A question for our new members (and regulars too 😊).

[Quercus]

Hi everyone,

I've been thinking lately about inclusion on the forums and wondering...

What it is like to be a newbie on the forums?

Anyone feel like answering?

In the offline world we all deal with cliques. And feeling like we don't fit in or belong sometimes.

When I joined the forums I remember seeing members with thousands of posts and people greeting eachother like old friends.

I wanted so badly to feel like part of this community. I know I'm not alone... Sometimes I see a thread where someone is disheartened by a lack of response.

My question (sorry for the waffling) ...

What helped you to feel welcome here?

Here is my list (yep quite keen on lists)

• For newbies start your own thread in welcome/orientation. If you post your story in a social thread or someone else's thread you'll get lost in the system.
• On that note... Try not to make multiple threads on the same topic. If you are finding you need support speak up in the social threads or in a thread you contribute to a bit... Give the title of your thread and ask if someone will come have a chat.
• Read the rules and the posts in the welcome orientation section. Seems obvious but I don't think everyone does... And there is a lot of useful stuff in there!
• Remember the forums are not immediate. If you need immediate help there are the support numbers. Everyone on here is just like you (voluntarily contributing and dealing with a mental illness) so if you flood the forums with posts getting angry or upset about a delay in response or a post held up in moderation people tend to get overwhelmed and upset too. The helplines are there for a reason please use them 😊.
• Take the time to respond. There is nothing worse that writing a reply and then the new user never comes back online. There isn't a notification system. You've got to log on and check. Please do.
• Write to others. You don't have to know what to say. Or have advice. Sometimes it is just nice to have someone aknowledge you or to know someone is listening.

Enough waffling from me.... What does everyone else think?

Nat

[Quercus]

Hi Flick,

Nothing better than a swim. Did you go to the beach or pool? I'm not big on pools once it gets hot. The amount of chlorine makes my skin itch. Made me think of eczema ouch.

I love the salt and sand it is soothing. Plus the beach means sandcastles. Even before kids that was my favourite. Usually sand turtles with shells on their shells.

I hope you had a relaxing day.

❤ Nat

[Quercus]

Hello to all our new members 😊

Want to know a secret? Feeling welcome and comfortable on an online forum can be a challenge even for old hats like me.

It is the same as in life... My poor self esteem and unhelpful thinking styles get in the way all the time.

Jumping to conclusions. Expecting the worst. Blowing this out of proportion. Taking things the wrong way. Personifying... We all do that I think...

• "This must be directed at me"
• "Noone has responded yet so they must not like me"
• "The conversation has moved on as if I didn't say anything... Maybe they don't want me here"
• "Noone said hello... What is wrong with me?"
• "Maybe I said the wrong thing"
• "Maybe they are angry/offended"

Common themes... It's about me... When in reality it is not.

The joy of the forums for me has been the way it doesn't feel like social media. No performances just a space to be honest and be ourselves in a way we don't get to be offline.

But at times the old unhelpful thoughts kick in. And I start to see aspects I hate in social media appear. Is it in my head? Either way it's time to take a big deep breath and reassess why I came to the forums. To help others manage their mental illness and in turn to learn from others how to manage my own better.

Take a step back and reassess how invested I've become. That's why I feel unwelcome. Because I'm trying too hard to be "liked". When the reality is what I need from the forums is not approval or validation from others.. But to learn how to approve and validate myself.

I would love to hear from new users if you want to share.

How are the forums feeling to you right now?

Are they friendly? Judgemental? Welcoming? Intimidating?

❤ Nat

[james1]

So true Nat -

"It's all about me."

Unfortunately, even though we don't mean to be so focussed on ourselves - in fact, being too selfless is one of our major troubles! - but when we are vulnerable, we are also prone to taking things personally.

My big one: I text someone. They don't reply immediately. "They must hate me."

In reality, it has nothing to do with me. They are simply busy.

But what is to do with me is my own fear - I need to work on that.

Love your post

James

[Quercus]

Hi James,

Thanks for your reply. Do you think any new users will respond or am I too aggressive? Mood is so weird right now it's hard to tell. Your text thing is so understandable. I have a few friends who are the same. If I don't reply right away they worry.

I set boundaries. "I don't reply unless I am on my phone... It can be hours. It does not mean I don't love you. It means I am either busy or in a bad space and unable". It helped just to admit that. Sometimes I need to remind them but mostly we are all happier.

I hope you are well and happy.

[white knight]

Hi all

Yes I agree. It reminds me of a bbq recently I was holding and a guest asked a question about football

"Do you think Ablett would have joined the bulldogs for more money"?

I went silent except for "umm"

"Well do you, fo you" he demanded.

Calmly I answered.."you have every right to ask the question as I have equal right to think about that question and only reply when I've got an answer. "

Tony WK

[blondguy]

Hi Nat

You have a great thread topic happening here 🙂

Your responses are and have always been GOLD.....nothing will change that...

It seems we are both 'old hats' 🙂

I hope you have a really good weekend!

Paul

[Moonstruck]

Dear Quercus - I am afraid to answer your question in detail.........I miss Forum terribly...it has played a big part in my healing.....Moon S.

[Flick_SnotGrass]

Hey Nat, we have an amazing pool, I think they're using Bromine or something...great for my skin...sun helps a lot too.

Happy boy today,

Moi

[Quercus]

Hi Moonstruck,

Sorry I missed your post it must have taken a while to come through.

Are you ok? What's going on forum wise? I had noticed you'd been a little quiet lately is there anything you need to talk about?

That's waffling Nat speak for "how can I help".

❤ Nat

[Quercus]

Hi Flick,

Good to see you brushing yourself off and starting again. We all have bad days and it was uplifting to see you acknowledge the crap and plough right on through it 😊.

💩💩💩💩💩💩💩💩💩💩💩

Hi Paul and Tony 😊

I've got massive respect for the two of you.

If you say its gold Paul then I'll take the compliment and keep on doing what I'm doing. How are you holding up haven't harrassed you on your thread of late... Will get onto that 😊

Tony I always think of you when I remind myself to expect to be treated with respect and accept no less. The way you speak is both open and honest and yet respectful. You are proof that it is possible to have a caring personality and not be walked over. It's all about boundaries. Thank You.