Feeling down

[Aussie89]

Hi,

Im unsure how to start this but I would really appreciate help.

I found out last year that I can’t have children and I’m struggling to deal with it. I wasn’t trying to conceive and I didn’t have a partner it was just found out of the blue. Since finding out I’ve struggled with anxiety, depression and fatigue. I tried anti depressants for 6 months but I felt worse on them and felt they made my moods more up and down.

I’ve gone to a councillor too and she helped a bit but i just ended up being dishonest with her about how I was feeling because I was ashamed.

I’ve been to two doctors about it and tried to explain how I was feeling but I’ve had no luck, they tell me I’m overreacting and I’ll be fine if I keep going with my anti depressants. I don’t want to burden my family or friends with this either.

I just feel so lonely and down and I don’t know what to do or who to turn to.

[Birdy77]

Dear Aussie89,

I'm sorry to hear about you not being able to have children.

Welcome to the forums Aussie, we're all here together trying to muddle through as best we can and support each other, you've come to a good place.

I don't have children, and have decided not to bring children into the world, so I can't exactly put myself in your shoes.

A friend of mine found out in her 30s that she couldn't bear children and ended up having to have a hysterectomy due to a tumour, and she went through a massive grieving process, even though, before she heard the news, she thought she didn't want children.

In our minds, as women, in some ways maybe it's just a given, that we can conceive if we want to? And if we find out we can't... it's hard .. and I think it deserves a grieving process.

There are other avenues of course, parenthood isn't out if the question, but I do understand it's different.

You're not on your own Aussie89, keep talking here if you like, we're listening.

🌻birdy

[smallwolf]

Aussie89,

Hi. Welcome to beyond blue. I hope that you find this a safe place to post. You will also receive the support from other users on the forum.

On anti depressants... I switched from one lot to another quite recently. The reason was the side effects from the first lot. My psychiatrist made 2 suggestions to try, and then I picked one of those. If the medication you are taking is "not working" this is something you might like to consider talking to your GP about.

Sorry to read that you were dishonest and ashamed when talking to your counselor. You are not the first or last person to do this. Also, (exceptions aside,) all information that you disclose in your session with a psychologist is confidential - as far as I was told.

Have you done the K10 test on the beyond blue web site? If you do this test and the recommends you see a GP, you might like to take the test results with you.

You also said that you don't want to talk to your family or friends about this. Is there anyone that you could talk to about what you are feeling? If you went to a psychologist for help would you then be able to talk to your family to let them know? It helps if/when you need a (small) group of support people to talk to when you are feeling down.

Of course you could try to "fix" yourself. If you wanted to try this first, and if it did not work then you could revisit the idea of getting professional help. Regardless of the what you decide to, there are a number of threads on the forum which you might find useful. These include...

Grounding yourself, What is it and how do you? - Beyondblue

Relaxation exercises - Beyondblue

Mindfulness: What Is It? (Even if you dont know please ... - Beyondblue

You should be able to find the above above pages using google search. If you have any questions or want to chat more please let me know.

With peace and comforting thoughts,

Tim