Issue with psychologist

[LilyR]

Sorry for the long story ...

I decided to change psychologists after I realised that I had developed feelings for him (the whole transference thing I guess). Anyway, I went back to my doctor and she gave me a referral to see a new psychologist. I’ve had five sessions with her. She’s nice and seems to enjoy what she does which is great. My anxiety hasn’t really improved so I’m not sure whether I’ll continue to see her. I’m starting to think that perhaps me developing feelings for my first psychologist has kind of ‘ruined me’ when it comes to seeing a psychologist if that makes sense. Anyway, yesterday I found out (not through any choice of my own) that my current psychologist knows my old psychologist. They use to work together and I’m assuming they’re friends. Before I found this out I told my current psychologist all about how I developed feelings for my old psychologist. She asked me who he was and so I told her. We talked about it quite a bit. Now I’m extremely embarrassed and feel like an idiot. I feel as if she should have told me that she knows him/used to work with him and should have suggested that I see someone else considering their relationship. Am I being silly? I’m kind of angry with her because I was extremely nervous about going to see a new psychologist and telling them all about my embarrassing feelings. I’m worried that she’s told my old psychologist the things that I told her. Am I right in feeling this way or am I being ridiculous? Any suggestions would be appreciated. Thank you.

[blondguy]

Hi LilyR

Great to see you again and no apologies necessary at all! You are not being silly in any way. Whether or not your new psychologist has had a chat with your previous psychologist is really not a concern as they have a strict code of ethics to abide by where the privacy act is concerned

Your health and well being is paramount as you know. It can take several visits before you start to have some peace in your life.

I understand as we have spoken before LilyR and I really hope you can stick with your current psychologist. Your feelings for your previous psychologist are not a factor where you recovery is concerned.

You are one of many people that have developed feelings for their therapist. You are one of many LilyR

You are not alone and please do post back when its convenient for you 🙂

my kind thoughts

Paul

[Croix]

Dear LilyR~

Having those feelings for your original psychologist was a bar to your progress, you were no doubt thinking about htat, and that took your mind away from the therapy.

I've no idea if it was a good or bad move to change to another. I do know a coupe of people here have been in the same situation and spoken up, and it has been handled professionally and worked out OK.

So what does all that say? Well first I guess it is a pretty common thing, after all it is an intensely personal relationship, no failing on your part, just happenstance.

It also means of course that as it is common then therapists and other medical professionals are faced wiht this situation quite often, and have to have professional ways of handling it, often with the whole thing being to the client's advantage.

I'd be more than surprised if your current therapist mentioned the details of you case to anyone, it simply is not professional conduct, and just about all professionals not only genuinely want to do the right thing, but can face draconian measures if they depart from accepted practices.

I see no reason why she should have said she knew the person involved, or barred herself. If in doubt seek an assurance your words will remain confidential. And you are no idiot, a bit embarrassed maybe, but being a warm person attracted to others is no bad thing.

Can I suggest you simply see how it goes? I'd expect the emphasis of your sessions will move to other areas soon enough

Croix

[Nurse_Jenn]

Hi LilyR,

Great to see you reaching out on the beyondblue forum and seeking advise about your mental health care. The fact that you are taking care of yourself by assuring you get the best possible treatment is really fantastic.

As far as your situation goes with your psychologist, I have to agree with Croix that most health practitioners abide by strict confidentiality policies when they practice. You can imagine the chaos it would cause if health practitioners didn't practice in this way. As a mental health nurse, I would never share details of a patient to another health practitioner unless it was authorised by the patient to do so. In other words you would have to give consent for your health information to be shared with another practitioner.

Many mental health professionals know each other and are colleagues who practice in the same circles but this doesn't mean that they would be discussing your case. If you want to continue to progress treatment with your current psychologist, you might actually bring up your concerns so you can work through them together. If you don't feel satisfied with how that goes, then maybe start looking for another psychologist.

I really want to acknowledge that you are taking active steps towards reducing your anxiety despite having some difficult times with your previous and current psychologist and this shows a great deal of strength. If you need to vent and talk to someone about your situation further, don't hesitate to continue to reach out on the beyondblue forum or you could talk to someone on the phone anytime on the beyondblue support line on 1300 22 4636

I look forward to hear about how you go at your next appointment.

Wishing you the best possible outcome,

Nurse Jenn

[LilyR]

Hi,

I’m after some advice relating to my psychologist. I started seeing her because I developed feelings for my old psychologist - I was too embarrassed to talk to him about it so I thought that it would be better to start afresh and talk to someone else about it. I wouldn’t have worried but he was constantly on my mind and I was going a bit crazy so I thought I’d better get some help.

My new psychologist is lovely but after six sessions she asked me whether I wanted to continue because she thought she wasn’t helping me and I wasn’t progressing. Like I said, she’s really nice but I felt as if she was kind of giving up a bit. Surely six sessions isn’t heaps? I don’t want to sound rude or anything and I realise that I’m reluctant to talk about my feelings - it’s just the kind of person I am. I try my hardest but I’m not the type of person to even talk to my friends and family about personal things let alone a complete stranger. I asked whether I could write her an email that she could read before I saw her next because I’m better at writing things down compared to talking about them. I thought that it might help me bring particular things up with her. She thought it was a great idea. So I wrote an email that contained some really uncomfortable things in it. I was scared to send it but I sucked it up and did it. The day before my appointment I chickened out and left her a voice message to cancel my appointment. I tried to push the uncomfortable feelings aside but I was too nervous and anxious. I honestly thought that she would ring me or at least send me a reassuring email but I haven’t heard from her and it’s been a month. I don’t really know what I was expecting but I was expecting something. I feel a bit down about the whole thing because it took a lot for me to send the email as it contained some things that I haven’t told anyone else (only my old psychologist). I understand that she’s busy, has heaps of other clients and has a life outside of her work but I’m disappointed. Am I being silly? I feel like I am but at the same time I’m annoyed. I realise that I cancelled the appointment but I feel that she could at least sent me a short email saying ‘thanks for the email, I understand this is hard for you, contact me if you change your mind.’ Has anyone else experienced this or something similar? Thanks.

[Croix]

Dear LilyR~

I'm glad you came back to talk about this, it's a friendly environment and a lot of us have had problems relating or opening up to medical personnel.

I guess I too would be disappointed at getting no reply, however one of the comforting things about a relationship with a therapist is that you are the boss.

It must have caused you a great deal of soul searching and anxiety to open up even in an email, which was a brave thing to do.

Unfortunately things got the better of you at the last minute and you exercised your right to cancel.

As this psych had not felt helpful in those six sessions and you had already left another perhaps this new one did not think she was capable of helping you as she would have liked and was prepared for things to come to an end anyway. A a result there is no guarantee she would have even read the email and simple just got the cancellation message.

(Many would read things just before the appointment so it was fresh in their mind.)

It seems a pity to me that you went to all the effort of the rather difficult email and now it is in limbo.

What do you think is the best thing to do? You could contact the psych and explain the pressure it put you under but want to continue on a new basis being more open, starting with the email.

You could seek out another and give them the letter, or of course do nothing (I'd not recommend that, if you need help then you need help).

6 Sessions is a fair bit, for two reasons, firstly the psych -and you - will have some idea how things are going, and secondly it is the point at which the other 4 annually permitted visits can be authorized (it is not automatic).

I do hope you do get assistance and are able to be frank. without the right information the right treatment cannot be given

What do you feel?

Croix

[romantic_thi3f]

Hi LilyR,

It sounds like you're getting some wonderful support from the forums already but I read your post and just thought I'd chip in.

I can see how you're feeling annoyed and disappointed at your psychologist not checking in or writing an email back. As a therapist in training though, I can also see why your psychologist decided not to reply. It absolutely doesn't mean that she doesn't care; I think it was a really conscious choice. By deciding not to show up, you took the reins in on your appointment - and you have every right to do that. But it also means that your psychologist wasn't able to talk about that email with you; how you felt while writing it, what it brought up and what it meant for her to read what you said - and also what to do from here. Sending an email like "oh thanks for that, take care" just does not do it justice.

I feel like she's probably leaving the ball in your court. If you're ready to go back and see her I'm sure she'd be happy to work with you and go over the email, and if you decide that it's too much right now - then she will give you your space.