Hi, I've stuck my toe in and out of the forums for the last couple of months, sometimes finding bits that are relevant to my situation. Lately I've come to realize that in the treatment of my depression and anxiety, the gulf between my psychologist and myself is widening. I just don't think she 'gets' it. I feel really frustrated because i have invested quite some time in coming to this point. I am a late discovery Adoptee, which means I didn't find out that I was an Adopted Person until the age of 41. My Adoptive Mother died before I found out and the relationship between us was never great. I certainly feel betrayed and cheated by her. My Adoptive Father was the one who told me, but said it was not a topic he particularly wanted to discuss - so we never did. He died two years later and we had become progressively distant both after my Adoptive Mother had died and because of his relationship with another lady. Not only did my parents not tell me my entire life, just about everyone around me - of my parents generation and older - knew I was adopted. My Grandparents, my Godmother, parents friends. When I spoke to my Godmother , she said "We thought you knew". How can I talk and show i know about something when I never knew about it ?!
Anyhow, I feel as if the above is relevant to my current issues with my son and the relationship between us. I feel as if (and my psychologist has pointed this out to me ) how I was parented, is how I have learned to parent my son. I guess I am shifting some of the blame, but I just think that there is something to be said for a child who was taken/removed/given up by their biological mother and given to parents who do not reflect back the same and anticipated nurturing of the biological mother. There are a lot of issues that come out of Adoption and i really think that my psychologist doesn't give them a place in our sessions. So ultimately , do I give up on this psychologist? Do I keep pushing this perspective, which I have (in a feeble way) ? If I find a new psychologist, will I start over, from the beginning, once again taking years to maybe get to this same point?
Two of my girlfriends have suggested that I find a new psychologist, but I am reluctant. Because it's change, because it is another failure added to all the others strewn through my life. Thoughts appreciated.
