Confused

[needhelp123]

Recently, I have noticed that I am not myself. I was diagnosed with Generalized Anxiety Disorder around 10 years ago and been on medication for 5. But this is different to what I usually feel which is what scares me the most. I have had chronic pain for the past 5 months and believe that this may have taken a toll on my mental state.

I have so many things to be happy about, I have a loving partner, we have just purchased our own home, we get married this year and have started discussions on having children after the wedding. I have a great supportive job which I love and offers me stability. My family is great and in general I know that I have all the things I need to be happy. But something is not right.

I feel like my mind is fighting itself. I want to be happy but I just cant be. I get suicidal thoughts but I know I wont go through with it. The fact that I have them is what is scaring me the most. I could be driving and just automatically think about driving into a tree, or throwing myself in front of a car. Then I just shake those feelings away but I dont get to the root of why I am feeling like this.

I have tried many psychologists and dont feel like I get what I need from them. Because in reality I have such a positive life and I feel positive most of the time. But I get into these moments a lot and its just scary.

I dont know what to do to stop my brain from doing this. I dont know how to express how I feel to people because they cant understand why I would feel like this.

Im just really lost and confused at the moment.

[Soberlicious96]

Dear needhelp,

Welcome to Beyond Blue and well done for reaching out.

I would like to recommend, quite strongly, that if You have not recently spoken to your doctor about how you have been feeling, that you do so as soon as is possible.

You said that "diagnosed ..... around 10 years ago and been on medication for 5" so I'm wondering if maybe perhaps your body and mind have become a bit to accustomed to your current medication, and is therefore no longer working as it did before? Or maybe just the dosage amount needs a review?

I don't know, as I'm not a professional at all. But I do know that our minds and bodies change as we grow and sometimes what worked 5 years ago, may not work the same way now.

Anyway, just my thoughts on the topic. You can take or leave whatever I say. But please remember that Beyond Blue is here for you for as much as you like.

I do hope you can get to the bottom of this issue, and in the meantime, please know that I will be thinking of you. Take care. xo

[mocha delight]

Hi needhelp123 first I’d like to say you came to the right place as the people are excellent (I’ve only been on here a few days myself) and second I think you need one of these 🤗 and most importantly just know we got your back ok and I hope you sort it out + feel better soon 😊

[needhelp123]

Thank you both. From what I have seen this is a great online community so I can see that I am in the right place.

I'm wondering if maybe perhaps your body and mind have become a bit to accustomed to your current medication, and is therefore no longer working as it did before? Or maybe just the dosage amount needs a review?

- I think that is a great idea and something that I will certainly look into. I am worried that they may want to try me on something else (there has been discussions about this before) and I'm scared. I just don't want to have the feeling of coming down off medication and then re balancing. When I first went on the medication, it drove me insane- literally- until it balanced out. That has made me weary of making any changes. But at the same time, I want to feel better, and I will try anything right now.

I just don't want to feel like this so I really appreciate you both taking the time out of your day to help a struggling stranger.

[Soberlicious96]

Dear Needhelp,

I hear you about the adjustment period; I too have an 'adjustment period' of sorts, but for me it's when I'm coming OFF a certain medication. I am an asthmatic and sometimes when I have flare ups, I have to take a fairly strong medication that when I come off it, it has a side effect of depression. Unfortunately for a long time, I was unaware of the residual side effect and did not cope nearly as well as I do nowadays, that I am informed about it, and can prepare a bit better for what I know is coming.

As you said though, you will "try anything right now" and I think that is a great attitude to have! To be willing to try whatever it takes to be well again, takes courage and determination, and you have demonstrated that here, in your post.

As for helping a 'struggling stranger' ..... well, that's exactly what we are here for! Take care. Hope you feel better soon. xo

[hob2]

"all the things I need to be happy..." is a great plus

when u need to find this "not right" thing buggin U