Afraid of getting STIs and being alone forever (NFSW)

[chrisw01]

Sorry, it seems a little bit too much going on last month. Maybe not a big deal compared with other people's issues, but I just need a space to talk about because I don't have any friends that I can share with, and I don't think it is a good idea to talk about anything related to STIs with my parents. 

I am a 28 years old man, who is extremely introverted and always feels insecure about myself, especially my below-average size (I could elaborate more if needed, but I don't think it is necessary), and the way I talk to people. One day, I decided to go to visit a sex worker. After a brief moment of satisfaction, all I bring to myself are nothing but the constant fear of having Herpes (From what I know, they can live with your body forever and wait until one day to have an outbreak) or any other STIs and possible prostitution addiction. I feel so pathetic and sad about myself for ruining my life and body for a moment of fake happiness.

Sometimes I don't even know what I want. I want to have a meaningful relationship, but I am too afraid of facing rejection and getting hurt because of the things I am feeling insecure about. When I was young I feel like things will just happen, or I didn't have this sense of urgency. As I am getting older, I couldn't stop wondering if I am missing something important in my life. I become anxious and uncomfortable at the thought that I will regret not doing something right now, but I have no idea what should I do. Am I going to find someone that can understand me and accept who I am rather than get annoyed by my self-pity? I feel so lonely and I feel like I am wasting my life right now.

[chrisw01]

Dear Croix,

I understand there are different types of friends and I believe I do have a good relationship with my co-workers. I have gone through a big moment in my life last month, and my mood changed from excitement to fear and frustration within the past few weeks, and then I realise I got no one to talk to about it. I believe this is the moment I realize how lonely I am. I am a night owl so it is a bit difficult to find a community that is suitable for me. I try to have a look on meetup.com and see if I have any like-minded people, but unfortunately, I couldn't find any. I do follow some advice and catch up with some of my co-workers from my last job, and it does make me feel less lonely for a brief moment.

For the church invitation, I agree that because I am not religious so we drift apart, it's just I never expected people to change their attitude so quickly. Maybe because they think I am cold and uninterested as well?

I believe most of the tests should be ok, but I am not sure about Herpes because the standard STIs test did not test that and they are highly contagious so I might already get that. I feel like there is a ticking bomb in my body and I feel like that will make my insecurity even worse. Now I am trying to improve my health to avoid a painful outbreak. I did some other health tests and found out my blood pressure is actually unhealthy and I have done an echocardiogram to see if I have any heart problems. I will get my test results this Friday. Ironically doing what I did makes me more aware of my own health, a blessing in disguise I guess.

My favorite anime? It is very difficult to pick one because I have found most of them are good but if I have to choose one, I guess it's Hunter x Hunter because I still feel excited after the long hiatus is ended (I start watching the 1999 version when I was young)

Chris

[Croix]

Dear Chrisw01~

You certainly picked a very long anime in Hunter x Hunter, which I believe not only came out in installments but was actually remade from the start, though have not seen it.

It's very difficult if you don't know if you have an infection, and there are no symptoms. I hope your doctor has talked about minimizing having symptoms and also minimizing transmitting it (if you do in fact have it) to others.

It's a legitimate thing to consider, however it is not a given you have been infected. I suppose one hard thing may be in disclosing the possibility to a person you are going to be intimate with, again proper advice would seem sensible.

I'm glad there is a silver lining to all this, the fact your own physical health is being assessed, this is a most important benefit. If I've calculated correctly you will have had your test results by now and know if you need to pay attention to heart problems.  Early detection is a real bonus.

If you would like to say how you got on that would be great

Croix

[chrisw01]

Dear Croix,

Hopefully, I didn't get Herpes, but who knows, it is what it is and there is nothing I can do about it. I myself have done some research on that and it seems the only thing I can do is to make sure I am healthy, but there is no guarantee. I felt scared for like weeks so I feel kind of numb right now.

I got my STI test result back and for now, it seems everything is ok for now, but I need to repeat the test one or two months after to make sure. I still haven't gotten my echocardiogram result yet and I will let you know as soon as possible if I have the result.

Chris

[Croix]

Dear Chris~

Thanks for letting us know the results so far -lookng hopeful. A pity the echocardiogram results are taking their time.

You never know wiht the herpes, there may be a definitive test in the future, medical science does progress, and this test would be in demand.

Croix

[chrisw01]

Dear Croix,

I got my echocardiogram results back. The good news is there is nothing serious so I have one less thing to worry about. My blood pressure is a bit high so I am going to exercise more. 

Thank you for being with me this whole time.

Regards,

Chris

[Croix]

Dear Chris~

Well, with your echocardiogram showing nothing serious I'd think you can say on the whole this episode  has had some positives.. Looking after your blood pressure by exercise sounds a pretty good way to approach the problem.

No, I haven't forgotten your worry over herpes, however the circumstances, with no other trace of STDs sounds hopeful, and while it may just be possible you did contract the disease (and be infectious) I'd guess absence of symptoms makes it even less likley (I am no doctor, so any medical advice will be better than my ideas). 

Maybe it is something to be careful about with future partners but not something to rule you life.

Croix

[chrisw01]

Dear Croix,

Yeah, that is a relief that my echocardiogram is good. Hopefully, my blood pressure can drop to normal by the end of this year. Logically, I know there is nothing I can do with Herpes, it is just the feeling of something bad might happen to me that really sucks. I don't even think about having a partner in the future because of my bad communication skills and insecurities, so having that condition certainly didn't help.

I just realized I have never talked so much about myself before I create this post. Come to this forum certainly makes me feel less lonely and I appreciate that a lot, again thank you for being with me in the last few weeks.

Chris