New psychologist

[Marley]

Well I finally got to see my new psychologist.  It's a male this time but I feel quit comfortable with him.  So far so good.  I'm sure he is using CBT techniques but seems different approach to last lady.  Then again I've also done a lot of research on anxiety and treatments and mindfulness and meditation and thoughts and thinking.  It almost seems impossible to think I can retrain my brain.  I'm trying hard at so many things but old habits die hard.

Trying to be calm, take on a who cares attitude for me is very difficult especially with my kids.

Trying to turn off my thinking is very hard.  This guy seems to think things can be quite easily solved, perhaps in theory.  But all this week I've been having hot flushes with pounding head,  he says it is because my stress cup is full and that is he only way for my body to react.  It feels like it is worse, I don't feel like I am worried about anything it just seems to happen and it really bothers me, sometimes I even get the shakes.  I am thinking but doubt feel like I'm worried.

The supposed fight or flight response???  I feel so abnormal and like a freak.  I kind of told my hubby I was seeing someone. I tried to explain my feelings, I'm sure he thinks I've got a few screws loose.  Me too!  I'm so sick of feeling weird and having no control over these body responses.  

Anyone else like this?  Psycho assures me nearly every second person has stress and anxiety issues??..

[The_Real_David_Charles]

Dear Marley,

Haven't heard from you for a while.    Maybe the new male psychologist will help.  As you say, so far so good.

Adios, David.

[Carlo40H]

Hi Marley

I'm only a new member so I hope to give you some help as I've suffered from anxiety for years.

Usually I find  when I get Panic attacks deep breathing works like doing 9 medium breaths and at the end of each breathe call out a word or name of a person to distract your mind.

When you get to the 10th breath it has to be a really deep breath. 

Carlo

There are heaps of books out there that teach this stuff.

Nobody is a freak so I would persist with Psychotherapy ,meditation & reading good books on the subject like the one I've mentioned above. It's hard to switch off  an overthinking  mind  but I learnt  practice does make perfect. Thankfully I found a brilliant therapist years ago.

So persist with it & good luck,

[S_A_D_]

So many psychologists these days are expected to act like tutorers, teaching 1 on 1, and I can see from your post that you have learned many things about psychology. His other role is to help you apply what you're learning to your life. This part is much harder, and you need to be patient with each other. I know you're looking at the end result, to be healthy, and wishing you could teleport to your destination, but you need to accept that this is a pilgrimage, and sometimes you will be crawling, of collapse in exhaustion, or even slide backwards, but don't be discouraged. Look back at how far you've come and see that as your success story. Forget how far you still have to go, because it always looks further away than it actually is.

Keep talking about your feelings with your hubby, and with us. We're all here to support each other.

[Gav]

Heya Marley,

CBT is hard work and I agree, my psych talks like it's just following a few easy steps when to me it seems like painting a Rembrandt 😉  I truly believe we can change the way our brains react to our thoughts, anxiety and stress but it's something we need to practice daily. No-one can change the way they think in a few days but with constant practice we are teach our brains through repetition and those new pathways we have built in our brains will be the way we respond in most occasions. 

You seem to have good insight and that's a positive.  Researching and learning  allows the logical side of our brains to focus and in turn, dampens the emotional thought process.  It's a win/win in my books 🙂

Take Care,
Gav

[The_Real_David_Charles]

Dear Marley,

Some psychologists allow a session with both you and your partner.  It's good for communication and your partner will quickly realise that your problems have got to a point where help is needed.   He may even encourage more sessions after meeting the psychologist.   Remind you of the next counselling session !

My wife came to about 3 sessions over 8 years and my counsellor was very kind to her and one session I remember his interest in her was greater than me as he was interested in her research on Music and the Brain.  I think at one point I said "I might just get a cup of tea while you two are chatting so nicely". 

I'm sure a psychologist favours meeting your partner after having heard about him.   Depends on the level of acceptance and maturity.   And whether your partner doesn't feel threatened.  I'm trying to think of an equivalent scenario but can only come up having an ultrasound as a couple and the therapist giving you both the low down on the unborn child, the sex and the health.  A shared private moment with a specialist.

I have friend getting counselling for living with a depressive husband who is also an alcoholic and I really feel sad that she can't even tell him.   Maybe in that situation sharing has reached rock bottom.  But,where do we start ?   When I gave her details of my old counsellor I assumed it was for the depressed husband.  But he's not talking to their kids and locks himself up at night with a bottle.  At the end of the day you can only look after yourself and your family.

Adios, David.

[S_A_D_]

In my experience, I agree completely. Thanks David.

[Marley]

Hi again

I thought I would have a break from seeing psychologist for a few weeks because I was going weekly and things seemed to be going ok.  But now I feel like I'm almost back to my normal snappy self but I'm also trying to lose weight (which is going well).  The only issue is it always makes me grumpy and snappy.  I just needed to do something for myself which in the long term will make me feel better.

It is just so hard not to be grumpy with my kids.  I then start to feel down.  My mind is starting to whir again and this week feels overwhelming as my mother is moving yet again and expects help.

It just feels like it never ends....I finish one 'task' and it seems like another ten get added to the list.  Why does life constantly feel like a constant 'to do' list for me???

[The_Real_David_Charles]

Dear Marley,

What a change in you.  Normally a bit more upbeat.

Strange how some will compile lists and look forward to all tasks ahead and others will do anything not to be on a schedule and a mindless voyage to others demands.

I think the quitting or breaking from a counsellor (on the basis that you feel better or even "cured" is quite common.  Having people say "Been there, Done that" makes it worse.   You could always go once a fortnight.   It's not a problem for most therapists because they are bound to have someone else that also wants to quit but doesn't want to leave things a month apart.   So you end up sharing a regular spot.   I did this for 2 yrs once.

Adios, David.

[Marley]

Damn everything I just typed gone....

Anyway I can't be bothered typing it all again.  I compile lists so I don't forget to do stuff.  In some ways I hate them but in other ways I like them, it feels organised.

My psychologist is trying to help me take on a 'who cares' attitude to make me feel more relaxed and laid back....I'm really trying in some ways but old habits die hard.  He says one step forward and two back.  He seems to think I can get through this and be cured.  Cured is a strong statement, but I have the determination to keep trying.

I am using Medicare to see him so I didn't want to use up my visits quickly. He doesn't seem to mind about the appointments as he only visits this place a couple of days.  When I think of thins I think I need help dealing with, like how does one deal with a kid who keeps nag, nag, nag about something I am about to lose control and scream???  

Anyway, I was having these physical hot flushes in my face for no reason and again he says is because my stress levels are so high.  I HATE that I can't seem to control this physical reaction and I don't feel like am particularly stressed at the time.  It happens definitely when I am stressed but it is frustrating having no control, I don't want to feel this way.

I feel like the medication I take controls my moods very well, in that I used to often feel down or 'fed up' with life for no apparent reason, long before the sh*t hit the fan so to speak.  Now I don't seem to get these feelings only on the odd occasion and it is usually when they skies are grey and gloomy!  So is it wrong to stay on medication forever, I ask the GP if it helps?  I figure who cares?  No one really knows except me now.  To me it is just another pill I have to take. Mi don't question having to take BP tablets and other medication for my auto immune diseases so why worry?

Thanks for replying David, it's ice to know someone reads and actually thinks about what you say here.  I feel kind of better when I read what some other poor people go through, my issues are probably mild right now, but I certainly was down in that dark place once, it's to nice.