Finding out your adopted at 55 in another country

[Shocked55]

Hi, Not sure I am in the right place , but here goes, My mum dad and two sisters emigrated to Australia in the 80s, and just before Xmas I thought gee I haven’t got a birth certificate, and all this Covid stuff is asking for this information, so I contacted gov site in Scotland to get a copy as my dad said didn’t have it, my mother passed a few years ago, only to find out I can’t because I am adopted, broached the subject with my 80 odds father on Xmas day and he confirmed it. I really don’t know how I feel, I am sort of numb, and my partner wants to ask all these questions but I really don’t want to ask my dad, as he seems to be now just going on as if everything is the same. My two sisters apparently don’t know, and we don’t have any other extended family left alive, but I do feel a bit silly thinking back on conversations about how my kids look like dad etc and of course they don’t… I am not at the stage of thinking of finding someone, I am just at early stages of applying to courts to get my birth certificate, and I have adoption paperwork in the mail to me from Scotland, although not sure what that will show etc yet.

[romantic_thi3f]

Hi Shocked55,

Welcome to the forums and thank you for your post. You're in the right place. I hope that you get value out of being here.

I'm a little shocked too! I'm trying to find some words to bring you comfort or support, but it's just so hard to imagine. To think that there's been 55 years of not knowing. What a big thing to hear and reflect on.

It sounds like you've been talking to your partner about it which is good; do you have other outlets and people to talk to? How do you think we can be here for you?

Take care,

rt

[white knight]

Hi, welcome

I can understand you feel numb and all sorts of issues and acceptance processes need to take place in steps. I cant help but feel some counseling would be very beneficial.

When you are ready sites like "My heritage" or a genealogist could be gainful. I think I would inform your siblings as soon as possible because your adoptive father might pass away and they wouldnt have had the opportunity to question him also one of them might want to pursue it with vigour and that would be a blessing if you are less inclined. Another thought is- they might want to share ideas and the whole process which will unite you more. They would think it is their right to know dont you think?

I hope you are ok

TonyWK

[Shocked55]

You already have helped thank you , being able to write it got some of it off my chest, and your response

[Shocked55]

Yes I think your right, I have one older and one younger but they aren’t adopted only me, but I think my younger one would be more forthright about asking questions, thanks for responding , I have enquired about counselling, thank you for responding.

[quirkywords]

Shocked

welcome to the forum.

I can understand how numb you must feel.

My partner always knew he was adopted but was about your age when he started to research his birth family. He had been told not to look for his birth mother while his adopted mum was alive but when she found he was looking she was pleased.

This was about 20 years ago before internet. He said the birth certificate and adoption certificate are a good start. Hopefully it is a full birth certificate,

There are organisations that support people who are adopted that provide counselling.

My partner’s adoption took place in UK and 20 years ago he had to travel there to get his birth certificate in person. Usually the father isn’t mentioned on birth certificate.

Most genealogy societies have a special section to help people who were adopted to get birth certificates as it can be a lot of red tape.

My partner found that talking to other people who were on the same journey that he found through genealogy societies really helped him with their experienced advice.

Please feel free if you want to ask any questions or post here , we are listening.