Difficulties Understanding Treatment

[P12]

Counsellors and psychologists to whom I have spoken have told me to identify my long term goals and strive for their achievement. But my attempts have been unsuccessful because I lack the practical skills for achievement and that has caused me greater dissatisfaction than before I attempted to achieve the goals. What is the reason for this strategy and why are counsellors and psychologists unwilling or unable to give me practical advice?

I identified the technical topic most interesting to me, looked for collaborators, and asked for support to pursue my interest. I found only two people in Australia with similar interests and believe they are unwilling to collaborate with me because by discrediting me their circumstances will improve. The feedback I received about my requests for support is that the topic is not relevant to society. Instead I am expected to perform a job for which I am imperfect and therefore I am excluded because my processes and ideas are different to the industry. Is it true that society's objective is for greater normality and what is the reason for such a strange aspiration? Why does society reject people who are different? Why does society not allow me to pursue my individual interests and talents? What is the purpose of living if society has no use for my talents and the role that society would have me fulfil causes me trauma?

I was told that independence will not cause me long term satisfaction. Yet, as I have tried unsuccessfully for more than ten years to form a friendship, I question this assertion. The prevailing strategy suggested to me for gaining friends is to participate in activities I enjoy as there I am most likely to meet others with similar interests and beliefs. What is the purpose of living if society directs me to one outcome but it cannot provide the means to achieve that outcome? Surely independence is a far more effective solution.

I'm pretty sure I am lonely. I would like to have a friendship or at least feel welcome in society. But my efforts never seem to work. People make suggestions but I must be special because they don't work for me. The harder I try, the more independent I become, because my methods appear stranger to others, and the less liked I become. I really don't understand the society in which I live. I wish I wasn't so sad.

I often cry uncontrollably and am unable to sleep when I realise I will not achieve my desires and there is nothing I can do about it. My life is apparently meaningless.

[P12]

I have regularly speak with my clinical psychologist, social coach, and speech therapist.

In my career I have not found a more credible way to follow my talents and interests than what I currently do. I feel I am applying as much effort as I can. This makes me think my life is meaningless because I am prevented from following my talents and interests by other people for reasons I don't understand.

I am confused.

[SucculentQueen]

Hi P12,

Consider the word adaptation.

The below definition as it relates to biology could also be applied to the workplace. 

Adaptation in Biology meaning

The process of change by which an organism or species becomes better suited to its environment

Einstein also had a bit to say about adaptation.

I hope this gives a different or helpful perspective.

What are your thoughts? 

[P12]

Hi SucculentQueen,

Thanks for sharing some advice. I have been thinking about your comment to make sure I understand it correctly.

If I understand correctly, Albert Einstein is most famous for his development of the theory of relativity in physics and for his advocacy of socialism in politics.

The theory of relativity appears to explain that different perspectives of the same reality are equally valid. I think it is similar to Immanuel Kant's metaphysics and morals, which appears to place importance on an individual's interpretation of the world rather than on the collective's interpretation. I think that in mental illness this means that and individual must find their own identity and fight against the society factors that prevent its achievement. Some people corrupt this to narcissism. It appears to be prevalent in modern society.

In my experience socialism appears to be more enjoyable than capitalism. In capitalism, individuals are suppressed to live a sad life.

Is this what you meant? If so, I think I would use a different word rather than "adaptation". I think "integrity" or "courage" could be better.

I know it is also possible that you meant something different by "adaptation". I think you could be referring to "exposure", which says that people overcome anxiety and gain skills by gradually exposing themself to situations and progressing to higher challenges. My experience is that traditional exposure therapy is limited. Although I have partially felt improvements, I have not determined how to actually obtain confidence. My psychologist said that confidence is outside the scope of psychotherapy. So I don't know how to improve my well-being.

[P12]

This week I think I had some success when three people attended a discussion group meeting I planned and it went very well. I also think a meeting with my psychologist went well and I made progress researching and writing during a day of leave. However I had less success with a social event I had planned which did not go ahead because everyone to express interest withdrew.

[Summer Rose]

Hi P12

Congratulations on your successes! You should be very proud of yourself!! I am really happy for you. 
What did you like about the discussion group? Whatever you did that made it a success, keep it up!

Don’t worry too much about the event that didn’t proceed, it happens and has happened to me. It can be hard to get people together for all kinds of reasons.
I usually just let people know that I understand why they couldn’t make it and that I look forward to seeing them in the future. 
Kind thoughts to you

[P12]

I think during the meeting I was in shock that I was actually speaking with a small number of people about the topic that is most interesting to me. I have found very few people share my interest.

I also want to share an insight about psychotherapy that I have come to realise after eight years. Apparently the prevailing strategy instructed on me toward eliminating distress is to maintain unwavering belief in my beliefs and values regardless of the feedback I receive from other people. Apparently even laws in Australia are not strong enough to prevent me from achieving my goals.

[Summer Rose]

Hi P12

Wow!

Finding and talking with people who share your special interest has been a long term goal of yours and you did it! That is HUGE.
You should be really proud of yourself. I’m sending you a bouquet of flowers to help celebrate your achievement💐

Hopefully you can do this type of thing with them again. I would send them a nice thank you for attending, and see if you can get some feedback about how they perceived the event and if they’d like to do it or something similar again. 

Kind thoughts to you

[P12]

Thanks for your encouragement, Summer Rose. I sent a follow up message to the people I met and one person said they would consider joining another event.

Unfortunately I feel sad today. It is my reaction to negative feedback I received about a speech I gave today. I think I feel sad because I think I prepared as best I could but it was apparently not enough.

[Summer Rose]

Hi P12

It’s “normal” to feel sad whenever we receive negative feedback about our work—especially when we feel we put in the required effort. It’s also pretty common to feel hurt, frustrated, disappointed and even angry. In any event, I’m sorry that you’re upset.

Perhaps with time (when you’re less emotional) you will be able to put the feedback into perspective and maybe even turn it into something useful, if warranted.

Ask yourself, was the feedback valid? Does the person providing the feedback have the requisite knowledge to provide such feedback? Does this person have a bias? Can you use what they said to improve? Do you need or want to follow-up with questions to help you grow from this experience?

You take care.
Kind thoughts to you

I’m wondering how you responded. Sometimes when I’m taken aback by negative feedback my go to response is to say “I’d like to reflect on that feedback and come back to you tomorrow to discuss it further.”You need to sit with your emotions and think about what was said.

[Croix]

Dear P12~

I've been away so have not been following waht has been happening to you, my apologies.

You sound as if you have had a big success in finding others who share you interests, something you had doubt would ever happen.

Giving speeches may not seem to go as one planned, however it is the effect you have that is important.

I used to be a lecturer and found often I'd be pleased and think all went well, other times I'd be frustrated when I imagined it did not.

Actually it was the questions asked afterwards that gave me surprises. There were always people that needed something, and that told me how well things had really gone. 

This was more than useful as it told me if I was on the right track or had to alter my lecture in certain parts to make it clearer -and more enjoyable to listen to.

While it can be hard to put negative thoughts to one side instead one needs to think that negative feedback is just a tool to be used. As Summer Rose says it can help you grow, or in other words improve. We all have capacity to do that no matter how good we are.

Croix