A question for our new members (and regulars too 😊).

[Quercus]

Hi everyone,

I've been thinking lately about inclusion on the forums and wondering...

What it is like to be a newbie on the forums?

Anyone feel like answering?

In the offline world we all deal with cliques. And feeling like we don't fit in or belong sometimes.

When I joined the forums I remember seeing members with thousands of posts and people greeting eachother like old friends.

I wanted so badly to feel like part of this community. I know I'm not alone... Sometimes I see a thread where someone is disheartened by a lack of response.

My question (sorry for the waffling) ...

What helped you to feel welcome here?

Here is my list (yep quite keen on lists)

• For newbies start your own thread in welcome/orientation. If you post your story in a social thread or someone else's thread you'll get lost in the system.
• On that note... Try not to make multiple threads on the same topic. If you are finding you need support speak up in the social threads or in a thread you contribute to a bit... Give the title of your thread and ask if someone will come have a chat.
• Read the rules and the posts in the welcome orientation section. Seems obvious but I don't think everyone does... And there is a lot of useful stuff in there!
• Remember the forums are not immediate. If you need immediate help there are the support numbers. Everyone on here is just like you (voluntarily contributing and dealing with a mental illness) so if you flood the forums with posts getting angry or upset about a delay in response or a post held up in moderation people tend to get overwhelmed and upset too. The helplines are there for a reason please use them 😊.
• Take the time to respond. There is nothing worse that writing a reply and then the new user never comes back online. There isn't a notification system. You've got to log on and check. Please do.
• Write to others. You don't have to know what to say. Or have advice. Sometimes it is just nice to have someone aknowledge you or to know someone is listening.

Enough waffling from me.... What does everyone else think?

Nat

[Quercus]

Hi Savvii,

Your post made me teary (in a good way). Even if this post is the only one you ever feel comfortable to make I just wanted to say it is so appreciated!

The majority of people just read the forums. That was me too for a long time. I wasn't able to speak up on here until I was medicated and stable but how I desperately wanted to!

That is the point of this thread. Why I even created it. Reading is fantastic. If it helps you all power to you.

But if there is a moment where it feels too much. And you need support or advice or empathy or a gentle nudge to see your GP... we all want you to be comfortable and feel welcome enough to speak up.

So thank you Savvii. For letting us know even one reader is getting the message 😊. If you ever feel like sharing your story or joining in on a thread please do. You are very welcome.

Nat

[Flick_SnotGrass]

Hello again Quercus,

A couple of daze ago you wrote "What on earth is the goldies? Goldfields in WA? I'm lost. Love it."

Hahahaha Quercus ... it must be my accent..."The Goldie" is a typical Australian contraction of the phrase "The Goldcoast", 'the goldie'.

Quercus, Australians are quite economical in their use of language, to say the very least, some examples:

- Coolengata becomes Coolie

- Brisbane = Brizzy

- Afternoon = Arvo

- Macdonald's = Macker's [apostrophe optional]

- English man = Pom [* there are quite a number of variants to this]

Quercus I hope this helps.

In my next post I will enunciate, articulate and enumerate the number of vowels the average Queenslander uses to say the word 'No'. Please see * above.

Hear endeth le lecon,

Flick

[savvii]

Hi Nat,

Thank you for your supportive and kind response. It can difficult to speak about our own circumstances. For myself, as it is for many others I guess, my main issue of course is trust. We live in a society that reserves little empathy, understanding or tolerance for people with mental health issues. But in saying that Beyond Blue is an exception, in that it seems to really get the need for safety and trust. Over the years I have watched Beyond Blue open the door on community dialogue around mental health issues, which is extremely heartening. I have a terrific relationship with my GP and have recently asked her for a referral to a psychologist, who I saw for the first time last week. I have a double diagnosis, meaning confirmed, of PTSD which I have never specifically had therapy for. I do though have medication to assist with anxiety. After a fairly recent experience with a ridiculously rare tumour, a cancer support service councillor helped me to identify that I experience 'hyper vigilance'. This prompted me to ask my GP for a referral to deal specifically with that. This year alone in addition to the PTSD I have been diagnosed with four other medical conditions on top of the cancer. I'm kind of getting why I'm hyper vigilant! I will go looking in the forums for a thread or threads dealing specifically with PTSD and hyper vigilance. It would be really useful to hang out with and learn from the experience with others with these issues.

Again, thank you Nat

Savvii

[Quercus]

Hi Savvii,

You stuck around! That is fantastic. There are a lot of people here who will be able to relate to you and point out some good threads for PTSD. Getting a diagnosis is a relief I found. To know exactly what is happening to you. I'm working at the block today (29 degrees wooohooo spring is HERE!) but later will write some more ok.

Good on you for taking the plunge here. This is a safe place. There are moderators here who weed out any thing risky or inappropriate. And we all can report posts if they are a worry or offensive.

Savvii you're right about the offline world being judgemental. I like to think the forums can be a refuge. Where we can discuss MI openly without stressing about judgement.

I had better get back to work. The hard part is done. Now it's time to cook the BBQ.

😊😊😊

[Mathy]

Hi Quercus and thanks for this thread, it’s been enlightening.

I find it difficult to compose a reply. I’ve belonged to other forums (for hobbies etc.,) and believe it’s important to respond to new members, like I’m new, so these folk are my peers, so to speak. And, when people choose to post here, they often seem to be almost at their wit’s end, so a response is important - so they’re acknowledged. But, I find myself questioning whether the use of a tip from personal experience is good/bad and a whole bunch of other ideas. I guess, those other forums, were about things like hobbies, whereas this forum is about people’s mental health, emotions and they can be fragile and vulnerable, so I worry about accidentally causing an upset. The Community Champions do an amazing job - hat’s off to them, they’re all fantastic and consistent in their responses.

[savvii]

Hi Quercus,

Thanks for responding. Yes I stuck around!

[Quercus]

Hi Mathy!

I feel you about knowing the 'right thing' to say. The secret... CCs are absolutely no different from you or anyone else reading. There is no correct response.

When I was asked if I wanted to volunteer one of my questions was do I have to do anything different? The answer... NO.

Yes there are familiar themes.... GP, helplines, self help techniques, support networks, safety planning... But the thing is we aren't doctors. So we do recommend the things that keep people safe as priority one. But apart from that the forums are peer support.

You're spot on though... a hello on a thread. A welcome. Acknowledgement. We can all do that. Easy! And such a huge impact on making someone else feel good about asking for help.

Your experience is just as important as mine. I have never experienced PTSD for example. So although I can still offer a welcome a response from another with lived experience is so much more valuable. What do you think?

As to upset... It happens. Ask anyone on here and yes you will upset someone at some point. The key things are...

• Read the rules and keep it polite.
• Remember we all have a MI and treat others as you'd like to be treated.
• Apologise if you need to or try talk it through.
• If you are truly worried someone is at risk report the post.
• If you see a post that is harmful report it.

I've reported my own posts before. I replied and then realised I was triggered and emotional and immediately hit report and explained I wasn't sure if it was appropriate (moderators said it was ok in the reply email).

Thank you for your post Mathy. My apologies I have not gotten to your thread yet. I slowly work around as I can so I don't get overwhelmed. It is nice to meet you though.

Nat

[Quercus]

Hi Flick,

I will reply on your thread if that's ok. There is a reason I discounted the gold coast in my mind 😊.

And Savvii...

What a silly thing for me to say! Of course you stuck around... you've been here since 2013 as a quiet reader! I meant I'm glad you replied. 😊

[savvii]

Hi Quercus,

No need to apologise at all, I got your meaning. I was going to write a longer response but i have a habit of writing and then deleting. Silly me. You are so right about getting the diagnosis, it makes a world of difference knowing what we are dealing with.

It's lovely to start chatting and get to know a few folk on this forum. I will make an effort to log in regularly and engage. This is really a fantastic resource.

Savvii 🙂

[Quercus]

Hi Savvii,

I'm glad you're starting to find yoyr feet on the forums. Have you considered starting a thread for your story? I would really like to hear more from you.

If you want to chat and don't feel ready for your own thread...you are most welcome to talk on my thread "feeling well enough to find my voice again" (it's in the long term section) just skip to the end you don't have to read it.

That way I can keep this thread "on topic" and find out what makes people feel welcome 😊 and also ask you more unrelated questions.

I'm sure given that you've read silently for years you've seen people get upset being encouraged to start their own thread. Sometimes people interpret that as "I'm being told my story is not welcome here.... I'm not welcome here" but it's not that at all. I hope this doesn't upset you.

I'm looking forward to hearing more from you. 😊

Nat