A question for our new members (and regulars too 😊).

[Quercus]

Hi everyone,

I've been thinking lately about inclusion on the forums and wondering...

What it is like to be a newbie on the forums?

Anyone feel like answering?

In the offline world we all deal with cliques. And feeling like we don't fit in or belong sometimes.

When I joined the forums I remember seeing members with thousands of posts and people greeting eachother like old friends.

I wanted so badly to feel like part of this community. I know I'm not alone... Sometimes I see a thread where someone is disheartened by a lack of response.

My question (sorry for the waffling) ...

What helped you to feel welcome here?

Here is my list (yep quite keen on lists)

• For newbies start your own thread in welcome/orientation. If you post your story in a social thread or someone else's thread you'll get lost in the system.
• On that note... Try not to make multiple threads on the same topic. If you are finding you need support speak up in the social threads or in a thread you contribute to a bit... Give the title of your thread and ask if someone will come have a chat.
• Read the rules and the posts in the welcome orientation section. Seems obvious but I don't think everyone does... And there is a lot of useful stuff in there!
• Remember the forums are not immediate. If you need immediate help there are the support numbers. Everyone on here is just like you (voluntarily contributing and dealing with a mental illness) so if you flood the forums with posts getting angry or upset about a delay in response or a post held up in moderation people tend to get overwhelmed and upset too. The helplines are there for a reason please use them 😊.
• Take the time to respond. There is nothing worse that writing a reply and then the new user never comes back online. There isn't a notification system. You've got to log on and check. Please do.
• Write to others. You don't have to know what to say. Or have advice. Sometimes it is just nice to have someone aknowledge you or to know someone is listening.

Enough waffling from me.... What does everyone else think?

Nat

[startingnew]

yes thank you Pammy, i get very emotional over certain things. ive found if i take a break from it then come back im abit better but geez its hard sometimes knowing how much people go through without support and i am very well aware of how it feels. so its kind of like being empathetic while reading/responding but then letting your emotions go- not saying you dont care but like self preservation?

[Chloe_M]

I feel the same way starts I am a very emotional person, the slightest things will have me in floods of tears and when reading some of the stories and cries for help just gets me so worked up. I think sometimes reading everyone's stories makes me feel a bit worse, but then again, I love to help and in the long run I think that this really helps me deal with my own MH problems.

[demonblaster]

And and another post a gonna 😑 all good

Hey Q darl (threw in early for ya 😀 and guys

In reply to taking on peoples pain in the threads mostly I don't watch the news or read papers it downs and angers me seeing how people are to others same here and at times I express that which maybe I shouldn't so passionately thinking on it and yes I empathise and feel sadness for their pain but I don't take it on board and it doesn't pull me down as Pammy said exactly I care and feel for them but can let it go otherwise I'd have to hibernate or stay in my or light threads or leave

Q or someone asked what threads would we recomend to someone new. Good question and glad it was bought up because it's a way of helping too. I do at times same as mentioned depending on what the issue is I think for anyone light relief in the social zone's a good one

Thanks guys for great input and this thread Q

Take care 🐧

[Quercus]

Hello everyone,

DB and SN you both bring up interesting topics that I find hard about the forums...

1.Balancing the hard reality of people's needs with self care.

2. Social threads on the forums.

To answer your question SN... I manage the difficult threads by putting myself first. Yep I said it.

It sounds harsh but I weigh up my response when I log off. If I feel good about myself then what I'm doing/writing/reading is good for me. If I log off feeling worse it is time to step away for a while.

If that means leaving a thread without replying so be it. I am human and a pretty average one at that. We can only do what we can.

It helps to remind myself we are all equally as responsible for eachother. It is not one person's responsibility to reply it is all of ours. If we ask for support we try to give to others. That includes reporting a post if you are concerned the member is a risk to themselves.

Chloe and SN if you feel very emotional... examine how you feel when you log off. Maybe it is time to reassess your offline supports/medication/self care routine. It is easy to be overwhelmed when you don't feel well within yourself.

[Quercus]

As to the social threads...

DB you're right. Sometimes we need the balance. Read something light between heavier discussions.

The problem I see though is investing in social threads to the expense of your support network offline.

These forums are gentle and safe. And others here understand! It is tempting and so easy to begin to rely on the social threads and make friends.

But the reality is I can't help offline. If you are overwhelmed and teary I cannot help in the same way as an offline friend could.

So I see the social threads as having their use but also I like to encourage people to invest in creating offline support networks. Making good friends offline takes significantly more effort. But the benefits are enormous.

What do you think?

[Chloe_M]

Hi Q,

you may say that you're not as good as face to face support from friends, but in reality at this point in time you are (and everyone else here), as most of my friends are in NY, one is in south Australia my best friend is all I really have rn. For more info you can read my thread "advice for seeking professional help TW: sexual abuse, self harm andsuicidal thoughts." I'd appreciate the help and support.

thanks guys

Chloe

[startingnew]

Hi Everyone


Chloe- I feel the same way sometimes. It can be hard to read some stories but my favourites are the success and watching some of those struggles ease as they get help. Though I know I cant help everyone, only when and where I can but often I read more than I write.




DB- I dont watch the news or anything either or very rarely. Some things are horrid on the news esp what other humans do to one another! I have learnt abit to let things go, with those im closer to I find it near on impossible but if im reading but I dont really talk to them and their story affects me I tend to take a breather then come back when im ready. Thank you




Nat- thank you, you seem to be rather good at this from what ive read from you- that is meant as a compliment too btw.
I try to put myself first when it comes to the forums but like many its still a work in progress. A very slow one at that. I can see though that it needs to be done and it benefits more than just myself as well- ie I dont give half answered responses or write while im flustered so to speak.
I find when im struggling more I will stick close to just a few threads, or take a day or 2 away from here to do more self care or focus on the offline stuff more.
Im a rather emotional person in general so I find the harder things take me a little bit more to respond to and have learnt that I cant help everyone. Like you I dont feel I need to respond to all the posts here- despite my experiences I do lack a lot of what some of our older members have and their knowledge and its best leave it to someone with that sort of experience. Some stories just hit the right place so to speak and can be hard to walk away from them without being emotional and wanting to do much more than offer abit of advice or not knowing what the hell to say that might help at all. Ive learnt that being 'helpless' is a trigger so im trying to understand that and control it more as well which I guess is where this has come into the forums as well.
Thank again

[Quercus]

Thanks for your replies Chloe and SN 😊,

Chloe I will get to your thread in time at the moment I'm easing back in replying to new members. I find that easier when I am overwhelmed.

SN a lot of what you wrote I can understand personally. My saving grace has been the little blue bus (volunteer role). I've mentioned before there is a system behind the scenes. Until I volunteered I didn't realise how seriously BB take their duty of care. It has been a relief for me to know this.

So if you start to feel like you have to save people. Take a breath. Log off. And go do something for yourself to relax.

As to helping others every single one of us do fine. There is no perfect reply. It is just sharing support and experience. What you give is great SN.

I wonder if any of our new users feel like joining in? Ok so you've joined the forums and made a post... Now what? What do you expect from the forums? How do you feel about your welcome?

[startingnew]

hi Chloe i posted on your thread a little earlier but its not up as yet, when it comes to talking about stuff in the SH section it can take a little bit to come through. xo

thank you Nat, much appreciated and most helpful as well. will keep practicing your suggestion/s. xox

and welcome to any of our new members too, please do join us we arent scary 🙂

[Burgy23]

Hi Hazel,

I'm new too, in fact i joined about 20 minutes ago and I'm not sure what I'm hoping to get out of this or what I can contribute,but I think we all have our personal issues and stories. So with a bit of time I'll start to share my. I hope your journey is a happy one.