Occupational "Mental" Therapist or DBT for persistant crushing work anxiety.

[Oystercatcher]

Hello,

35m, Metro Sydney.

Single, no kids and entirely self supported, I have struggled to stay in 1 entry level job for more than 8 months before quitting, for the last 10 years, always with a 4-8 month break in between roles from burnout/shame reasons. I completed the HSC and was at University in Engineering/International Studies but I couldn't complete the degree after 4.5 years. Maths, Applied Physics and Language classes were great experiences and classes I passed, but the soft skills group subjects and individual essay/report subjects made me feel like I was being dragged over glass/catatonic and stopped me from completing the degree (and 50k in HECS debt).

I am very lost on what work I should do in the future after 10 stagnant years, but I believe I can't give it a good crack until I can handle anxiety whilst being an employee. I have a poor sense of self at work, feel anxious sending most routine emails, have a unshakable feeling I'm being judged whilst I work (the same feeling I had when I was by myself trying to write an essay/report at university), have a catastrophic fear about making mistakes, internalized panic episodes,  struggle to ask for help, and am completely mind blinded/dissociated at various times in the work week when I feel stuck/helpless. The mind blindness/dissociation carries over into meetings and work reviews which makes it so hard to articulate my struggles at work to managers/bosses. All but one of these jobs I was told by my bosses that they didn't expect me to leave so early and that I was doing well. However by the 6-8 month mark, I am routinely waking up in the work morning experiencing a panic attack before I open my eyes and feeling so nauseas from that hit of panic and anxiety that I struggle to brush my teeth without triggering my gag reflex. My most recent job was my most demanding yet and was the first time I was fired after 8 months. Very kind and supportive company but the anxiety crept in for me and I was also vomiting from anxiety on my way home from work by the end.

I have no self harm/ideation tendencies and never had them. Separate Adult ADHD and Autism diagnosis. Looking for the best interpersonal help/panic resolution/workplace self agency help and don't know where to go to.

[Croix]

Dear Oystercatcher~

I'd like to give you a warm welcome here at the Forum. I'm glad you came as you have been having a very hard time for many years and frankly I think you have done a magnificent job in keeping on going for so long.

The problems you have faced have meant that despite your very best efforts, overcoming feelings of poor self esteem, panic attacks and being in such a distressed state you have been vomiting

It is no wonder that you have not been able to complete your course and have had a number of jobs, each of which you have had to leave to recuperate over the next few months.

I wonder if you have had medical support for these feelings, fears and symptoms? If not may I suggest you see a GP who has some knowledge of ADHD and Autism as well as mental health issues.

I would hope that would lead to more skilled specialist care to overcome or at least reduce all to a manageable level. I suffered from depression and anxiety and some of the things you have related strike a chord with me.

The reason I mention this is now I have been on the correct medication with the correct therapy for many years and my life has turned around. While still having to maintain the meds and therapy I'm a much happier, confident and more capable person.

Perhaps it might be that you have been unfortunate enough not to be in study or employment that actually suits you and you enjoy. From your words it seems pretty obvious that  there are some things you find hard to handle and maybe all have been present in your activities.

Apart from treatment have you given any thought to the type of job that might suit? Perhaps with less supervision and less pressure. I know it may be hard to get jobs in the first place and there may be a need to take whatever you can get however if you did think of anything it would be something to aim for.

May I ask if there is anyone in your life to give you support, a family member or friend perhaps? To continually face all these difficulties in isolation is especially hard and having someone who shows they care to talk with can make a real difference.

You know you will always be welcome here

Croix

[rebeccagiraffe]

Hey! Thanks for sharing your concerns and I’m very sorry this persistent challenge has been there for you in the workplace. I feel you wholeheartedly. It can be so challenging being neurodiverse and working in a 9-5 etc job. The cognitive load and demands of these environments often aren’t set up for people like us. 

I just wanted to reach and suggest that a mental health OT or DBT would both be helpful in these scenarios. I’m a MHOT and we work with people in these circumstances to set up strategies and systems, look at advocating for you at the workplace, make workplace adjustments where needed and just overall help to problem solve to build your confidence and performance skills. 

please be gentle with yourself and you begin the journey of making these adjustments or reaching out for help to help you do so. I hope you find some safety and balance when working and I wish you all the best 🙂