Major Depression - Medications versus healthier options

Badluck · ‎02-01-2015

Hi everyone.

This is my first time posting.

I've been dealing with a lot in my life. I had a rough violent childhood. I was brought up to not cry as a child. The more you cried, the more you got hit. Parents never believed in showing signs of affection.

Left home when I was 19 with the shirt on my back and started a life of my own.

I recently had been fired after being verbally

abused almost daily from an employer. I took one sick day in 5 years after being sent to hospital with my stress. This caused me to lose my job as I got dismissed the same day. After months of grief I have tried putting this behind me.

My family and

I have lost our family home, my company belongings including a car, and we are living off one income while I try and recover. I feel lost like I'm having a midlife crisis. I have gone from a professional in-control person to one that struggles with day to day activities or keeping concentration for short spans of time. I blame myself for the mess we are in and am not sure how to gain my focus back, to provide myself with goals and stop being an angry depressed person. It's not helping the family life.

My wife has been trying to support me for the past few months (although she has been doing it for 19 years now) but we are both struggling with the amount of medication I am being prescribed by the psychiatrist. I have received up to 8 different types of tablets in the last several months. All seem to provide severe memory problems, shaking, hot and cold sweats, loss of

sexual appetite (which doesn't help relationships), sleeplessness and violent tendencies with suicidal thoughts.

It's funny that the tablets that are prescribed to help you, cause more issues. I'm searching for alternate solutions please.

I'm trying acupuncture with massage that seems to help a little. I've thought of volunteering with organisations that work with

child abuse victims thinking that it might help me vent what I've been through and assist others but don't know how to get into this.

The psychiatrist is only interested in tablets and not discussing my issues. Psychologists have cried every time I've had a session and I've had 4 individuals so far. I take every vitamin under the sun to prop me up but it also isn't helping.

If anyone has any ideas I would be willing to give it a try. I've tried outdoor activities the other day but was assaulted by another man so I've since become a little more depressed.

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white knight · ‎03-01-2015

Hi badluck, welcome to Beyond Blue forums

I might suggest you use search to read this thread=

When all else fails what can you do? - be radical

That thread takes seriously the 5 or 6 issues surrounding us that has effect on our mental wellbeing....environment, toxic people, employment and the like.

Regards Tony WK

Ades · ‎11-01-2015

Hello 'badluck' - I relate with my own pain to a lot you have said, having suffered (as many have) with childhood abuse and neglect, lack of developmental supports etc. I was told I needed many strong drugs but my fear of the very side effects you name has always stopped me... so I suffer on, but I KNOW myself is the one suffering, and I'd rather that than to be someone I do not recognise, even in relieved state. I wanna be me - is my point. But who am I, and why do I suffer as you do - is the burning question and in any approach to rationalising and understanding our pain, as an alternate therapy to the drugs that are gauged to simply overrule feelings, we need to come to grips with what is the basis of the damage, what happened to us, what is the damage, how was it done, what can we do to alleviate and heal its effects etc. I am with you 100% on the issue that a person wants and needs acknowledgement and discussion of their issues ... all pain and hurt can be coped with but when it is so intangible and ill-defined and invisible to others, is very hard - so we need a mechanism for seeing into our 'guts' so to speak. I do also stress that there can be risks and dangers in looking and learning about the pain-source and some may not have the fortitude, so always it seems a good idea to have a professional in support. But to conclude this rambling comment, my first specific is to say I suffer the blackest of days, have done for decades, in waves - not unusual - BUT my approach is to treat it like bad weather and do nothing or very little when the storm is at its worst so to speak ... the reason for this resolution is I have found keeping still was at first needed for my own safety - then was valuable for my ability to really hear and feel and know my emotional patterns and issues. I have had very minimal support in last 2 years for first time - from a psychologist who used a marvellous therapy called 'family constellations' which allowed me to express a lot of feelings I never thought I'd be able to - and helped me a lot depsite my intelligent mind seeing it all as a bit silly. I also must tell you of a great man, who has your story to tell you - but it will hurt and make you weep I suspect - but he has a marvellous manner and will bring comfort and self empowerment - do find John Bradshaw series "Homecoming" - a US TV show - and download or buy the disks - very potent and uncanny insight and with self help you may turn much around -maybe rename as "goodluck"

gibby3794 · ‎11-01-2015

hi badluck welcome to beyond blue

i have found medication bad as i was taking way to much (1 months worth of talets in 1 week as i was taking them before work during break and after work without realising until i went to get a refil and they told me i still had 3 weeks to go)

i have since started going to the gym (to put on weight) and i find it helps a lot

also just try and keep busy things like cleaning the house, doing the shopping kids errands etc will keep your mind off things, the days i dont do anything i feel a lot worse than the days im busy all day.

hope this helps a bit

Badluck · ‎18-01-2015

Thanks for the reply Ades. I've tried secluding myself from other people and my family when I feel depressed as I tend to get very snappy (not abusive though). Seems to ensure I don't say things I'll regret to others. Family constellations sounds interesting. I'd like to know more if you can share thanks. I will look for the Homecoming series. Anything that can help me understand why I am going through this mess will definitely help.

Nice hearing from you.

Badluck · ‎18-01-2015

You are right Gibby. I had one good day a couple of days ago where I went for a walk, cycled and did situps, pushups and some light weights at home and felt good about myself. Hadn't been to the gym in over a year. Went bushwalking 2 days ago and also felt great being outdoors. Just need to get myself motivated to do so I guess. Cleaning the house will take a bit more motivation though. He he.

Thanks for the ideas.

Beltane · ‎18-01-2015

I went through 6 different antidepressants, 3 therapists and various alternative treatments including 2 naturopaths, 2 chinese medicine practitioners, 3 psychiatrists and countless GP's before I found the treatment that works (and boy, it works well).

Long story short, I got a new GP, we found out my liver wasn't metabolising certain medications properly due to a genetic enzyme deficiency.
I got a wonderful psychologist, and we realised I actually had bipolar 2, not depression. It requires completely different treatments. Together this information led us to the bipolar drug I'm on now. It has completely changed my life in wonderful wonderful ways.

In only a few short months since starting this drug, my life bares no resemblance to what it was even a year ago. The severe life-destroying depression, disabling anxiety, unbearable mood swings and associated destructive behaviours are a thing of the past. Even though its been months, I still wake up everyday endlessly grateful for the wonderful things I have now, all thanks to this treatment.

I study now and am getting the highest grades and am ahead in my studies. I can work my dream career when i finish my studies. I have a healthy long-term relationship with a wonderful man (who stuck by my side through the long path to get here). These are all things Ive never been able to have in the past, because i was far too unwell mentally.

I'm thankful every day that I kept persevering and eventually found a treatment that not only works but has enabled me to live a life I once could barely dream of having. What i'll never take for granted is how it feels to be stable, calm, content, and able to cope with life's troubles.
Ive never had those feelings before, nor have I understood before how other people lived stable, content lives with goals and dreams to work for. Now I understood because I have those things too, and the coping skills to achieve them.

i hope this story gives you some hope that there is a solution for you- whether its medical, psychological, spiritual, alternative- whatever it is, there is one that will help you.
Dont give up, there is hope. Something will work for you and you'll be able to live the life you want to live. This is all temporary- there is a happy ending, it just might be a bit of a rocky path getting there.

gibby3794 · ‎19-01-2015

hi badluck hope youve been doing well, yeah the cleaning the house bit takes a fair bit of motivation, although over the weekend i have been noticing a lot of things that need doing around the house and really want to get them all done during the week along with my normal cleaning etc and im sure as i do these things i will notice other things that need doing as well haha

Badluck · ‎19-01-2015

Hi Gibby.

I woke up today with a bit of motivation. Actually feel better after having people chat to me online. My wife has been trying to do a white board chart for me with list of things to do. I don't always find myself crossing them all off the list but it certainly helps. Mainly because I don't want to let her down.

One of the things on there today is take the dog for a walk.

Trying to get my taxes ready at the moment though as I'm very late with them. So stress levels are pretty high and I have exams to do in a couple of weeks for Uni which I'm panicky about.

Will be dropping my subjects from 4 units down to one though as I can't handle the stress.