Feeling a bit unmotivated, depressed and still full of Christmas turkey

[Mandy123]

Hi there!

I am trying motivated to do some of an online course, which needs urgent attention and really I can't afford to put it off any longer than I have been doing. The weather is not helping today as it is thundering and raining. Usually I would go for a walk and this would improve my mood vastly (walking off the Christmas turkey), but I am stuck in the house with my dog who is suffering from separation anxiety. I have schizophrenia and various forms of tardive dyskinesia. I am tired of having this illness. I first got this illness when I was 19 and now I am 38. I had an aunt also with this illness and she killed herself at 36 years of age. I remember my mum's reaction to hearing about her death when I was a teenager and it was just terrible. I just wish sometimes I had a bit more luck, but I do know of others who have it much worse. I do however have a wonderful supportive family and friends, but there is always a bit more baggage to carry around with this illness and that little bird that wanted so much just so much to be totally free, was limited somewhat and sometimes she feels very sad about that.

[blondguy]

Hello Mandy

Welcome to the forums and good on you for having the strength to post, Nice1 🙂

The forums are a safe place where you can say whats on your mind as they are rock solid secure for your benefit!

First things first,....If I had an online course to do, I couldnt do it...not in this wet humid weather where I live in southern vic....my PC is melting! I hope you have some air-conditioning to help your comfort levels

You are a strong and well articulated person who is going through a dark phase especially with Schizophrenia. My big brother was diagnosed with this awful illness at 18 and committed suicide at 22 in 1982.

I am sad about your Aunt Mandy....and she was only 36.....(there are no words sometimes)

You should be very proud of yourself to have supportive family & friends...excellent to see that you have...

I cant even begin to imagine what you are going through. There would be a lot more baggage to carry around with your illness....that I do understand after studying what my big brother went through.

That little bird you mentioned is still there but the chemical imbalance wont help her take flight...that would be sad Mandy

I have had acute anxiety since I was 23 and then depression since 1996. My knowledge on Schizophrenia is basic but better than average. If its okay to ask what tardive dyskinesia is it would help educate me a lot

I have been involved in K9 rescue for years and have a Chow Chow x German Shepherd right now that used to have separation anxiety. Its gone now..Please excuse all the questions :-), How long have you had your dog companion for and what breed is she/he?

There are many very kind people on the forums that suffer from various levels and types of illness Mandy. I really hope you can stick around. You are more welcome to post as many times as you wish, even if you just want to have a chat or vent.....

my kindest thoughts for you Mandy123

Paulx

[Mandy123]

Thanks Paul, it is great to know that people do care and want to help. It makes all the difference. It also cheered me up and now I feel more motivated to get back into doing some heavy studying. Tardive dyskinesia is a form of slow movement or brain retardation (your can look it up on the web). It is generally irreversible. I also had dystonia too, which also involved my eyes to not be able to focus properly and this interfered with work and study. I had to give up driving. It was like having an eyelash in your eye for about an hour everyday, so it was extremely frustrating. Sometimes the medication was able to help with this, but not always. I think at this stage I am having an early mid-life crisis too, because I went to see a career counselor in the city and he said lots of people my age were feeling like this, so this made me laugh. I also told him that I felt like I was a little ant trying to make sense of the big world, with so much going on. Sometimes I need things just to slow down, just so much stimuli in the environment my brain finds it hard to process. It is easier for people without this illness to process their environment and the stress elements. I guess my first episode of schizophrenia was like having a traumatic life event, such as being raped or being a victim of a terrorist attack or perhaps being in a war-torn country. Then after being told you have this illness you sometimes don't know which is worse, because you don't want to be confined to having to take medication for the rest of your life and attending doctors appointments and it is just such a shock you just don't want to fathom it. My dog too, suffers from separation anxiety so she fits in perfectly with our family and now she has attitude, escaping from the backyard when we are out! We were issued with a large fine from our city council saying that she was not registered, but she has been registered in our old council as we have moved. We just had not had the time to do it here. Anyway, I am feeling better. From the girl with the eyelash in her eye.