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Hi

Trans22
Valued Contributor
Valued Contributor

I had been existing for almost 52 years in a world filled with confusion, which turned into severe depression (self diagnosed) around the onset of puberty.  I was/am confident of my diagnosis because I cannot remember too many days where I didn't wish for my existence to end, but  I was never brave or selfish enough to do anything more than self harm.  I only ever sought help once and was prescribed anti-depressants which didn't help much because they were treating a symptom rather than the root cause.

In mid-late 2021, work placed me on a series of coaching sessions with a psychologist.  My psychologist identified the root cause to my problems and my life started to turn around.  However, the root cause placed me in a group of people with really bad mental health related statistics - depression (>70%), anxiety (~65%), self-harm(~80%), & worse (~50%) above average.   I'm sure that most of you have now guessed that I am transgender - its embarrassing for me to admit that the word transgender didn't exist in my vocabulary until Sep-2021.
I started living authentically on 1-Jun and my transition has been outstanding so far.  Almost everyone has accepted me - it seems that almost everyone already knew/suspected that I wasn't a boy/man between my ears.  I am seeing a psychologist because of the residual pain associated with my previous existence.  I have also seen a psychiatrist and am now on HRT.  My choice to live authentically was the best decision of my life, my choice to start HRT was the second best (mostly because of the mental health improvements).  It also seems that my body is very receptive to hormones, because physical changes started occurring after just 4 weeks (not supposed to happen before 3-6 months) - would love to find out whether there is a medical reason for this.

4 Replies 4

white knight
Community Champion
Community Champion

Hi, welcome

 

Thankyou for being so open and honest. Unfortunately we cannot offer any medical advice. We are peer advisors, advice giving from our own mental health struggles. 

 

I want to applaude you for your approach to this difficult transition, so many people will read this with similar issues and grow their knowledge.

 

One thing we cannot change is our nature. Your nature was within you all along and now the door has swung open to a life you were destined to have.  I am so glad you have embraced your inner self. Here is two threads you might be interesting in-

 

https://forums.beyondblue.org.au/t5/staying-well/accepting-yourself-the-frog-and-the-scorpion/td-p/1...

 

https://forums.beyondblue.org.au/t5/sexuality-and-gender-identity/lgbtiq-not-conventional-you-are-st...  

 

Have an exciting journey being yourself

 

TonyWK

Thanks for your reply.   My final pondering was me "thinking" out loud.  I tell pieces of my story in various places online in the hope that others might benefit.  Despite the "you are not alone" advice out there, I've felt very alone many times throughout my journey - possibly because I live over 1200km from the nearest capital city.

Mark Z.
Community Champion
Community Champion

Hi Tran22,

 

Sorry that I'm not a professional and cannot give you any medical advice.

But I want to say thank you for sharing your experience. You're so brave and so inspiring. And as you said, we make our own choices and decide our own lives. Fully agree and respect that.

 

Mark

Trans22
Valued Contributor
Valued Contributor

The last thought was merely thinking out loud.
I don't see myself as brave, but I really hope that other people in similar positions might gain some advantage from my story.  I will also say that my starting a transition diary/journal that focuses mostly on the positives and occasionally rereading it has been incredibly therapeutic.  Based on my experience, the deeper a person sinks into depression the harder it is to find a reason to continue existing - a journal of positive/happy memories is incredibly helpful.