OCD and Anxiety sufferer introduction.

[thebull]

Hi,
I was diagnosed about eight years ago. I was 35 at the time, and we just had our first and only daughter. This is when my anxiety and OCD thoughts started to overtake me and my mind thought of vulgar behaviour and anxiety that came with it. Although I would never have gone through with any of it, it scared the hell out of me. I thought I was going crazy, mind racing whirling over and over. Eventually, I got referred to a Psychiatrist who put me on some heavy anti-psychotics, making me a walking zombie, I was also put on another medication to help with ongoing crushing headaches. My initial diagnosis back then was Schizophrenia and OCD.
Later we moved to Queensland, got a new GP, saw him as I needed a script for my medication, usually do not give out scripts on the first visit, but he trusted me at the time and is now my regular GP. I wanted to come off the medication and we started my taper, this is when things went bad for me again, reducing it my mind started playing havoc again, thoughts swirling around non stop head feeling like it was spinning as well as feeling agro or frustration against small things creeping into my head, short with family and my 8-year-old daughter, I was going insane. I felt like I need to go live somewhere in the bush secluded and away from everyone, as I reflect, likely because I hated myself being this way to my daughter and family.
I went back to my GP and told him some details and was referred to a Psychiatrist in Queensland, who diagnosed me with severe OCD and anxiety. We tried another medication for a bit, and that wasn't working, just put me to sleep and tired all the time. I was then placed on another medication and remain on it, I did try dropping the dose, and my mind started racing once again. Being on this medication has helped tremendously in regards to the whirling and intrusive thoughts. I am also on other medication to help cope with work in a contact centre where you get abused most days. Am looking for new work in my primary field of expertise.

I have been off one particular medication now for about 3 weeks, so that is a win, GP said that this was likely masking some of my mental health issues as well so coming off this brought it out so we could then treat the proper symptoms.

Some days like today I want to go and bash something or break something. Have settled now and calmed down.

TY

[PamelaR]

Hi Ty and welcome

It's really great you found your way to our forums rather than doing something else. Obviously the writing down of how you have been and what you are feeling is a great way for you to help settle and calm down.

I'm not a health professional and can only share and support you with my own experiences. I've been lucky with my medication - have been only on 1 AD all these years. It seems to work effectively for me. But I do have a friend who had such difficult experiences with medication. Ones that worked or didn't work and the hassles she had to come off the old ones. It seemed like things were never going to work for her. But they did. Things settled.

The steps your GP is taking to work out your mental health condition is excellent way forward and I hope it helps you in the long run.

While the medication changes are happening - have you thought about things to help you manage, e.g. journalling (since writing seems to calm you), meditation, grounding, exercising. I'm sure your psychs have given you all these tools. But sometimes it is always good to get a refresher.

You're not alone TY. Feel free to browse and/or to search our website for stories that are similar to your own. You can do this by entering a keyword, e.g.

• medication changes
• anxiety
• OCD.

Alternatively you can browse the forums, e.g. -

• Anxiety
• Treatments, health professionals and therapies.

Hope of some of this helps TY. Keep reaching out if and when you want to. You're not alone.

Kind regards

PamelaR

[thebull]

Hi thanks Pamela for the reply. It can get scary at times thats for sure.

...Lost my train of thought........forgot what I was going to write. Dang anxiety medication side effect probably. Am also on something to help me get to sleep at night.

Still can’t think of it....grr

[thebull]

Oh forget my previous post I remember now.

I was going to say I have tried Psychologists as opposed to Psychiatrists and they just don’t seem to work for me. I can’t seem to build trust between me and a psychologists, and talk it out have tried a few different ones. I guess it probly stems from trust issues or they don’t believe what I am saying, this I guess it part of my problem as well.

I feel like I am not being believed, or they think I make things up, which I is likely not the case, but as yet haven’t found one I can talk to.

TY

[Nurse_Jenn]

Hi Ty,

Welcome to the beyondblue forum. It sounds like you are finding a good path towards your wellness and recovery despite so many challenges. It can be a really difficult journey with lots of hurdles and back steps as you describe but it sounds to me like you have a lot of motivation to find the right balance in your mental health. You have already taken some really important steps such as finding the right healthcare provider (sounds like a great GP), adjusting medications, prioritising your family and re-evaluating your career. Being abused everyday at a contact centre sounds incredibly stressful. I also know that looking for a new employer can also be stressful but worthwhile especially if you find a new job that is less stressful. Please acknowledge the strength it takes to do all these strategies and know that what you are going through is tough. You are doing an amazing job.

In response to your comments about finding the right psychologist, you have a great deal of insight into some of the reasons why you might not connect with one of the therapists you have seen. I always encourage people to keep trying. For some people it can take years to find the person who they are able to work with on setting goals and developing strategies towards managing and resolving symptoms. Sometimes it is not the therapist but the time in your life when you are 'therapy ready'. You can have the perfect person but if its not the right time, then its not right.

If you are ever looking for additional support and want to talk to someone on the phone, you can call the beyondblue support line on 1300 22 4636 where one of the friendly operators are happy to listen to you and encourage you to explore ways to reach your wellness goals. The beyondblue forum is also a great place to connect with like minded people and learn different ways in which people manage anxiety and OCD.

Wishing you the best possible outcome,

Nurse Jenn