to discuss some of the other things you speak of in your introduction. Probably by then, you will have received further replies from other caring members.

I hope to see you around some of the PTSD threads.

Taurus

[Croix]

Dear Boris TF (hope you don't mind the abbreviation)~

After that lovely post from Taurus I'm not sure how much more needs to be said, other than to make you feel really welcome. Nobody is going to 'screw you over here', it's a pretty gentle understanding place. Others - myself included - have suffered PTSD and related conditions and know it all too well.

One of the bad things of PTSD is how it changes your thinking to negative, suspicious, withdrawn, angry - without letting you know your thoughts have been altered. Unfortunately that is not an ideal mindset to be receptive to the idea of treatment. In my own case I resisted until it became impossible to go on. I'm in a pretty good place now thanks to meds, therapy and personal support - mainly my wife.

Triggers are a huge problem and I don't know any easy answers. Therapies such as CBT assist in making them less potent and how to cope. Time and experience do too, not only learning what to avoid, but lessening their effect as the past gets more distant (mostly anyway). I still get triggered after umpteen years, but do not go near as deep, do not find it as overwhelming and upsetting and recover much quicker.

You mentioned art, might I ask what sort you used to do?

I hope you find information and understanding here, please talk as much as you'd like

Croix

[Guest_9809]

Hi Boris, I promised to get back to you regarding some of the things you brought up in your intro post. I couldnt cover everything I wanted to in my first reply due to the word limitations we have. It appears you've not been back to read your messages yet, so I will take the opportunity to respond again.

1. You said that you wanted to recognise triggers and learn how to manage them. Triggers can be all around you, and may not always be directly related to your trauma. Triggers are sparked from a news articles, TV shows, certain smells, places, an anniversary, a car accident, a difficult relationship.

Sometimes we are unable to avoid triggers so its important to learn ways of coping with them to lessen the impact they have on us. Mindfulness, yoga, deep breathing, poetry, social support and grounding techniques all help. Through increased awareness, your emotional reactions become more understandable, valid, predictable and help you feel more in control.

2. You spoke about having lost interest in a lot of things you used to really enjoy. Also feeling constantly being on edge, having no patience and no longer trusting people. This is all typical for those with PTSD. I have PTSD and recognise all of this in myself. I am starting to turn things around though, after finally accepting I needed help last year. Developing a better knowledge of the disorder and learning different methods of coping with the symptoms helps a lot. As does having someone you trust and respect who you can talk to. My clinical psychologist has been invaluable to me for that. And the good people here on BB have also been a huge support throughout the process.

The most difficult thing has been to learn to trust anyone again. My trust had been broken badly as a result of my trauma. It is terribly difficult to overcome the sense that nobody can be trusted. It takes time and effort and I suspect I will never again be the trusting person I once was. My natural inclination pre trauma had been that people are good and can be trusted, post trauma I am always looking for the worst in people, because I know its there .... I've seen it. Thats not a healthy attitude and I know I need to work harder on that. Lack of trust remains a big issue for most of us.

Dissociation is a common self preservation thing where we block out memories or situations we are unable to deal with. I too have experienced it, and know it can be scary.

I hope to hear back from you Boris.

Taurus