Finding my way in this Wilderness

[MacLog]

Hiya just joined this thread tonight, I think It will be good for me, I was only recently diagnosed with Bipolar 11 , which they say I have had since I was 22 after my first breakdown, I am now 52 and have struggled all my life with severe depression and anxiety, I am grateful that I was finally diagnosed as it makes sense of all that I experience in Life is part of a reality that exists for so many of us, I call it the wilderness, its such a solo journey, like grief,every day I try so hard to push myself upwards and on but the fatigue, the disconnecting feeling mixed with a sorrow only a person with Bipolar would understand, I cant feel joy, the medication took all feelings away, it helped my anxiety but there is a big price to pay, my mum recently passed away, and I have realized that mum suffered with Bipolar all her life and that is why she became an alcoholic, she was self medicating, which I know I used to do, I know I will have better days I will fight for the beautiful life I have with my supportive partner and my dad who is always the guiding light, I send my support to you all and strength in numbers that we find a way to live with the challenges Bipolar sends our way, and to anyone with any kind of mental health problems sending hope always Thanks

[blondguy]

Hello Maclog

Welcome to the forums and thankyou for taking the time (and courage) to post too

I am also in my 50's (57) and have had chronic anxiety from 1983 which had dissipated yet morphed into depression. I understand where you are coming from. I am not an expert on Bipolar but I know about the roller coaster ride of depression.....the ups and downs...

The medication can be a pain as this is my 21st year on AD's and yes they can take some of our joy away. I was fortunate as I learned early (just for me) that the meds are never a fix all but do provide us with a solid platform on which we can rebuild using frequent counseling as a continual 'tune up'....I still see my psych every 4 months and my GP every 4 weeks just to keep some reassurance/joy in my life

Your post/thread topic is inspirational and very helpful here. I joined in early 2016 after I had difficulty concentrating at work with the on and off again depression levels

There are many gentle people on the forums that suffer from the same as we do MacLog. I really hope you can stick around the forums.

What a great post and thankyou again MacLog

My Kind thoughts

Paul

[geoff]

hello MacLog, welcome to the site and yes it's good to be finally diagnosed but that doesn't relieve your pain suffering from anxiety, depression and your BP which does put you into another group where we have several members suffering from the same illness.
I'm sorry about the passing of your mum, but with any type of depression it's easy to self medicate with alcohol, I did for a number of years.
It may seem as though it can be lonely but there are people here who can also help you, we all need eachother to understand this illness. Geoff.

[MacLog]

Thanks Paul so much, when I read your reply this morning I felt grateful for your support and understanding, knowing I can communicate with others has given me strength, like you I know the medication is just one part of the journey, I push myself everyday to , walking with my dog , listening to the birds, these are my saviour, I look forward to staying on this forum, sending hope to you all, kindest regards Mc Log

[MacLog]

Hiya thankyou for your welcome support, I was glad to finally get diagnosed as the AD iv been on most of my life were not working for the BP, I am finding the new meds a challenge as I feel like crap every morning, trying to break through the fog, Iv been on them four months and I know they are helping it just the stuff they take away, the loss of feelings etc, I feel for anyone with any kind of mental health problems, and I know that by talking and listening to each other we can lighten the load a bit, its a hell of a lot to carry around every day, when I awake Its like a war going on in my head, no wonder we get so tired and weary, I hope you have some good days and glad you may be like myself and stay away from alcohol its the worst thing ever for anxiety and depression, Look forward to being a part of these threads, thanks for your welcome and kind words, Mc Log

[meercat]

Hi MacLog. Welcome im meercat 64 yrs old bipolar 43 yrs. Iv found there is a life with bipolar..what a ride it has taken me on.

Recently i was frozen..i couldnt do anything. A few days before i was walking and kayaking. My low salt diet had affected my meds and when i caught a virus as well i just curled up and went to" sleep".

It was scarey the worst incident ever. when i got up i looked for some "bp buddies", BB forum, my husband, Dad and my neighbour, and i explained to them that i have bipolar. After all these years I need support and cannot keep it to myself any more.

You've come to the right place on BB there's lots of understanding members who are in the same place as us.

You're welcome to call into our "cafe". just google "bb cafe" and scroll down where bb cafe appears for a chat and coffee.

Cheers

meercat xx

[meercat]

Hello MacLog. How r u today?

I see the sunshine. I hear the birds too out the back and i worry where they will go when the bulldozers come back to destroy their habitat.

Don't you hate these probs we can do nothing about? Sometimes all i can do is dive into my den and hide until the bp fairy taps me on the shoulder and i get back to life. Then i have to catch up and put the pieces back together.

Other times im happy and all is ok!

Im not going to tell you my life story only that having survived bp since 21..im 64 now.

Maybe iv been wandering around the "forest" as well.

You might like to look at the BB Forum"your bipolar life thread" if ur curious about my short journey with BB. There people there who have lived with bp who'd like to share.

meercat xx