Difficulties Understanding Treatment

[P12]

Counsellors and psychologists to whom I have spoken have told me to identify my long term goals and strive for their achievement. But my attempts have been unsuccessful because I lack the practical skills for achievement and that has caused me greater dissatisfaction than before I attempted to achieve the goals. What is the reason for this strategy and why are counsellors and psychologists unwilling or unable to give me practical advice?

I identified the technical topic most interesting to me, looked for collaborators, and asked for support to pursue my interest. I found only two people in Australia with similar interests and believe they are unwilling to collaborate with me because by discrediting me their circumstances will improve. The feedback I received about my requests for support is that the topic is not relevant to society. Instead I am expected to perform a job for which I am imperfect and therefore I am excluded because my processes and ideas are different to the industry. Is it true that society's objective is for greater normality and what is the reason for such a strange aspiration? Why does society reject people who are different? Why does society not allow me to pursue my individual interests and talents? What is the purpose of living if society has no use for my talents and the role that society would have me fulfil causes me trauma?

I was told that independence will not cause me long term satisfaction. Yet, as I have tried unsuccessfully for more than ten years to form a friendship, I question this assertion. The prevailing strategy suggested to me for gaining friends is to participate in activities I enjoy as there I am most likely to meet others with similar interests and beliefs. What is the purpose of living if society directs me to one outcome but it cannot provide the means to achieve that outcome? Surely independence is a far more effective solution.

I'm pretty sure I am lonely. I would like to have a friendship or at least feel welcome in society. But my efforts never seem to work. People make suggestions but I must be special because they don't work for me. The harder I try, the more independent I become, because my methods appear stranger to others, and the less liked I become. I really don't understand the society in which I live. I wish I wasn't so sad.

I often cry uncontrollably and am unable to sleep when I realise I will not achieve my desires and there is nothing I can do about it. My life is apparently meaningless.

[P12]

I received a setback this week when a Disability Employment Services organisation I enquired with in January and applied to in February declined my application. I meet the eligibility criteria for the Work Assist programme but the organisation said they were unwilling to work with me. I believe the programme is entirely funded by the Australian government. They also said other DES organisations would be the same. I am trying to receive support about workplace environments.

[Croix]

Dear P12~

My apologies for the delay in getting back to you, I had to go sample hospital food for a while 😞

I would imagine from what you have said in the past that you may be regarded as a complex case by some DES organisations. they are of course paid on placements, not necessarily quite so much for working with people. Thus the 'quick fix' establishments may be reluctant to take on a complex case, only the very worth-while ones would be prepared to do so.

So like many thing I guess it is a question of keeping on trying and seeing refusals are not personal but just the way part of the world has shortcomings.

You did say you would like support concerning workplace environments, did you have anything in particular in mind?

Croix

[SucculentQueen]

Hi P12,

I have read 10 pages of your thread and plan to read the rest sometime soon. I wanted to duck in at this point to say hello and to also thank you for sharing your life and emotional/mental health story. You have a wonderful skill in connecting words to convey complex concepts and thoughts into succinct writings that even an anxious brain like my own can clearly comprehend. Are you aware you can do this or of how well you write?

Summer Rose has provided you with some excellent and wise suggestions and you are so lucky to receive their support. I very rarely get a reply to my posts which were few (and disappeared when they re-jigged the website a year or two ago). Further to writing, I feel you could possibly have a natural ability to conduct research and write up reports. What do you think?

Wishing you continued success in working through this area of health.

[P12]

Hello SucculentQueen, thank you for your kind compliments, and I hope you are feeling well.

Some others, including Summer Rose on this forum, have commented on my writing ability. I suppose I do have a relatively good talent at thinking about abstract topics then explaining how they are relevant to everyday life. Yes, I love studying nature and writing about my ideas and insights.

I too have noticed that the forum appears to be less active now than when I first began using it. However, I think that if you are patient and persistent you can find feedback from other members. Sometimes not receiving a reply is feedback itself. If you are seeking immediate replies I could suggest some other ways to obtain them.

I would be glad to chat with you if you like. I think it's ok to feel a bit unsure about life. I believe that if someone works very hard on something that is meaningful to them they will make progress, and usually it requires both self-determination and help from others. I feel I have improved in the past eight years though I realise some challenges may be with me for my whole life and I am continuing to try to overcome them to make my life more sustainable.

[P12]

Recently I have been feeling depressed and lonely. Three weeks ago I sustained an injury which has caused me to need crutches for close to two weeks in order to move. I am socially isolated because I haven't been able to meet other people, and I was hoping that social connection will make me feel better. I think it has been made worse by my chronic difficulty in social understanding and a rough previous few months. 

I have a new appointment with my clinical psychologist in two weeks. Here is what I have focused on since my previous meeting three months ago:

- I have made an error by believing that I am an outsider. I have low self-esteem because I am telling myself that there is something wrong with me. Everyone has differences.

- Use both techniques of a) lowering my expectations and ignoring evidence. b) work on improving specific skills to help me achieve my goals rather than high level skills.

Here are the outcomes of my most recent meeting with my social coach:

- I think I am struggling to process my experience that obtaining a friend is incredibly difficult and therefore I am weighing up whether to continue trying. It seems that the human condition greatly seeks social connection, but the evidence suggests it is adverse to the human condition.

- With a few small exceptions I can do anything I want in / with nature, but I will need to do it alone. With some more exceptions I can do what I want with other people if I pay for it. It is much harder to do what I want with other people for free.

- She said that compromises are a large part of friendships. I think I never understood social contract theory and I really have difficulty understanding why I cannot find someone who is like me.

Here are the outcomes of my recent five meeting with a speech pathologist:

- Our sessions seemed to focus less on speech and more on social interaction than I expected.

- Social interaction is a mixture of behaving naturally and acting. The problem I apparently face is that very few people like me as I am naturally but I become exhausted by acting as I am not.

- I apparently have a naturally quiet body and voice.

- One approach is to persist with my efforts regardless of what others think or do. I can focus on and prepare for social situations with maximum effort, assess whether they are likely to help me or not, and plan what I will say and how I will act to maximise the chance of positive interaction. It requires me to hope that eventually I might succeed in my short life.

- A second approach (if I don't believe in acting unnaturally) is to simply accept that I will not have a friend because it is adverse to my human condition. But I will be lonely.

- A third approach is to try to force my brain to be more flexible so that I can do both approaches at once.

- She said life is a constant exercise about trying to make money and determining how to spend it in order to receive most value. Since I didn't notice much change I thought I would like to have a break for a while to save my money for somewhere to live and food to eat.

[Croix]

Dear P12~

I rather like your ironic last statement about saving money in your post above:)

I'm sorry to hear you were injured and had to use crutches, they are a most awkward way of getting around. I use them occasionally and find I can't even carry a up of coffee wihtout spilling it, even with the type of crutches that grip the elbow and leave the hand free.

I hope you no longer need them

Perhaps I  misunderstand your intent. Friendship, or even simple acquaintance is not really a mechanistic transaction - they do this so I must do that.

Similarly actively looking for a friend, rather than simply being open to the idea is quite possibly going to have disappointing results. In fact if it leads to rejection or indifference too often it can indeed lower one's self esteem, making contact harder in the future.

Friendship is two person enjoying each others company and for me has happened by happenstance, not deliberate intent. I go my way and do what I need to do, or that which I find interesting and sometimes I'll strike someone else with whom it is a pleasure to talk. This can in turn lead to friendship, though the number I'd consider deep friendships is small.

You have an alert mind, write well, have a sense of irony and also interests, even if you say thay are not shared by many. Can this be enough to be getting on with?

If I'm missing the point or being unrealistic please feel free to sing out

Croix

[P12]

Thanks for your feedback Criox. I am sad that I think I honestly don't understand despite how hard I try.

[Croix]

Dear P12~

Now I"m confused, is it the psychologists and their versions of therapy you do not understand or my pointing out you've done your best to sort out your your work, and it is time to think of other things?

Croix

[P12]

Hi Croix,

I apologise for being brief because I am not feeling well psychologically recently. I meant that I am sad because I would like to have a friend and I don't understand how to make one. I noticed your message suggested that I simply might never make one and that made me sadder. I also apologise if these are sarcastic questions. I was told that my mental illness means I fundamentally don't understand social phenomenons.

[Croix]

Dear P12~

I think I need to write more clearly, it was not my intention to imply you would never have a friend, simply that going out specifically looking for one may not work. In my own case friendship has come from doing the things I needed or wished to do and finding people in the process - serendipity if you like.

As an example I became a Community Champion to help others, not to find friends. However over time I have found three other Champs whom I have regarded as close friends.

So please do not give up on the idea of having one or more friends in the future. As I think I mentioned before friendship is a two-way process, you do not need to understand social phenomena, the any lack of understanding may be seen by a potential friend who can compensate for that -something that can become part of friendship.

Croix