Feeling my sons pain

[How_to_guide_my_adult_son]

I am new here but just need to reach out to anyone in a similar situation or gain some helpful coping advice. My adult son suffers from anxiety and depression and i have ridden the highs and lows for years, the lows being keeping him safe from suicide constantly and watching him almost waste away in sadness and the highs seeing an amazing young man with his life together so proud to call my son. For the last 18 months he had been well mostly due to finding the correct meds, no drugs and minimal alcohol and trying to live healthily, however in the last 3 months or so hes slipping, now smoking pot regularly which he flat out denies is an issue, no other drugs, and has just gone on a drinking bender on his own resulting in damage to his property and police attendance resulting in a charge for drug possession. Myself and his father and sister just cleaned up the house with broken windows, smashed doors but more importantly a son who has gone back to square one. Im so upset i feel ill myself, i dont know what to do or say from here, i think he just thinks its the alcohol but its so much more. How do i convince him to get help and peel back the layers. Im so scared of future possibly worse outcomes and most of all harm to him after so many years. Im exhausted and i can barely sleep. Im also scared of saying the wrong thing. We are very close, too close. Sometimes i wish i was the one with the issues, not him as then i would have some control.

[ecomama]

Welcome to the forums. I'm so sorry for the reasons that brought you here, big hugs.
I'm sorry, I don't know what name to refer to you by. You don't have to give a name.

I'm so sorry for the pain you're experiencing with your son's behaviours, addictions & refusal to seek help for himself. It must be so sad & hard for you to see your boy do this to himself with no regard for his own health & safety. Or the safety of your family.

The destruction of your property as well.

Does your son live with you?

If I were you I would phone the following people: then see what feels 'right' - I know nothing actually feels right, so I do not want to appear condescending or anything like that, this is an exceptional situation for you, which needs exceptional actions for you.
* Beyond Blue Helpline
* Police Social Worker
* Victim's Services
* GP - to seek a Mental Health Care Plan for yourself and your H and your daughter if they want counselling.

You can ask the BB Helpline & Police Social Worker "How can I help my son?" a pad & paper may help.
You can ask for help for you & your remaining family members.

You could ask VSs "How I can get help to cope with my son?"

You can explain to your GP this untenable situation & ask for MHCP to see a Counsellor who has experience with families of addicts & offenders.

My heart breaks for you, it really does. Please use this forum & begin as many threads as you feel you need. This one is a great start.

I need to disclose now that my children & myself are victims of violent offenders who's addictions & behaviours have caused immeasurable damage, we are now 'safe' from these 2 people & their families, we hope.
YOU are a victim too.

But what I do know about the offenders families in our cases is that they never allowed their sons to feel the consequences of their decisions & actions.
They made excuses, blamed others, not their sons. Never their sons. They lied to Police, any authorities & Courts on behalf of their sons.

I take the complete opposite stance with my own many children, half of them are adults already.
I have always made them feel the depth of the consequences of their decisions and actions.
I have always made them do full restitution for all damage. In FULL.
I deliver an ultimatum. Behave or leave.

The responsibility lies with your son. IMHO he needs to feel the full brunt of his actions. If he doesn't seek the help he so needs, then your responsibility lies with protecting your family.

EM