Anhodenia

[Sietske]

I was diagnosed with severe depression in 2001 but believed I was only moderately depressed. In fact, as the years rolled by I felt I was suppressed rather than depressed. I then learned about anhodenia and believe that it fits the bill perfectly. Before I heard about it, I knew I had no positive feelings. Plenty of negative feelings but no happiness, joy, excitement, pleasure, fun, love, etc etc. The one negative feeling missing is grief. I guess one has to feel love to feel grief but the lack of grief still baffles me. Luckily, I have two reasons to get up every morning. Maggie and Mollie are my two West Highland White Terrier dogs. One positive feeling [or experience] that goes up and down is motivation. When it is up I manage to do tasks over and above what is necessary to just survive. My motivation is reasonable at present and I'm getting long overdue work done on my motor home in which the three of us live. Many say I am living the dream - on the road in a comfortable motorhome - and it could be true, but I sure wish I could get some joy out of it.

[Croix]

Dear Sietske~

Welcome here to the Support Forum. It was a good ide to write here as your life seems very flat and that state has been long term.

May I ask how much investigation has been done of your condition gatherer than you making assumptions? It is not always clear why people are as they are, however professionals normally have more chance of sorting it out. Trying to do it yourself sometime produces an insight a professional can use, sometimes though it is not the case.

Can I ask you if you have regular medical support? There may be a number of possibilities for that grey aspect of life and I was wondering if traveling in your motor home might make it difficult to get consistent and informed medical care.

Frankly you sound as I have felt when depression has taken hold, and long term depression might be considered.

In a way a motor home is curiously static, even with oyur two lovely companions the vehicle itself is reasonably confined and remains the same inside day after day, irrespective of what's outside. Maybe this lack of change is not helping.

From your post I suspect it is just you and the dogs, with no companion traveling with you. Dogs are terrific, but even wiht their love and antics one can become isolated.

Do you have anyone you can lean on, someone who you can see often and just listens and lends maybe a little perspective along with genuine care?

I hope to talk with you some more

Croix

[geoff]

Hello Sietske, and a warm welcome.

Your comment is sad, but some may feel this is the way to live, in a motor home travelling wherever you want and at your own pace, however, there is definitely an opposite feeling this may cause because if you have the 'inability to feel pleasure in normally pleasurable activities' as defined by anhedonia and been happening for a while, and then bottle all of it up and struggle, then it's only going to manifest itself and eventually cause concerns.

We don't necessarily have to 'feel love to feel grief' there are many other reasons why this may happen and this solely depends on the situation and circumstances you're in, never the less, lack of motivation when you're having difficulties coping with an issue and/or experiencing something that affects your self-confidence is when help is needed.

Maggie and Molly will always look at you with affection, they know exactly how you're feeling, show them your joy after you talk with someone.

Take care.

Geoff.