Everything is just too much

Samanthaaa · ‎15-05-2017

I don't even know where to start , my life seems to be one big mess nothing but bad happens never any good. I'm always upset or crying I get angry and annoyed easily ! I was in a domestic relationship for 7yrs he abused me controlled me and we had 2 children together. I was scared to go outside I wa scared of people I was scared of love because the love I was shown was hurtful and nasty. I left my children's father after 7 long years . 2 years later I still get harassed by his family members ( I stopped my children from any contact with them as they are all drug users/dealers) I found a new boyfriend it took me almost a year to actually get him to want to be in a relationship with me. He was completely different he was so nice so protective so caring so loving he made me happy again made me feel good about leaving the house . Then I pushed him away because of all the things that happened to me in past relationship I was so scared and paranoid of it happening again that I was accusing him of talking to other females , I'd start petty arguments because I was paranoid or scared of him just leaving me in general I hated when he left me I always wanted to be around him as he made me so happy . Instead I pushed him away and I'm trying to deal with the fact that my problems have ruined the relationship I wanted so badly with the person whom I loved and still love as this only happened two weeks ago . I'm at the point where I'm unsure of what to do with myself . I work night shift so it's easier to look after my children but all I do is think about being at home where he would have been . I don't really know how to deal with a breakup as it was so easy to leave my kids father after all the things he had done to me . Anyway then there is my children who I completely love and adore more then anything and if it wasn't for them I'm pretty sure I would be dead by now they are the ones that keep me here they keep me sane . But they also drive me insane I try my best for my kids and I try not to be angry or stressed towards them but the way they behave and don't listen to a word I say really annoys me and gets me to the point where I get really upset and bust out into tears because they simply don't listen they will argue and fight constantly I know this is normal but I feel my kids are overboard ! Then when it comes to going out they just don't listen they don't behave and I can't smack them as I don't like hurting them . At bed time it takes them3 hours to get to sleep

Nervybella · ‎16-05-2017

Hey Samantha,

Sorry to hear you're going through such a rough patch. Sounds like you've got a lot on your plate.

Have you ever spoken to a doctor or counsellor about how you're feeling? Having a good GP that you can talk to is a good starting point. Also talking to family and friends that will support you is important.

I don't necessarily have any advice for you, as I have never been in a situation like yours. All I can say is that everyone on these forums are happy to listen when you need to vent, and provide support 🙂

Bella

geoff · ‎16-05-2017

dear Smanthaaa, an r/ship you never expected that any of this would ever happen, and I'm sure you can't understand why the sudden change of brutality, whether physical and/or emotional.
This nasty r/ship has made you fearful of being together with another person, possibly suffering from PTSD, although I can't diagnose you, that's up to your doctor, who I suggest you book an appointment and then a referral to a psychologist, because if this isn't talked about, then it's going to persist and continue making your life to be a misery, I don't want that to happen to you.
You know there has been so much uncertainity built from your past r/ship, plus you don't have any trust issues, as it seems to go from forming another r/ship down to trusting your kids, even though love is there, it's been overtaken by not believing that anybody can help you, it's all wrapped up together, so there is so much you have to try and conquer, but you can't do any of this by yourself, it's impossible, as you have just found out with this new chap.
Please book yourself in to see your doctor a.s.a.p, and please let us know, that's also very important for you to feel that we haven't dropped you, we want to help you, however it must go both ways where you believe that our trust is valuable. Geoff.