Friendships & Social Media

[creativevibes94]

Sometimes, social media can be a really hard thing. As much as you claim not to be playing the comparison game with the number of people affirming posts, you never really escape it. You can show people the kind of affirmation that you want, but never get it back. I am one of three fairly outgoing siblings. I’d say we all are good at making friends. But my sisters never went through the same course of youth as I did - being brutally bullied and not having many friends in high school. In adulthood, I’ve always been really frustrated that I’ve never been able to make up for this. Barely any of my friendships have been permanent and what hurts the most is always welcoming people to your home only to later scroll past photos of them all hanging out together, without you. Seeing how effortlessly others get affirmation and love from friends on these platforms puts salt in that wound. I feel juvenile. In my late 20’s and still asking “If I’m always so friendly and outgoing, why don’t people like me enough to show it and what do I need to do fix that?”. 😞

I feel like people don’t see me or care about me unless I force myself into their field of attention. I’m not someone that anyone thinks about when I’m not standing in front of them. And I know that perhaps I need to reach out and show that kind of love first - and I do! But it gets so exhausting when you try and try and try and get nothing back. I just want to know what I have to do to have long lasting friends that actually remember that I exist. 

[white knight]

Hi, welcome

I went off Facebook for 5 months about 10 years ago. All my "friends" stopped contact as FB was their sole means of contact. I decided then and there to return to FB under my terms. Those terms were- that regardless of their relationship status with me if they bullied or posted a nasty comment I would block them. I probably have 100 blocked people on my block list now and that shows us the extent of nastiness on social media, less of my paranoia due to sensitivity (and I am sensitive). If I'm very sensitive then that is a factor that others should know about and adjust.

This approach of mine transferred to my other relationships not on social media. If I meet a friend from a friend and sense that they can be toxic, I wont pursue that as a friendship. We should protect ourselves at all costs. Part of that protective new view is to seek out new friends that have the same values and hobbies/sports as you. Your world doesnt have to be revolving around the same old group of people. The more people you meet the more active will be your toxic removal activity but the more great people with those same values will enter your life.

The following thread demonstrates how you need to protect yourself against your own vulnerability of allowing the wrong people to enter your life without a filter that most people have.

Fortress of survival - Beyond Blue Forums - 216226

Fortress of survival part 2 - Beyond Blue Forums - 399555

TonyWK