Finally decided to sign up.

[Oblivion]

Hi, I've been meaning to sign up for a while but have kept putting it off. I don't really know what to write here as I honestly don't know where to start. I'm 37 years old and feel like I'm frozen. I feel like I need a ton of help but don't know where to get it from. Psychologists are just a waste of time as they end up leaving when ever they like, they are clock watchers, or just tell me things I already know and just make me feel worse. I wake up, eat, browse my phone and then wait for the sun to go down so I can go to bed, wake up and do it all over again. I'm frustrated, angry and just feel hate towards everything. Nothing feels real and sometimes I think people aren't even real. I've been to a few job networks but they are all rubbish. Ill be browsing job sites and after a while, I just feel like im dead because I have no experience in anything and I cant apply to any of them. I'm sick of not having a job, staying at home all the time, pushing friends away and feeling so disconnected with the world. I apologize for my very confusing post.

[JessF]

Hello Oblivion, no need to apologise at all. You sound very stuck at the moment, and understandably frustrated and angry about it all. It must be very overwhelming to feel that you need a lot of help, when something feels that big, you can't get your arms around it which makes it worse too.

I've found that working my way out of the big black hole has started with the smaller steps, and breaking things down as much as I can, accepting that I won't be able to fix everything at once, but if I move forward a little each day, it will add up.

You've mentioned being unemployed, spending a lot of time at home and not going out, and pushing your friends away.

The job situation sounds like it will be the biggest one to work through, with a lot of smaller steps required. Let's put that aside for now.

But what about this business of pushing your friends away? How would you feel about setting some time aside each day to stay in touch with your friends, even if it's just over text?

[Oblivion]

Well, I don't have friends anymore. I used to, but I just don't know how to keep them. The first time I made any friends as an adult was in 2015. A lot happened in 2015 but I don't feel comfortable talking about it on a public forum.

I don't even know how to take small steps. Sometimes I'm afraid to get out of bed because I know I'm not going to do anything productive or I will fail at what ever I try to do, and it will upset me to the point I get really frustrated and I just feel like doing something bad to my self.

Thanks for the reply.

[JessF]

Hello Oblivion, I hope you're still here reading, it's been a few days since your post and I have only just seen your latest reply now.

The hardest thing about the small steps are learning to ignore those little voices in your head that tell you things like "I'm not going to do anything productive" or "I will fail", otherwise yes you can end up in a negative loop that makes you feel worse.

Trying to distance yourself from those thoughts can be a good start, recognising that they are just thoughts, just words. Imagining them as someting silly or trivial, like for example, the two old men in the Muppet Show who used to shout things at the stage, can sometimes be enough of a circuit breaker to help you take those automatic negative thoughts less seriously. Find something that works for you, and try to catch those thoughts when they come up and 'recast' them.

It's tough work trying to take back control of your brain when you've been in the pit for so long.