Hi,
I don’t exactly feel like I’m in some mental health crisis, but I want to see my school psychologist to address my general well-being which I have ignored for years. Here’s my situation:
1. I struggle to ask for help of any kind, since I was very little. I am a very shy person. The thought of raising my hand up in class makes me anxious and nervous. I think it comes from how I was raised up in my family, growing up despite meeting my physical cares, did not met my emotional needs. This in part probably stems from having a sibling who has high physical care needs than me, so in a sense I am lower maintenance. Also both parents grew up with parents that didn’t love them so I’m not surprised that they don’t understand how to provide adequate emotional support for me.
2. I find it hard to have close relationships with people. Often when I don’t have any classmates that I feel comfortable talking to, I just sit by myself. This is go back to when I was in year 5, where I struggled to get along with any one in my class as everywhere I would sit, people would get up and leave me with a whole table to myself. At some point in term 2, I got sick of seeing that multiple times a day, 5 times a week so I found a little spot with a bean bag and small table and sat there for the rest of year, which was how I coped.
3. I am always very negative and self-critical of myself. I’m not sure where that comes from.
4. I am always so tense whenever I play the violin in my violin lesson and it takes forever for me to settle. I’m not sure why I am like that. My teacher also notices this and I feel he’s genuinely concerned for me. He tells me that I am ‘safe’ when I play the violin and I play it well when I am not as tense. After only two years having lesson, he knows me better than anyone else that I have had in my life, in some respects even more than my parents.
5. I find it hard to set boundaries and tend to people please. Maybe this is why I sometimes feel ashamed for enjoying music, because I feel like it is somewhat of a burden to my mum. When I say that I am stressed or I’m not doing well at school, she will blame that I ‘focus on music too much’. She won’t talk to me for the rest of the day if I express that I am not mentally ok. During lockdown, sometimes one of my friends would text me to ask if I wanted to work with her during class, but even if I just wanted to be left alone, I would still give in to her.
Should I actually see a psychologist or talk to someone?
