Last year I completely “lost it” and was in a mental health unit for 3 months. I have since been diagnosed with severe depressive disorder, p.t.s.d & borderline personality disorder, the mental health team I see, & my psychiatrist keep saying it’s a “working diagnosis” The amount and dosage of medication is very high. I can guarantee that I need these, as I mistakenly missed two lots of morning medication, as I slept til 10/11 in the morning. My mood and thoughts were pretty messed up & to the point of becoming dangerous, I didn’t realise I missed my morning medication, until it was time for my night medication(I have Webster packs). Now I’m so paranoid, about mucking up my medication. & over the past 2-3 months I have found my self getting back into the attitude of “ i’ll Be right” etc. & when people in general, doctors etc. ask me how I’m going....I’ve gone back to saying, I’m o.k and everything is all good, when in fact I’m the opposite.
before i was put in hospital last year. I had “faked it” my whole life by being the funny, smart A. Type of person, and always made people laugh and feel happy.
I haven’t laughed properly, or smiled in the past year, and now , I have no idea what to do...with everything, in all parts of life. And don’t know how to get myself out of telling people I’m ok & everything’s all good...when I’m NOT ok & everything IS NOT all good.
