Hello salem,
oh wow there's a lot happening in your world right now. I do not know how to help as i'm only 26, but speaking from the perspective of your boys, I'd say you've given us so much opportunity as parents, but now it's time to leave us to our lives. We will make of it what we will.
I have a friend who loves to drink and loves to party and loves his drugs. I think he's being silly and wasting a lot of time and effort and money doing things which are probably bad for his body, but he wouldn't be happier doing anything different. Perhaps he'll regret it later on, but he'll learn from that and change.
I have another friend who works in finance 8am-6pm every day. she quit her last finance job in tears because she hated it, and joined another finance company. gets paid well, but doesn't know who she is or what she likes to do. Perhaps she'll regret it later on, but she'll learn from that and change.
So as tony said, they will be fine. whereever they are now in life, things will change with or without your help. instead, you have a lot of troubles yourself with the cancer and your negative thoughts. Have you ever spoken to anyone about how you feel emotionally? I have a friend who had cancer and I understand the physical body sometimes takes precedence over our emotional state, but I wonder if you have ever had a chance to speak to a GP or therapist about how you feel emotionally?
James
