Down the Rabbit Hole...Again....
I suffer from severe anxiety and depression and health anxiety. Over the last three months I have been sure I have had some awful condition due to multiple symptoms. Initially started as chest pain. Had xray which was clear. Then the pain began in my neck and throat. I have seen two doctors WEEKLY since October and they have checked me thoroughly and stated my throat is fine and there are no swollen lymph nodes. I have had a full blood count which came back unremarkable. I am just back from yet another embarrassing doctors visit whereby I again burst into tears and stated that I feel bad as I can't believe they are correct as the symptoms are crucifying. Today my GP actually wrote a letter to me to read when I freak out...stating that he has seen me weekly for five weeks and checked everything and in his opinion there is nothing physically wrong but that I am suffering major anxiety. He has prescribed some medication for me.
I am in such a state. I barely sleep and I feel almost dissociated from life as every waking second is concerned with the multiple awful feelings I have...which are relentless! Pain in upper back, neck, ear, throat, behind ear, around eye socket....I have been 'diagnosed' in the past with Glossopharyngeal Neuralgia; Temperomandibular Joint Dysfunction and now to add to the list...Sternocleidomastoid Syndrome! I believe all the doctors are thoroughly sick to death of me and I don't blame them; I am sick to death of me too. I spend all day stretching, taking remedy rescue and covering myself in tiger balm and lavender oil...drinking gallons of water to try to quell the dry mouth and throat...googling remedies for all of my supposed conditions.....I am at my wit's end. If anyone can help me I will be very grateful.
I took my dog back to the vet today. She had numerous tests on Wednesday; she did have a uti and some arthritis in her hind legs. She has been on meds since then and no improvement. Today they kept her and did an ultrasound of her abdomen. Nothing showed up. They now think she has a brain tumour. I am so upset and don't know what to do. The MRI to prove this will cost $5000. Which I would pay if I knew she could be saved? But what will she go through? Where will it all end? At this stage we are keeping her on pain medication. She is not right by any means.
With this latest issue I truly feel done. Nothing ever goes right. I have had the most horrible time with my son, issues with money, issues with health..snake in my loungeroom; mammogram recall. I truly feel I have been cursed.
I know deep down my beloved doggy is not here for much longer. I told my son that I will go back to work once she has gone. I told him he has to manage himself and school etc (he is 17). Because I simply cannot go on looking after everyone and everything and having not one person do a thing for me.
I woke him early today as I truly thought I would be having dear doggy put to sleep. I wanted him to come to the vet with me. He said he was too tired. He games all night and sleeps all day. Does nothing around the house....just makes mess and expects money and food all the time. I am done with being a parent. His useless father has made it untenable for him to go there (he got off scott free) so I am stuck. As I am typing I can hear my son in his gaming room having a great old time. No respect for me or the poor dog. I am getting really angry about everything! I truly don't see a future!!!!
Thank you for letting the community know how you are and for keeping us updated on the situation with your dog. We are so sorry to hear that this is all happening at once and it must be quite difficult for you. It can be very overwhelming when several things seem to be going wrong.
We are concerned for you and have sent you a private message. We want you to know we're here to provide you with as much support, advice and conversation as you need.
We hope you know that there is always help available to you, whether it's from our professional mental health counsellors Beyond Blue (available 24/7/365 on 1300 22 4636) or our friends at Lifeline (13 11 14) or the Suicide Call Back Service (1300 659 467).
If at any point you become an immediate danger to yourself, this is an emergency and you should contact 000 (triple zero).
Please check-in and let us know how you are whenever you feel up to it.
So my poor dog is failing still. The vet keeps saying she will be ok on the medication? She is stumbling around; falling over; barely drinking water? I think the vet just sees $!!
I know the writing is on the wall. My dear, sweet, darling doggy who I rescued from a hovel is now dying. I will not let her suffer all of these horrid tests and indignities! If she can't even go for a walk without falling over what is the point??
I am totally disillusioned. Vets are supposed to care. Not just pump one for money; when it is apparent to blind freddy that the animal is suffering. My friend is a critical care nurse and she was horrified when she saw my doggy today. She too couldn't understand how the vet's keep saying she is ok; she can survive this on heavy medication; she needs an MRI etc etc. I feel the same about everyone. Everyone is just out for money or kudos. Nobody truly cares. And I actually do! I do so many nice things for people everyday! Help out old people, say a kind word to people...yet people continually disappoint.
On that note I believe my best friend will be going to heaven in the next week. I am so gutted I can't even describe. She is so strong and stoic. Wants to go for her walks; but falls down and I cry and try to get her up....night time is terrible as I never know if she is going to be alive or not in the morning...in fact she woke me at 2am panting (pain) so I gave her the strong painkiller...she is now panting again (13.5 hours later)...I am trying to hold off the gabepentin as if I give her one now she will only last until 4 am...this is just rubbish.
Please if anyone can help in any way. I don't even know what I want to hear to be honest? I guess I am pretty convinced I have to do the deed this week and it is breaking my heart. But seeing my sweet doggy like this is far worse.
Thanks for reading.