Do or die

Sadlady · ‎18-12-2018

Hi Everyone

I'm new to this and I don't know exactly how to start but I'll give it a go. I'm struggling with depression, anxiety and ptsd. This year has been the toughest I've ever had and I've had a few. I was diagnosed with a terminal illness and told that I have only months to live. That was 6mnths ago. Now I'm still here but fair from living. I can't do anything for myself and have had to move in with my son. I hate being a burden to my children and I hide my depression ect. As I have always Been a strong woman and brought my kids up on my own. While also working full-time. I guess I have to say I really need to deal with how I'm feeling and hopefully this is the start of that.

White_Rose · ‎21-12-2018

Hello Nikki

Thanks for telling us more about yourself. It is a pity you have only one son near you but that cannot be helped. No need to worry about joint replies, we are all happy to receive group replies.

My mom died on Christmas Day 1999. I did not get a chance to say goodbye because she was in England and I am in Oz. Her death was from a minor fall leaving a pensioner's Christmas party and incompetent care, including inappropriate medication, until she was so ill she was transferred to a major hospital. None of which I knew about until she had gone. I did get to her funeral and my daughters came with me. They of course knew her from her visits to Oz and the time they had spent in England.

This is why I was determined to be with my sister when I knew she losing her battle. She struggled for 11 years which is a long time for ovarian cancer. In the end she was too tired to face anymore surgery or chemo. This was when chemo was pretty rugged and people often died as much from the chemo as the cancer. I discovered Pauline wrote poetry and wanted to get them published but did not know how. I promised I would arrange it and brought them back to Oz. I went through a self-publishing company. I arranged for copies for her daughter and other family members to be sent to England as well as giving copies to my children. The book is a treasure to me.

I look at some of mom's possessions and my sister's and often have a chat with them. You can do these things when you are getting old. 😊It's good to remember the times we had together. To help you through the long days when you are alone how do you feel about writing about your life? You can talk about your children growing up and tell stories about them (The more embarrassing the better 😊) Also tell the story of your life. You have faced so many challenges and come through and although your family may know about these they probably do not know how you managed, what you did, how you felt etc.

These are the details that are so important. I have been compiling my family history for many years but it is the personal stories that make it come alive. Unfortunately I cannot speak to many of my ancestors so I rely on the stories my mom used to tell. They have helped me trace many relatives.

This may help to counteract your depression a little. I know you cannot write much at a time, but maybe a few entries. I would be thrilled to have received this from my mom.

I hope I have given you a few ideas to help you along.

Mary

cheesysadusername · ‎23-12-2018

hello, I'm new here but I found your post really hit home. I also struggle with anxiety, depression and PTSD. however, your unfortunate diagnosis has really made me think about how I spend my time. I'm still struggling greatly so I can't say I know all the answers but I do suggest making a bucket list of sorts, starting out with small stuff, like go on a bike ride or see an old friend etc. make the very most of the time you have left, leave behind the legacy you wish to be remembered and even though it's hard, push your limits. much love and support xx

White_Rose · ‎26-12-2018

Dear cheesysadusername

Hello and welcome to the forum. When our depression and any other illness hits us it is a struggle to work hard on getting well again. Small steps make a huge difference. Trying to do everything at once does not work and may make you feel so dispirited that you give up on everything. Perhaps you can set yourself a routine for getting up or any other part of the day and follow that until it becomes a habit.

If you would like to start your own thread and talk about your life you will find others responding to you. However, you are welcome to continue here and I am sure Nikki will agree with me.

Mary

White_Rose · ‎26-12-2018

Hello Nikki

How are you going? Did you spend yesterday with family? I do hope so. Christmas is about family.

Haven't heard from you for several days and wanted to see how you are managing. Can you drop us a line?

Mary

Sadlady · ‎03-01-2019

Hi everybody

I can't Thankyou enough for all support and advise. It's been very great. I am also very thankful that a few have shared there experience with me. You are truly amazing people in the fact that though your own pain and suffering you still have a little more to give. You all are very strong even if you don't feel it right now. I will take on some of your advise and have started getting my day planned for but I have been thankful suggestions going to take it easy at first. I've had a good but sad Christmas knowing it may be my last. I'm hoping you all had a good Xmas and new-year hope to hear back from you all soon

blondguy · ‎03-01-2019

Hello Sadlady

Thank-you for your super kind and complimentary post!

You are incredibly strong for taking the time to write and also reply to the members above

If I may mention that I am so very tired of people blaming cigarettes where emphysema or a breathing illness is concerned. It is plain ignorance, and as you mentioned there is a specific genetic predisposition that can leave people with this vile illness whether they have smoked or not

Its really good to meet you Nikki and I'm sorry that I missed your opening thread topic on the 18th

my very kind thoughts and I hope you can post back when its convenient for you

Paul

Sadlady · ‎22-01-2019

Hi everybody, I'm really really struggling at the moment. As physical health has gotten so had the I'm basically bed ridden and even then I'm not getting any real relief with my inability to breath. I'm so depressed and I constant state of utter panic. To make to worse I'm not going any support or the right care. As my children all need there jobs to survive. I just give up as what can I do I can't sleep properly and then I have to get to see my doctor who just shrugged my depression and dire anxiety away. I'm so so angry that a human is being treated this way I'm at my wits end

Nurse_Jenn · ‎22-01-2019

Dear Nikki

I have read through this thread and I first want to acknowledge how brave you are for sharing your story and reaching out. On the beyondblue forum you will definitely find different avenues of support and I encourage you to continue to use the forum regularly as an outlet for how your feeling.

Having depression and anxiety is really common and there are many avenues of support out there. My first recommendation is usually go to see your GP and make an appointment to gain a mental health care plan - this way you can access a psychologist. However, it sounds like your GP is not supportive. I have heard a few others on the forum recommend you access a different GP and I wonder if you and your son are able to arrange this? Are there any other GPs in your community that you could see? If there is not, another option could be to bring your son in as an advocate along with you to a GP appointment that is booked specifically for your mental health and gain a mental health referral.

As you have indicated you are palliative in the stage of your illness, I also wonder if you have be referred to a palliative care team? They are generally very supportive to people who are at the end stage of life and can offer referrals to counselling or other services in your community. This of course depends on your location.

These referral processes and appointments can all take time and in your last message, it sounds like you need some immediate support. No matter what stage of life you're in, severe depression can be life threatening and in my opinion can be an emergency. When you son arrives home today, I would advise that you take a trip to your local hospital and get assessed again and indicate strongly that you are having low mood & panic symptoms and are not physically able to care for yourself. This should then trigger some in home care support at a minimum as well as a referral to mental health services. If you are not comfortable taking this path, I would definitely at the bare minimum contact Lifeline 13 11 14 or the beyondblue support line 1300 22 4636. I understand that talking due to breathlessness would not be easy but worth the call. Having anxiety and depression during the last part of your life can be improved with the right support.

In collaboration with your son, make a GP appointment or go to the Emergency Department or make the call to Lifeline or beyondblue. You are worth it.

Wishing you the best possible outcome,

Nurse Jenn

White_Rose · ‎22-01-2019

Dear Nikki

Thank you for keeping us up to. I am so sorry you are having such bad time. May I ask, do you live in the city or out in the country. I think this is what Nurse Jenn was referring to with the availability mental health and palliative care services. Country people tend to miss out services such as these because it is a relatively small population. Not a good enough reason in my opinion.

I do urge you to take Jenn's suggestions on board as much as possible. If there is another GP in your area ask your son to make an appointment, preferably a double appointment and perhaps he can go in with you and speak when you are having difficulties breathing. She then need only to nod to indicate that's what you want to say. Even so I am sure it will be difficult and tiring but you are so strong.

The other suggestion is to go A&E at your local hospital. If there is no to take you then call an ambulance. Having had a couple of trips to hospital with the paramedics I can tell you how absolutely wonderful they are. I have another suggestion for to talk to someone, again acknowledging how difficult it is to speak a great deal. I suggest contacting the Suicide Call Back Service. Please don't let the name put you off and I hope you understand why I make this suggestion. They are very good and have the requisite training. I have spoken with them as have many people on BB. They are so caring and comforting as I discovered when I first phoned them.

Contact details. 1300 659 467 available 24/7.

You can also browse their website at https://www.suicidecallbackservice.org.au/ They do offer online counselling and if you were interested phone them on the above number and talk about it. I am so sorry that all I can offer is people to contact as I know how much difficulty you have breathing. These people are worth the effort.

If you find another GP ask about in-home care and support. A lady in your situation should be cosseted and cared for not left to her own devices all day. Not a comment about your son as I realise his needs to earn his living. You can also contact My Aged Care if you are over 65. They will come to see you and offer the services you need. I know this because Sunday was not only my birthday but it was my 75th birthday. I had not needed help before. My family and friends came on Sunday to help me celebrate. My daughters took over the kitchen etc.. I have to say I was pleased when they left as by then I was very tired. However it was a beautiful day.

Mary

Sadlady · ‎23-01-2019

Hello Mary thank you so so much for advice and guiding me through some the serves that you have recommended. Ice taken on bored. I'm not to sue what to do about seeing another Dr as I havee been too that