Always thinking about the worst scenarios

[Lauren_C]

Hi there,

I’ve just joined this chat thread because I felt I needed an outlet.

I’ve always felt I was a bit of an anxious person growing up, but it seemed to always be energy that I could use to be proactive and achieve things.

A couple of years ago, I had a great life - until all of a sudden my fiancé suffered a nervous break down and left me very suddenly. It was unfounded and I never received answers. I was in complete shock because of it, but managed to get myself back on my feet with a lot of therapy.

Immediately after that experience, I started rationalising that anything bad could happen (given I was so blind sighted to my fiancé leaving). For instance, I convinced myself that I could be terminally unwell.

I could easily recall on the emotion of ‘shock’ that I felt during this time - so I started attributing that feeling to ‘worse case scenarios’.

To summarise: The truth is, if there’s is any percentage (even 1% chance) of something bad happening... I envision it. And it’s like I try to mentally prepare myself for it to happen. To feel ‘more prepared’.

I am mentally axhausted and I just wish that I had more control over my mind.

[blondguy]

Hi Lauren C

Welcome and its great to have you here with everyone

We are happy to be here for you Lauren! I am sorry for what happened with your fiance.

I understand you as I have been an 'overthinker' for a long time since my relationship went 'South' a few years ago. Some psychologists may call it 'catastrophizing' as in the 'false anticipation' of something bad/unpleasant occurring

When we have a 'tired mind' we can easily overthink the chances of anything bad happening to us. I hear you

Can I ask if you had any warning or noticed any signs from your partner when he was ill?

Just a note Lauren....The forums are a Safe and Non judgemental place for you to post. Your well being and privacy is paramount here

I really hope you can post back when its convenient for you 🙂

you are not alone where having a 'tired or exhausted' mind is concerned

my kind thoughts for you

Paul

[Lauren_C]

Hi Paul,

Thanks for taking the time to reply. It’s nice to hear from those whom I can relate to. Yes, I’ve certainly turned into an over thinker (and I’ve heard the word catastrophising many times too).

In regards to my fiancé, I had all of the ‘right’ signs which made it all the worse. We planned a beautiful/unique wedding, we didn’t fight... we went on many great holidays, and he treated me with such softnes and kindness. But yes, he did become unwell and started receiving treatment for that just before he left me. He had a horrific decline.

Whilst I felt I did a lot of work to overcome that, with empathy for him & the ability to be kind throughout that (albeit very short and quick) breakup... I think it’s really impacted me subconsciously.

I kept working, but after progressing my career and finding myself in an unpleasant work environment - I took 2 months off work and travelled around the world. I went to so many amazing countries, but I had a looming sense of fear for a large portion of the time.

I catastrophise things going wrong with my life in my head constantly. I don’t verbalise it to those around me to the full extent because I know it’s not productive! Plus... no one would have the time to listen to that 24/7. On the outside I’m so positive and upbeat most of the time.

When things go right, I then fear something else to go wrong. To the point where I think about the worst case occurring, and then my life not be worth living... I’m starting to feel very unfulfilled.

[Chick_in_a_guernsey]

Hi Lauren,

I can certainly relate on a couple of points. More often than not, my mind conjures up negative thoughts of what could happen. Hardly a trip in the car goes by without my mind playing out in graphic detail a car in front suddenly changing lanes, someone failing to give way, running a stop sign, hitting a tree at speed, and the resulting consequences of such events. I don't know if I'm a good or bad front seat passenger because I guarantee I'll point out any possible (or less likely) risks and hazards. As for the tired mind, I just wish sometimes that there was a snooze button, just so I could take a break from my own tiring thoughts.

On a different topic, I have found support here on the forums when I really needed it, when I haven't had the strength to talk to people in real life. I wish you all the best on your journey and whilst I may not have a lot of insight to offer you, there are many very helpful and knowledgeable folk on here.

All the best.

[Lauren_C]

Hi Lauren, thank you for your reply too! Yes, I certainly understand that. I think it actually makes me a brilliant driver though - but certainly not the best passenger, unless of course there is a big gap between the cars. The thing that troubles me is, these thoughts aren’t exactly ‘irrational’ in the sense like, it’s not as if I’m imagining a unicorn will jump onto the road and cause a road accident... I too make forecasts about the possibilities (even these small ones).

So how do we stop our minds from constantly thinking about these slightly possible worst scenarios?

[Lauren_C]

Apologies *Chick in a guernsey! I thought I read above that your name was Lauren too 🤦🏽‍♀️ Hehe

[mr magoo]

Hi Lauren C

I am sorry to hear you are struggling with these issues.I have similar concerns.I worry about things that most of the time never happen.When good things happen or i get a compliment i downplay it. My emotions are controlled to stop me exploding (not always successfully) but most of the time.I think when i hold myself on such a tight leash i get numb to my emotions. I can't remember the last time i cried or really connected with someone on an emotional level Surely there must be middle ground where we don't have to fry our brains just to behave ourselves or to try to please others

I hope you are feeling better today.Kind regards

Mark

[Lauren_C]

Hi Mark,

I’m sorry to hear you are struggling with this too. I too, wish there was some middle ground. Whilst I cannot imagine the numb feeling you have described, I do hope that on some level this is of greater assistance for your life right now than it is to be in a hyper sensitive anxious state. I’m sure however, that this feels like a catch 22 for you. I too experience downplaying the ‘good’ things.

I hope today was a good day for you as well, and hopefully each day gets just that little bit better.

[mr magoo]

I like Catters approach.The inner critic is a bitch but you have to be a bigger badass and tell her to get back in her box.

Hope you feel a bit better today

kind regards Mark

[mr magoo]

Thankyou for your kind words.I believe the numb feeling is my body's defence to try to protect me from things that hurt.

Kind regards

mark