Dont know what to do.

[Matt2142]

Hi all.

I'm a 26yr male and I'm in a relationship with a 22yr who has been recently told she has depression by a councillor. I will try give a bit of a back story to how she is. We have been together for 3 years and only in the last year, she has been feeling a bit down and stressed which we both put it down to her finals at Tafe and some issues at work. We both thought she would start feeling better after but I feel like it just opened the door for her depression. I'm being really supportive to her giving her any space she wants even if it makes me feel horrible, talking to her when ever she needs, she always says its not me that makes her feel this way. I purposely don't show her I'm angry with her even when I am just to protect her as I feel it wont help. Ill drop everything to help her in anyway I can because I love her a lot and want her to feel better. She had recently told me that she feels trapped living with me and has moved out as she thinks she needs her own place to sort her self out. I didn't like the idea and tried to change her mind as nicely as I could but she still moved out, and I've come to accept it, as hard as it is. She still comes by and stays over sometimes, but she has begun to drink may too much, which I tried to explain will not help. She has also starting going out when we've made plans, just to go drinking with some of her new friends that aren't helping at all, and wont reply to any massages or calls, I pretty much don't know if she's ok or not and I get really worried for her, usually this only happens over one night and Ill see her the next day and well talk about it. At the time of typing this I've had little contact with her I haven't seen her or had a talk with her since Friday morning its Saturday afternoon now. The one message she has replied to said she will see me tonight but I'm really dought full as she's been drinking. I'm at a lose at what to do, I don't know how much of this I can take as I have started to feel depressed myself. I love her so much and I don't wont to end things but it feels like where its heading. I'm not sure if its her depression that's making her be like this all a sudden but I need advice on what to do.

[geoff]

hi Matt, welcome to the site and sorry that this is happening with your relationship, however couples may break up and one move out only because the person who is suffering feels as though they don't want to interference the other person, this doesn't mean they don't love you, they only need time to seek professional help.

Someone with depression of any type doesn't like to be asked too many questions simply because they don't have an answer.

What worries me is that she seems to be self medicating with alcohol, which is something I did for years, and in hindsight didn't work, all it does is prolong your illness.

As you are starting to feel depressed you need to go and book an appointment with your doctor, because you need to get your strength.

With your g/friend sms her telling her you that you love her and will be there for her whenever she wants you, and there will be times when she needs to talk with you, let her say what she wants to, that's important and keep your questions brief because too many then she will close up.

Please get back to us whenever you want to. Geoff.

[Just Sara]

Hi and welcome to our caring community Matt;

First off, depression should only be diagnosed by a psychiatrist or GP. A counsellor doesn't have the qualifications or legal right to make a diagnosis.

There's also a difference between depression and feeling loss, disappointment or helplessness. These are normal responses to pressure and challenges we all face during our lifetime.

I don't mean it doesn't hurt because breakup's can be dreadfully painful. What I'm saying, is that true depression is a clinical mental health issue with devastating symptoms that are far from normal.

I'm very sorry you're in this situation; it seems your ex gf has been leading you on?Maybe a visit with your GP, then talking with a psychologist might be better than trying to deal with it on your own. Do you have family or friends you can turn to? I hope so. It's good to have support in your corner.

If you want real time support, consultants on Lifeline 131114 or BeyondBlue helplines 1300224636 can be an oasis in the desert when nobody else is around.

Please stay in touch as writing has a way of purging negative thoughts from our stressed bodies and minds. It really works..

Take care until next time;

Sez