Id rather see my therapist over a coffee

[Sometimes_braveheart]

I have a trauma therapist who I believe in, and who is a similar age to me, but as usual, I find incredibly hard to open up to. This goes for the very few doctors/therapists I have ever seen. I sometimes think if we were having a chat and coffee in some cafe (like friends do) I would be able to tell her a whole lot more about whats going on. It all seems too overwhelming in her rooms. So, inevitably this will run its course. I will get more and more scared of disappointing her, because I cant say anything, and/or making her mad at me, of thinking that maybe she only cares because I pay her to, and then I'll miss a few appointments and just leave. Of course I would hope I'd never abandon my friends like that. Maybe I could just pretend she is my friend when I'm in her office, and see if that makes a difference. Why is this therapist being a friend thing so unethical? Can you see my dilemma here????

[geoff]

dear Braveheart, point taken.

How about you organise with her to either have her first appointment at a coffee cafe*, or maybe at lunch time what ever suits the both of you.

Having her last appointment could be difficult because normally they are always running late, and this could be frustrating for yourself.

Or you could have it in their kitchen, but you would be interrupted and the conversation will be start stop, try again, then stop, it's not a good idea. Geoff.

[The_Real_David_Charles]

Dear Braveheart,

I would follow Geoff's advice and splice the session in to a less formal setting.  Most therapists are very patient and won't hassle your for answers of thoughts so the cafe idea is a good fit.

Personally,  I've never heard of a therapist being "disappointed" or "getting mad" at a person seeking help.  Why would they ?   It's interesting you worry about just paying her to get communication (like a prostitute) because it's like saying that the money is controlling the outcome.  Whereas it's YOU.   You book the appointment, not the money.

I had a counsellor for a long time which got to the stage where I would take a cup of tea into the session and we took turns to supply a chocolate slice.  It was very social and hard to tell where the idle chat stopped and the issue related communication started.    You probably won't believe this but my first time with this counsellor I got there early and had a slash in the toilet block next to a guy from the building.  Something about his manner and the dress code made me ask "You must be the counsellor ?" (there were 12 offices on that level).  And he was !

It might take you months to feel comfortable but getting to the sessions is probably more important.   Your subconscious will process the session for a few days.  Did you ever get out the DVD "Good Will Hunting" with Matt Damon, Ben Affleck and Robin Williams as the counsellor ?  In a stand off during sessions Matt Damon's character goes to a few court directed times and keeps absolutely silent.  It transcends into other moments but the point is it's OK to be awkward and "incredibly hard to open up".   There's nothing wrong with that.  The money and the time are nothing.  If you live till 70 a 1 hr session represents less than a 1/60,000th of your life.  And this is what you're worried about ???

Adios, David.

[Kitt]

Hey Braveheart,

It sounds like anxiety is pretty high just going into that situation. Maybe you could try writing out pretty much what you have posted here and hand the letter over to your therapist so that they can help you get past that stage? They are the professional and should be able to make it easier on you. 

Cheers, Kitt