What stops you from joining in on the forum?

[Quercus]

Hello everyone,

I keep seeing something that makes me wonder...

70% of BB members are silent readers.

Am I the only one who finds that really sad?

I was one of the 70% once.

Sadly enough it was when I was at my very worst.

I really needed help and guidance and advice. To be told I'm not imagining things or overreacting. To be listened to.

But to me actually posting was beyond me until I had started medication and therapy.

It makes me feel sad to think that although I feel well enough to write now there are probably people reading this who are where I was a year and a half ago.

So I was hoping to find out more about why we feel unable to reach out.

Maybe if we can all share our stories it might make others see that posting is not really as scary as it seems when you are not feeling very good.

On that note...

What stopped you from posting?

[blondguy]

Hi Quercus

You have brought up a good point. As you mentioned the bulk of the people find peace by reading our experiences with mental health who decide not to post. I have many people I know that find so much comfort in choosing to only read the forums and have no interest in posting

Just my humble opinion....but to me its not sad at all. Its a wonderful resource for so many to benefit from.

Its really a matter of choice for the readers I guess...not an inability to reach out....

I understand where you are coming from though Quercus 🙂

My Kindest

Paul

[geoff]

hi Quercus, I have to agree with Paul many people maybe too afraid to post a comment until they have read other posts and familiarise themselves with how the forum actually works.

It's no different than being in a classroom where the lecturer asks if anybody wants to ask a question, you certainly do but are too afraid of what other people think of you, so in the end you don't.

I know what you are saying but there are a large majority who only want to read to make sure they feel comfortable, and we have had posters who have said that they have been on the site for a long time but decided to post their first comment. Geoff.

[White_Rose]

It's a tricky situation.

First of all, readers need to believe their anonymity is secure. Difficult to ensure the person knows they are safe. However, for those who think about starting the process, it is clear from the form that they do not need to provide much identifying personal information. As I have said before, I could be your next door neighbour and neither of us would know.

There is a huge fear of telling a personal story. Those who only read will learn there are probably more difficult or tricky situations than their's being posted here. But to unburden themselves, especially if they have not told anyone else, can be confronting. I know that my problems can assume huge proportions when all I do is think about them. There is a huge difference between thinking over our lives and actually writing it down. I often suggest posters to keep a journal of some sort and many find it empowering.

Shame also plays a large part. Being depressed for example, is not something we choose. Let's face it, who would. Community attitudes towards mental illness are starting to change but there are many who condemn anyone in this situation. We know we are different. There is no shame, no blame, no derogatory statements, simply a welcoming community. We support those who write in, we walk with them, we encourage them to get the appropriate help. In short we do everything we can to help.

As Geoff has said, there are many people who do pluck up the courage to post after they have roamed the forum for a while. Also many who find help and inspiration simply by reading.

I think we share so many parts of our lives on this forum I think it would provide reassurance to anyone reading. But Nat you have put your finger on the main difficulty. We can be overwhelmed by our various illnesses and cannot talk about it. Reading is the best some people can manage, at least for a while.

To anyone reading this thread, please consider posting here if you have a problem. I promise we don't bite.

Mary

[Birdy77]

Hi Nat, Paul, Geoff, Mary

I don't think it's sad that many people just read and don't post.

Reading and following other's conversations and journeys can be really comforting in my opinion and sometimes that's all we can manage.

It's like receiving the care and support vicariously through others postings, and if that's all we can manage, it's still a great, supportive resource.

🌻birdy

[Quercus]

Hi Paul and Geoff and Mary and Birdy and everyone else reading,

Facinating replies. Thank you all.This from you Paul made me think...

Its really a matter of choice for the readers I guess...not an inability to reach out....

Yes. I agree with this. I suppose what I was trying to get at is how many readers are making a voluntary choice to read only and how many want to post but for whatever reason can't?

What I find sad (which I didn't explain well) was those people (like I was) who want and need help and for some reason are unable to reach out.

I want to discuss this if that's ok because I understand it from both sides and a year and a half later I see the benefit of finally taking the chance to ask for help.

For me there were a few main concerns...

• Worrying I was wasting people's time. That I was a waste of time.
• Scared that I would either get no response or be judged as weak or weird.
• Concerns about my privacy and the idea that people would recognise and humiliate me.
• Reading other stories I felt like my story was nothing in comparison and I should have been able to get myself in order.

What do you think? I would love to know.

Nat

[Birdy77]

Hi Nat,

Each of your points ring true, despite what i said earlier!

I still feel a bit guarded about privacy. I feel what if i reveal too many details (even "insignificant: details like my hobbies or pets or interests) in case someone here does know me and pieces it together.

Every point you made is somethibg i have felt though, for sure.

🌻birdy

[Guest8901]

Hi Quercus,

For me, each of those four dot points you just mentioned were very high on my list of concerns when considering first posting on BB. I joined a month or so prior to my first post, and I spent most of that time wrestling with those points. Whilst doing so, I read a lot and learned from others.

I agree with other comments here that much can be gained by just reading relevant threads that interest you. Learning from others experiences can be quite a powerful ally.

Yes Birdy, same as you, I remain cautious of saying something which may result in identifying me to someone in my real life. I'm from a rural community and conscious of giving away what may seem innocuous to someone in a city, but not so in a small village where most people know each other.

Amanda

[Chris_B]

Hi everyone, including any new members reading, and thanks to Quercus for starting this thread.

From a data perspective, we do have a little bit of information on this question from our three waves of user research conducted in 2015, 2016 and 2017. Some of you reading may have completed one or more of these surveys, which over three years reached 3,385 registered forum users.

Here's some relevant bits of info:

* One of the questions asked respondents to rank three activities on the forums - (1) reading only, (2) replying to a thread, (3) starting a thread. In 2015, the majority of people ranked reading first (80%), but we saw a substantial shift over the next two years towards active participation - in 2017, only 68% of people ranked reading first.

* Despite the trend, you can see that most forum users do still prefer to read rather than contribute. In another question, when asking respondents to rank the most useful aspects of the forum, across 3 years respondents saw the forums as most useful for informing first - (factual information about depression/anxiety, tips/advice about how others have coped with certain situations), followed by connecting (ability to communicate with others who know what I'm going through).

* A minority of members report feelings that may prevent them from actively participating:
- 26% agreed/completely agreed with the statement "I have experienced a sense of anxiety when thinking about responding to posts"
- 18% agreed/completely agreed with the statement "Forums create a fear of being judged"
- 16% agreed/completely agreed with the statement "Forums have caused me to feel more depressed/anxious by reading about the situations of others"

(Note: the 'negative' figures above are from the 2017 survey, these figures were higher in 2015 which suggests the anxiety among members in these areas is decreasing)

* The majority of respondents reported that their last visit to the forums made them feel less depressed (54%) or less anxious (56%). A minority felt more depressed (6%) or more anxious (5%). These figures did not significantly change depending on level of active participation.

I think these figures back up many of the points made above. We shouldn't discount the value of the forums as a read-only resource, but we should continue to be mindful of what we can do to encourage those who wish to participate but don't yet feel ready to.

[Birdy77]

Hi again all (added wave to Amanda and thanks Chris for that interesting data),

Just thought of another reason.

I just posted on another thread and I'm feeling anxious because i posted something I'm now thinking was very naïve and wish i could retract it! It made sense in my head, now i wish i hadn't posted it 😔 and worried about the comments that might follow.

So a reason for not posting might be not feeling able to express exactly what we want to say, feeling others will read it and interpret it differently to how we intended.

😨birdy