Stopped anti depressants!!

[Jo3]

It's been about a week (I think, I really can't remember) when I decided to stop my meds.  I only take one AD.

I know a lot of you are going to "tell me off" and say Jo get back on them.  But the thing is - how do I know when I need to stop.  I wanted to come off them to see how I would feel and act.  Well to be honest I have been not too bad, except last night I was thinking of saying goodbye to my workmates (as I have just got a new job 5 mins from home, still in pharmacy) and as I lay in bed I broke down crying non stop.  But I don't know if my pmt is not helping as well.  Oh I don't know what to think - I really would like to come off the AD.

I am going to phone my pyschiatrist this morning and tell him and I have a session tonight with my therapist. 

I know that I will get a lot of people telling me to ............... ok I have made a mistake and I need to go back on them. I am crying so much now that I can't even type.

I hope that no one judges me or thinks that I am "silly" for doing what I've done. I'm now confused. I'm sorry I should not have put this on here. Has anyone else ever done this?

Jo

[Mares73]

 My dear friend Jo, I would never judge or criticize you. You are the best person in your life to make designs about what you feel is best for you. As a true friend my role is to support you whilst also pointing out different perspectives as you don't seem to have anyone in your family to do this with. Re stopping the antidepressants I know from experience this is not something to do suddenly it usually requires reducing the dosage each day over a week or so. I take it you haven't discussed this with anyone? Jo you have been under so much pressure lately with limited supported strongly suggest you stay on the antidepressants until you see your psych & then discuss with him your reasons for wanting to stop the antidepressants? Or can you email him? Your meds have been concerning you for some time I agree it's time to get a review. Even if you start with a GP on this site I bet they are highly  educated in mental health & if necessary can refer you to a peer. I don't want you on this journey alone.  I'm here for you to offload. Lots of love & hugs X Mares

[HA1]

Hi Jo

no-one is going to judge you - certainly not me.  I have been tempted many times.  But I am on a high dose, so probably could not without it being managed.

take care and watch out for any bad signs.  Then you need to go back on them

k

[Girl_Anachronism]

Hi Jo,

As you may remember this exactly what I did recently. I went off my meds for three weeks, cold turkey from a middle dosage. I am still not sure if all that happened off them was withdrawal or just how I am without meds. I then saw my psychiatrist who refused to listen to my reasons or discuss other plans. She just demanded I go back on them.

I did that because the anger and irritability were really starting to affect me. For a week. Then I saw a different psychiatrist, who listened and we worked out to go off them and try something new. 

So if you feel you need a review, definitely see your psychiatrist. Wearen't going to judge you for it and neither will they. They may tell you to go back on it, as a lower dosage just until your next appointment. So you wean off as opposed to cold turkey.

Ultimately your treatment is up to you. If you feel you need to change your meds, change them with a proffessionals help. Let your support network know so they can keep an eye out for signs that you can't see of withdrawal. Thats whati did and they didn't tell me to go back on, they just monitored me while my brain chemistry worked itself out. 

You are not silly. Whether you take them is up to you. But talk to your professionals about it, at least so they know you have gone off them. Then you can work out the best path forward from here. 

Your friend, 

GA

[Jo3]

Hi Mares, Hideaway and GA

I really don't know, I left a message for my psych today and he called and left me a message to say to go back on the meds but start with one tablet for 7 days then add the extra one.

 The way I feel at the moment is (a) horrible, embarassed and totally hating myself (b) happy to be starting a new job in a few weeks time which means a lot more money which will ease our financial burden/crisis.

How can I feel two completely different emotions at the one time - going from one extreme to another.

I really wanted to stop the meds in the hope that I would instantly feel so much better, but in reality that's not going to happen is it.

I want to still stay off them just to see how i would feel but am scared in case i do relapse and end up worse than before.  so i guess the simple answer is - take them.

Jo

[white knight]

My dearest lovely Jo,

No, you are not silly. You show signs of being desperate. This is for many reasons but unhappiness is there for so many reasons and its all built up and overflowed.

You know in your heart you have to stay on your meds. That's the last I'll mention that.

I'm glad you are honest and open here. Thinking of you. For you are a very special person.

Tony WK

[Girl_Anachronism]

Hi Jo,

In the end the choice is up to you, but I would suggest a compromise. If you don't feel comfortable taking the full dose, take the one tablet, the lower dose until you can get to see your psych or alternately, a different psych for a second opinion.

it is important you don't go cold turkey. It is hell, I have just done that. However by taking the lower dose, the withdrawal symptoms will abate. Also in order to get off the meds regardless of changing onto something else, you would have to wean off anyway. Think of it as a halfway point.

it is also important you are able to express your concerns over your medications and be heard. It is important you can have a discussion about it.  When is your next appointment with your psych? If its a while away, can you have a phone conversation about it?

if you feel you will get emotional, try write out your reasons and thoughts about your meds. Have it with you when you discuss it.

I don't remember whether it was you or Mares that suggested it to me, but I recently finished reading The Buddha and The Borderline. It is a fantastic book I recommend. In it one of the things I picked up was that everybody has conflicting emotions about something. They feel happy and horrible. Its anatural thing. 

We borderlines just struggle with it more than most. Dialectic means something akin to two opposing views. So what you are feeling is normal

Also I haven't said it yet, but congratulations on the new job. It will do wonders for you. 

GA

[Jo3]

Hi Tony & GA

Thank you for your reply.  I think deep down I know I need to take them but I was trying to see how I would be feel without them.  To be honest I have been very emotional, no headaches yet.  But this week I am feeling hormonal with pmt. Everything just feels like it;s piling up on top of me.

I did take one tablet at lunchtime. So I will keep taking one for a week then go onto to two a day.  But next week I will phone my psych and speak to him to let him know how I'm going.

BPD is really hard to handle; let alone try to "fix" or at least control.  I try to be good one day and then bang I'm back to having a horrible day.

Take care

Jo xx